Black by popular demand

Well hello my friends. Its been a while since we talked. In fact, the last time we talked I was not halfway done with law school. But I am now. And you know how it feels? Great. Better yet, Fucking great. Now its time to get to the stuff that really matters. Dont expect much posting in the next few weeks. Tootles.

It all makes sense now

While I usually resort to blaming my bad moods on a combination of law school, lack of fiber, GWB, or Radar's Condo in the pearl, I have recently discovered the omnipotent excuse.

As I was opening today's mail, I received my donor card from the Red Cross for donating blood a couple of months ago. Taking a close look at my card, I noticed that my blood type written on there was O negative. O negative? WTF. I DONT HAVE HAPPY BLOOD. HOORRAY!

My entire life I was told my blood was B positive. B positive is that sweater wearing know it all who raises his hand and then tells the class he has a question before asking the damn question. B positive is that "Sounds like someone has a case of the monday's" Chick from Office Space.

After running up and down the street screaming "My blood is cranky" for a half hour, I thought about calling GWB to tell him the great news. Then I realized that he was probably already listening, and that there was no need to waste the phone call.

So the next time you ask if im hungry "or something", I will officially be authorized to whip out my blood card and smack you for asking me such stupid question. Of course im hungry, and of course im cranky, and of course Radar's condo smells like fish.

Laffy Taffy

When relieving post-finals stress, most have the traditional get crunk method. Me, im one of those guys who secretly likes to shop. Nothing, other than some cuddle time with Abogada relaxes me more than being balls deep in a new pair of Sevens. Perhaps a new pair of basketball shoes. So after my last final on Thursday, look for me at the mall, dropping so many Hamiltons they call me Aaron Burr.

And before you throw stones, just know, there are more like me.

The cat lady

Its been a long week, so I rented a movie. Though this wasnt any movie, it was "The Island". Now what better way to unwind than to watch a movie alluding the ethics of cloning. I think cloning should be allowed but only so that our clones can be sent it for law exams. Wait. I didnt really think that out but I dont want to delete it. Just pretend that our clones could be made after we attended each semester and then they could go into finals with all of our knowledge, while the real "us'" could go to the bar and get crunk. Maybe perhaps a little pregame with abogada and her clone...

My humps

Im going to bed early on a friday night because I still have two finals left. Everyone else except for CW is done. I wont be done for another week. Happy relaxing to all. Congrats on another term done. Pretty soon, we can buy ourselves a ticket outta the ghetto.

How you know when its time to leave the library for the day.

When someone with a mohawk walks in.

The rabbit chases the carrot

From a psychology perspective, it is readily apparrent why law school turns people into the cliche lawyers. Throughout the semester, there is this lull of reading, and passiveness that creates a backdrop for the intense frenzy that final exams create. As the semester winds down, students are abruptly awakened by the impending crush of finals. 15+ weeks crushed into 3 hours. 3 hours on material that may (or may not) be what the teacher said would be there. 300+ other peers all fighting for that coveted top quartile even though your school contends they are "not competitive". 50 page outlines, better yet 100 page outlines distilled into 3 page attack outlines. Caffeine flows freely from any barista within 50 miles of the law school. Palms sweat as each student strives for the one thing that will validate all their work; An A. When that A doesnt come for some, what else validates your existence? Your peers either laud your mediocre standing or your are despised by your peers for being unworthy of their intellectual prowess. Interviewers reject your resume, never minding your otherwise stellar credentials. You are not one of them they muse. You are somehow different, as if having a life suddenly did become a crime.

And yet they wonder why you are the way you are. You chose to go to law school they say. At least you will earn gobs of money they say. Mental Midgets, its no price for this hell.

Happy studying all.

Funny Quote

Seen on the dry erase board by the cafeteria:

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in school".

Civ Pro

Had a computer scare partly through the exam. My wordprocessing program froze and shut down. Luckily the autosave program caught what I had written. Ran outta time on the last question after taking too long on the rest of the questions. Took the rest of the day off.

Updizzles for my nizzles

With finals starting tomorrow I am all tapped out. Exhausted, I am going to bed early so I can get a full 9 hours sleep. Wish me luck. I dont really have anything creative or funny to say, except that you are lucky I dont charge you to read this blog. Is that arrogant? No. Arrogance would be if I accepted cash only.


Good luck on finals to all.

Wilted

Once you've stopped and smelled the roses, you will realize that reality is no more than a hollow shell of your perception. Without this perception, you are unaware that you are unhappy.

Study Block

I cant seem to get myself to study today. Motivation wont make me. Fear rears its ugly head but I quickly dismiss it. 5 days till exams and who am I to just chill. Rather, crunch time took on a new meaning today. I went to the gym, lifted, ran a mile, did some crunches, and then played basketball for a couple hours. If I can move tomorrow, I am def going to the lib.

I'll cry if i want to

The balls are officially silver today. Abogada sent me a cake made with prune juice and topped with Ensure frosting. Thanks to my loved ones for making this a good one, and ive only been up for 2 hours.

Reset

After an almost complete day off, resulting in a good workout and much deserved Tv time, I am back in the library for arguably the toughest week of law school- The week before finals. This is the time of reckoning, the time where the previous 3 months culminate into a morbid attempt to load massive amounts of information into your head, all the while protecting the information already in there from flying out. Im ready for this. Good luck to all my loved ones who are hitting the books this week also. It shall pay off soon.

Survey Says

What does a fish-smelling, studio condo in a rich neighborhood say about a person?

• 2 people said that the owner probably makes love to large fish or even whales without his friends knowing.
• 3 people concurred with above opinion but added that the owner probably pours fish oil all over himself while watching Richard Simmons videos.
• 5 people laughed too hard to answer the question.
• 1 republican looked shocked that i knew his boyfriend.
• 22 PETA members beat me with my clipboard and demanded said owner's address "to free their aquatic friends".
• 1 person, beat all the PETA members wearing Kanye West's fur coat from his Gold Digger video, while singing blame it on the rain.
• 33 people overwhelmingly said the owner is probably just compensating for a lack of something.

Update: Michael Jackson just emailed me back and weighed in on the survey. Im quoting folks. "And you think im fucked up?.."

Nerdy Jokes du jour

Is an attack outline's propensity to attack admissible to show that it cut my finger under the Federal Rules of Evidence?


What is stuffy, looks like a martha stewart living room, and smells like fish?


For these answers and condescending hygiene tips, meet me on the ninth green at 9pm.

Today

Flipper

1. Orange Wifebeater: $6
2. 4 years of public university tuition after scholarship: $2k
3. Coke Bottle glasses discarded for new metro looking frames: $30
4. New wardrobe to shake townie image: $300
5. Setting yourself back 5 years of hard work in 5 hours by throwing raw fish fillets all over your condo while blacked out.

Priceless...

I woulont say im missing it Bob

Memorable thing that happened over the break:

I took my girl to her first ever sushi bar and ordered all kinds of good sushi. She loved it. Radeezy, although not present, was so worked up about not going with us, he purchased 5 pounds of fish filets and decorated his condo in the pearl with them after blacking out from drinking. So now if you go to his pad, the fishy smell can finally be blamed on the fish. Dare I say Rehab anyone?

PS. Im sick and have too much to study, so dont expect too much posting.

PSS. Screw you if you read this blog and comment anonymous.

Gobble Gobble

Twas a fun 10 days with the little lady. Ate lots of turkey, saw the sights. It was good having two of my lady and Ares here to share thanksgiving with. Now back to the books. This will be a rough three weeks, but once its done, I will be halfway done with law school.

Happy Turkey Day Everybody

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Happy

The Woman is here and life is good...

Brain Puzzler

Why does writing on the bathroom wall only address sex and politics?

Blasted

Things I highly reccomend you abstain from:

1. Surfing the net during class.
2. Surfing the net during class while having only skimmed a case.
3. Getting called on by tough prof that is out for blood.
4. Asking the prof which page the case is on when he calls on you.
5. Saying i dont know to his first 5 questions.
6. Having brilliant co counsel elected on your behalf because of your gross incompetence.
7. Spending the rest of the day at the law school being sarcastically congratulated by overachieving 1L's who think you are a moron.
8. Capping of this wonderful day with cheap Chinese food.

It takes two

The number two is significant today in many ways:

1. Only Two days till my princess arrives.
2. Radeezy will tell each person he talks to today that he lives in the pearl. Twice.
3. Snowy will wake up and realize that his body is only number two, behind Petey.
4. Puddles will wish he had gone number two on the sleeping porch so his nickname wouldnt be puddles.
5. CW will exclaim that he is not number 2, but actually number 1 in the category of best litigator while wearing chaps.
6. Ares.. well, this is a kids blog and you already know where im going with this. See #4 for inspiration.
7. The number of minutes I have wasted typing this blog.

And then there were three...

The countdown is coming to our final three. No, Snowy, not the countdown for the top three roid freaks of the Teke house. Im talking about 3 days till my princess arrives. I cant wait. In fact Radeezy was so excited about my excitement, he crashed his car. 10 minutes later, he left the scene of the accident with a neckache and the other accident victims knew he lived in a condo in the pearl. Im guessing its the third thing he says to Abogada right after "Nice to meet you, and Too bad Alex snagged you." Puddles appears to have dropped of the face of this earth, or in other words, he is now a typical Californian and thinks there are no other states in the US.CW is still the best texan litigator stuck in a cold midwest metropolis, and im sure the judges were impressed by the 30 gallon hat he wore during the entire trial. The cap gun solidified the authenticity. Did I leave anyone else out?

Retraction

It is not everyday that you will get a public retraction from such a famous news and entertainment source. But here at 2Cents we aim to please, and want only to disseminate correct information. We would hereby like to retract our earlier statement that Abogada likes David Hasselhoff. Our mistake. In fact when she said that she liked David Hasselhoff, in actuality, she really mean to say David Duchovny (pronounced Duke of Knee). Unfortunately, being the kind boyfriend, I willingly took back the David Hasselhoff chaps and matching chest hair. Alas, the costume shop would not take it back due to the fact that that the fake chest hair was missing. Now im not saying that I pranced around the room wearing fake chest hair and pink underwear while impersonating the finest talent to grace Baywatch's set, but you get the picture.

Needless to say, I will still be showing up at the airport, sans Hasselhoff costume, but unless you have superglue remover, the chest hair is here to stay.

I am late for class.

4 days

My chick really loves David Hasselhoff so Ive been at the costume shop looking for a costume to wear while greeting her at the airport on Saturday.

In the meantime I have been outlining like crazy. This term I am making my own outlines, which is far different than I have done in the past. Part of the reason for this is my school doesnt have good SBA outlines like my former. I have nothing to rely on here except my own 2 cents (pardon the pun). The pressure appears to be mounting, but nothing makes for a good stress reliever like having your hot girlfriend fly in from Michigan for ten days to shower me with gifts, kisses, and Evidence notes.

Anyway, I hope she likes the outfit. Back to studying.

Reason # 1,233 why I love my girlfriend

She's cool under pressure. She's the only law student I know that isn't worried about Evidence. That's talent folks.

Take a walk on the wild side (Not the marky mark song)

I would much prefer if the Federal Rules of Evidence were really the Feral Rules of Evidence like I typed in class today. Maybe then the class would be more interesting, or we would have been given a prof that had a pulse on his last doctor visit.

The best damn litigators period.

Props to my boy Chris Wall and his girl Carly for winning the Moot Court Competition. 1st place out of 88 teams is something to be really proud about. Congrats!

Rant

The absolute thing I hate the most about becoming a lawyer is not being able to turn it off when I'm not supposed to use it.

Fin

Does a nervous breakdown actually have to be manifested outwardly to occur? Law school has its moments when you cannot decipher whether you are really crazy or just imagining that your are as a result of the stress from studying.

Im not really sure, but I think I have lost it.

You are girly man

There are few things funnier than walking into the restroom and catching a law student flexing in front of the mirror.

Can you smell the holidays?

"The holidays at Starbucks are all about enjoying traditions and connecting with friends and family," said Jim Alling, president of Starbucks North America. "For our customers, that means gathering at their local Starbucks coffeehouse to connect over a hot cup of Starbucks(R) Christmas Blend coffee in our signature red cups to savor the warmth, magic and reprieve that are found there during the holidays."

Nothing unites a family like overcharging for coffee so that they go broke and forced to live together. How ingenious. NOW SHELL OUT 5 BUCKS FOR A LATTE BITCHES.

Who smokes the bluntz.. We smokes the bluntz

Lets throw another one into the mix. Lets say that Kanye West, Terell Owens, and Tom Cruise were locked in a room and had to fight. Who wins? Assume Kanye can only use lyrical bombs, Tom Cruise can only spout Scientology prose, and Terell Owens is limbless but not bleeding.

AN ALbum Cover

Who is more annoying? Kanye Ingoramus West or Terell STFU Owens

Discuss.

I believe the french call it cliche

I would say that 2L is no different of a hell than 1L but that would be old hat. I would also say that waiting for a job offer when everyone else around already has one is equally shitty. The last thing I want to do is turn this blog into a forum for my bitching and moaning.

Winning the lottery

Having a long distance relationship is hard. But when you meet the right woman, it can become the very thing you look forward to the most in life. I am fortunate to have met the hottest, sweetest cheerleader/lawstudent who just so happens to be visiting me in 10 days. As if that wasnt the cool enough already, she is staying for 10 days also. It will be cool to introduce her to my family and friends, and spend Turkey day with her. I cant wait...

I wont stand for Cooley Bashing

Feel free to prank this sorry fuck.

25k

The 25,000th reader gets dinner for two with Snowy. Perhaps a nice romantic dinner in the Eiffel Tower?

Red Balls

Im getting to the point now where caffeine just wont cut it. Any suggestions?

In the closet

I just finished reading an illegal immigrant case and concurred with the decision. Then i looked at who wrote it. Rehnquist. Im even having a hard time convincing myself these days. Here's the bait piggies. Or should I say elephants?

caffeine

is a hell of a drug

Dog Tired

Life is good, and getting better fast. My woman is coming to visit for 10 days in less than two weeks. How cool is that?

Spent the weekend in Seattle with Ares and Radeezy. It was good to see Ares as its been almost 8 months since we left our old law school to transfer. It was also kind of cool seeing what would have been my apartment had I gone to school up there. Nevertheless, the Beavers kicked the crap outta the Huskies, even if it was only with field goals. Probably the wettest game ive been to.

Radeezy thought it would be fun to ruffle up some old guys talking shit to him. Little did he know he would cut his finger slapping a 55 year old man. Radeezy, here's to you for being the silver ruffian. If I ever get jumped by a gang of octegenarians, im calling you first to protect me.

Ares did his part in supporting the Beavs by running his mouth also. Its nice to see someone put some love in another conference. Thanks for a fun weekend Bro.

Abogada, thanks for the conversation saturday night. One of my all time favorites.

Found a new accoustic version of November rain, and a glass full of coffee.

Life is good.

Hearsay Exceptions Made Fun

The Hearsay Exceptions Video. Hat tip to WWFFD.

HOME DEPOsition

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- Home Depot was sued by a shopper from a Kentucky store who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with glue.

Bob Dougherty, 57, accused employees of ignoring his cries for help for about 15 minutes because they thought he was kidding.

"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The Daily Camera, of Boulder. "They just let me rot."

The lawsuit, filed Friday, said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery and thought he was having a heart attack when he got stuck at the store in Louisville, Colorado, on the day before Halloween 2003.

A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk by radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax," the lawsuit said.


The lawsuit said store officials called for an ambulance after about 15 minutes.

Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat, and Dougherty, "frightened and humiliated," passed out as they wheeled him out of the store, court papers said. The toilet seat separated from his skin, leaving abrasions.

"This is not Home Depot's fault," Dougherty said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me."

college

The hardest part of growing up is realizing that not all of your friends are along for the ride. Some prefer to keep reliving their college days perpetually. Eventually you have to cut the cord and when you finally do, life will change. Probably for the better. I love my college friends, but the one's who still want to live it get less of my time. The few who want to make their lives wholesome and productive get the little free time I have when im not in school. Why couldn't I have stayed a Toys r us kid?

Doctor

My Dr. stood me up today due to "weather" related delays. I will show you weather related. I think due to the "weather" I will be emailing him the questions I had, and will not be seeing him for my last $300 pointless visit. And next time i break my leg, i will just look online on how to fix it. If I havent said it before, if you can make it through your first year of law school, you basically have the authority to do anything.

Sweater Vested Remainder

I passed by a studyroom and saw some 1L's doing some future interest problems on the whiteboard. How f'ing thankful am I that I got through it? Its crazy to think a year ago at this time that was little ol' me doing the same thing. How f'ing pointless..

Bumper sticker for GWB

"WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB SO WE CAN
HAVE HIM IMPEACHED?"

How you know you have a good woman

When she quotes Guns N Roses during pillow talk. That is hot.

Frazzle Rock

The 1L's are freaking out. Two weeks ago they were all happy, going out 5 days a week, lest they study for a brief second before class. Now they are scared shitless with the reality that exams are less than 5 weeks away. I probably didn't help things much by turning in my client letter and last memo in to my writing teacher 3 weeks early. My class pretty much hates me for that and guess what. I dont care. I have 5 weeks to study 4 classes.

Winter Recipe

Directions for making an egg nog latte:
1)Make 2 shots espresso.

2)Foam 3oz egg nog.

3) Throw out above ingredients, head to your local starbucks and make my stock rise, dammit.

Funny Links

When you have lived in the woods too long.

When you are not creative enough to change your last name. For 10 generations.

Prof Evidence

Admitted to us that he is 72 years old. Geriatric, and senile, I am learning this class on my own. I only attend class because his test are known for being class related.

Is this you?

You sit there in class, listening intently. The senile prof rambles on for hours about senseless stuff. He says something clearly not on the exam, and the hum of laptop keys starts roaring. At first you decide not to type it. Then, peer pressure overwhelms. The 50 million Elvis fans cant be wrong rationale (Read: neuroses) kicks in and you write that crap down. Then, at the end of the term, you stare at your notes and wonder how the Spanish Inquisition applies to corporate mergers. Dont be this person!

Perfection in Threes

The three things I miss most about my old law school.

Somtimes the Beaver doesnt put up a good fight

Damn beavs. They always play to their opponents level. Almost beat SC. Almost beat UCLA. Lost to Arizona, the worst team in the Pac-10. Bowl contentions could be gone at this point. At least we have our basketball season to look forward to. Whats that you say? We haven't been good since Payton played here in the 80's? Well, at least we have our drinking team. That's one thing the Beavs do well.

No, you cant swipe your debit card

My blog is worth $4,516.32.
How much is your blog worth?

Why Canada should not be taken seriously.

First jelly doughnuts, then fries with gravy, and now this. I encourage you to check out the links to the left. The T-shirts are hilarious.

Real Men of Genius Part Deuce

Here's to you, Mr.All-over-your-girlfriend-in-the-library. The library linguist, not only do you disgust every single person trying to get an honest education, but you force them to observe your hedonistic spectacle while wearing tight-fitting clothes. Mr. Saves nothing for the imagination, you slurp on your girlfriend's ear so vigorously, her ear could possibly be the only slurpee left at 7-11 on a hot summer day. Mr. hands all over the place, you stop short of the full baseball game, but others around you feel like they should smoke an obligatory cigarette in honor of your conquest.

So heres to you, King Canoodler. And please, one small request. Take a few more minutes before you get out of your seat and walk around.

Real Men of Genius

Here's to you, Mr. Instant-Messages-His-Buddy-Half-a-Second-after-they-log-on.

You make sure the phrase "in touch" retains its bitter irony. The conquistador of the keyboard, you feel that "bugging" your friend is the best way to show that you care. You instant message people more times before 8 am than most do in a week. Your finger jockey skills have come from years of internet stalking. Those predatory digits attached to your wrists move so fast, they make Jet Li look like the snail from Spongebob. In fact you move so fast, most recipients of your "LOL, LMAO, Sup!" think that there is a robot on the other end of the keyboard. Sadly, no, its just you. Whats that you say? Breaking news? Nope. Just writing to tell me that you polished off a sixer in the parking lot. Thank heavens, for a second, I though all those little problems like world hunger would have gotten you down.

So here's to you, Mr.I-yadda-yadda. If I wrote the whole name again, I'd have to wallow in hypocrisy for the rest of this foresaken day. Have a beer on me today. Or twelve.

Weekend Update

Another one bit the dust this weekend, but to a good woman. Being the best man was cool, especially when I got to make the toast. It was good seeing all the guys again, but refreshed why undergrad is over and how happy I am to have moved on.

Got back together with Abogada also, which made my weekend. One month till i get to see her. Until then, back to the grind.

Its funny cuz its larger than the average size hat

No joke, this is how everyone dresses in Texas.

Stupidest Person Ever...Hands Down

If you thought you had heard some of some stupid people out there. Check this out.

Law Students

I've noticed lately that law students tend to be the most selfish people around. I know this promulgates the stereotype further, but it wouldn't be a stereotype if there wasn't some truth to it. For example, I was telling a fellow colleague about how I spanked my second memo, and all she could say was, "Why are you trying so hard, its an ungraded class?" Not congrats or anything. It is people like that who make me appreciate the few law students that I love and respect who arent like that. Like Abogada and Ares. Both nice, respectful, yet razor sharp when necessary. In fact, some would say that Ares has a rapist's wit. Abogada, can reduce most litigators to crying babies with just a few choice words. Thankfully, she likes my smile so she refrains from putting me in my place. So here's to you, Abogada and Ares, the last of the few good esquires.

How you know you're not in Kansas Anymore

I asked a 1L that supplied me class notes in my absence if she wanted my old Contracts I outline?

"Umm, I think im gonna be ok on this one. This class looks pretty easy."

Suit yourself.

Give them an inch and they take a mile

Faithful readers and loyal spammers:

It is apparent that Ope, Ares, Snowy, and Radeezy, and Puddles would rather comment on this blog (I am flattered gentlemen and lady) then on their own. In fact, Radeezy stood his own mother up for dinner because he was busy commenting on this blog. Either that or he didnt want to drive 10 minutes OUT OF THE PEARL WHERE HE HAS A CONDO if you havent heard by now.

So here is the grand idea. I am proposing a comment-off. Kind of like the walk off in Zoolander without the dirty underwear and Billy Zane. After all, is Billy Zane even a celebrity? Even Winona Rider is more of a celebrity than BZ. Anyway, off the subject here. In light of the theme of this blog, you are invited to comment on why Napoleon would or would not be a better president than W.

No distractions like quoting news sources, just plain old comment-off style. And Ares, dont try the underwear trick, we all know you dont wear em. Any references to Abogada and I will personally hire someone to squash your face like walnuts. Speaking of Walnuts, Snowy is in town. Next stop Bangersville. Let the games begin...

Update

I suppose most of you that know me pretty well, know that every so often I like to throw a pity party. Being dramatic was only exacerbated when I entered law school. Well lately, ive been pretty worked up about not having a job offer for next summer. Everyone around me has multiple offers and is complaining about how X firm has great work, but crappy lifestyle, while Y firm has great lifestyle, but is on the other end of town. Woe is me.

Its time to suck it up and prevail. I am kicking the ole cranium up a notch and plan on gunning for the top this time. Ive said that before, but this time I mean it. Actually I meant it those other times, but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to.

I am actually going to try a new learning style this term. For starters, I am writing my own outlines. I am also going to outline once a week to that I am not behind, as this was primarily why I didnt last year. And finally, I am low stress. I know that may not be apparent by reading the rants on this blog, but I really have loosened up since last year.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some asses to kick.

Mellon Collie

I woke up at 6 today, was at starbuxx by 7 studying up until the time my Beavs kicked the crap out of Cal. Underrated is all I can say about my team.

Now im sitting here reading corporations missing my girl, my homies, and new episodes of the OC.

And Snowy, the plasma Tv's that you are referring to are the ones that come with a blow up doll. Not the one I will be purchasing.

Refreshed

It takes a good woman to make you feel like this. Top of the world. Nothing can stop me now. 6 days with her wonderful smile. 6 days with her funny jokes and her silly dinosaur noises. I feel lucky in that most people never experience what I am truly fortunate to have.

Not only am I refreshed but I have a better attitude toward school. So much of the law school experience becomes what you make of it. I was really uptight my first year, thriving off the competitiveness of my peers. While the fruits of my labor did allow me to transfer to a well ranked school, something had to give. Less caffeine was the first start (hypocrisy at its finest as I just downed a latte). I needed to be more relaxed. Well here it is. I can officially announce that I am laid back. To prove it, I took a break from my work so I could go see her. It was well worth it.

So now im back to the grind, only the grind isnt the grind anymore. I am actually looking forward to cramming this stuff in my brain because I see that life improves when I do. I have goals and I have someone who cares for me. Life is good. Now all I need is 6k so I can get that 60 inch plasma Tv I want.

Dear Airlines

Thanks for making travel unaffordable for us common folk. Now how am I going to see my girlie over turkey day.

Im back

Surprised the girlie this weekend. The look on her face was breath taking. I had her roomate take her to the store while I snuck in to her place and placed a trail of flowers to her bedroom. I lit 50 tea lights around her room and waited for her to come home. The look on her face was priceless.

What a difference someone can have on your outlook. She made me smile all weekend, and for once I am relaxed and ready to tackle the rest of this term. And for those of you who cant stand fluffy, wholesome posts on this blog, I would abstain from checking back for a while. The next few are going to be sappy. I miss my abogada.

Danny Devito Swimsuit Calendar

Have you ever read a post on somebody's blog and thought that it embodied everything you want to say, only better. Of course you just did.

He may say stupid shit, but he's still Maverick.

Proof that Tom Cruise is not as stupid as people think.

Mental image

So my 70 year old Evidence teacher started the morning off by telling us that he flooded his house...Taking a bath. I've been nauseous for hours.

In other (not old and wrinkly ball news),I got Excellent marks on my first LRW memo. That makes me feel like a spring chicken. Maybe tonight I will stay up until 10pm. All depends on how hyper I get from my geritol and prune juice cocktail.

Civ Pro

Dear Ms.Shares my life as a paralegal before law school,

I have decided to break my trend of not posting in class. I couldnt resist this time. Your stories about your life as an up and hold on im cumming, paralegal, are anything short of breathtaking. No one cares whether you read 1000 pages a day for discovery. Furthermore, you could have taken your exorbitant salary made being a paralegal and gotten a voice transplant, so i dont have to hear the nails on the chalkboard every time you squeak.

Everyone has personal experiences. I have "personal experiences" and I have one for each and every issue we study. I will not, however, subject you all to my personal arrogance that you think is "sharing". Have a nice day!

Yours F'ing truly.

Good Morning

There is something beautiful about being the only one in the library. After getting EF'ed at Starbucks again, I can at least say that no men will be checking me out while I study. That is something beautiful in itself.

Blury at Best

"This class makes me feel like a have a hangover!" -Some classmate in Evidence this morning.

Stop

Dear Creepy McCreeperson,

I see you staring at me at starbucks. To be honest, I pretend that you are invisible so that I dont lead you on. I know it may seem that by studying, and pretending to be interested in my reading, that I am somehow homoerotically fascinated with you. Sorry. Not the case. So when you eye fuck me for 38 minutes without blinking, while I am trying to read Evidence, please have the courtesy to buy me a latte first.

Sincerely,

Eyefucked and undercaffeinated

Next Stop: Bangersville

My friend's instant messenger away message:

"Auto response from [Name Redacted]: at the gym, look for me, I'm the huge guy with all the chicks around me."

Wow. And people call you a meathead...

Sick as a dog

I caught the inevitable summer cold going around. This explains the confusion of last post. Sudafed does wonders on the brain. So does studying Business Associations with a fever.

I feel like im taking crazy pills

As we approach the mammal, though quietly as not to alert him to our prescence, we see that he has taken two sudafed and is remarkably similar to a meth head. Eyes, large with euphoria, the mammal hopes that the effects of sudafed are ephemeral and that no stupid things are said in the upcoming Evidence class. We watch the mammal as he reaches into his backpack, he sits there wondering what he is looking for. We dont laugh, becuase we know that his senility is because of the drugs. Or is it? It does not matter, however, because he is in his natural habitat, the law library.

Why Im not a Hooters Girl

According to my employment law reading, Hooters defends its women only policy as suffeciently job-related by insisting that their primary business is not to run a restaurant serving burgers, beer, and chicken wings, but to present lightly-clad "Hooter Girls" as entertainment, preferred by their clientele over male servers.

So are you saying that you would rather not see me in shorts and tights while you try to scarf some crappy chicken skin, er, i mean wings, down your gullet?

[Edit: As I read further, it actually discussed Men who have sued Hooters because they want to dress "lightly" and serve food. I wonder if they still have to wear the tights? ]

Gentleman, No really means No.

Finally an invention for those pesky guys who dont listen to their women. Or for the sheep of the south that are sick of being violated. Warning. This link is not for weak stomachs.

Summer's Eve

We all knew the silence wouldn't last. I am too damn annoyable. Douchebag of the week award goes to the guy who is 28 but looks 42 in my civ pro class. As he tried to enter the row where we sat, he approached our book bags and just stood there. Instead of walking past them, he stood there, for about a minute while I moved over so he could get by. Still sitting there I asked him if I could help him. He glared at me and stood there silent. Smiling, I asked him again what he needed. He then blurted that he was not going to do the long jump to get to his seat. He then pointed to my neighbor's backpack as the offending culprit. Keep in mind there was plenty of room to get by. Ask and you shall receive. I answered his question. "Not Mine". The look of contempt on his face was only magnified by the coke bottles glued to his eyes. Apparently, his manners vanished with his eyesight. I wished him good luck and let him run the gauntlet. I think he knew that the entire row was not going to move their shit just so he had a perfectly clear path. He eventually ran the gauntlet, and as soon as he made it to his seat we traded sneers. So here's to you, Douchebag of the week. Good luck next week when I bring in my camping backpack.

Starbucks

Im back. For now. I just wanted to point out that the worlds craziest people congregate at coffee shops. Who was I to think that only highly civilized, chic, peeps would hang out at a place that sells the most popular legal drug. Apparently I also forgot to wear my "Yes, I am studying, so No, I dont care about your stupid story " shirt, in favor of my "I look busy, but I really would like to hear about how your wife is cheating on you".

Some lady even came up to me and asked me if I was about to start college. I know I look young, but I think this goes to lack of intelligence on her part.

Thanks to all for the bloglove. Just when I was about to proverbially jump, you came and rescued a guy who was barely hanging on.

The downside to blogging

I really dont have much to say these days. School is the same old grind. Trying to get my woman back, with little success so far. There isnt much more that I care to discuss on this blog any longer. Dont expect much in the near future.

Tonight at 8pm

Tonight at 8pm pst, Fox is exclusively airing an interview with President Bush regarding impending oil crises. I suggest you tune in to avoid being an apathetic hippie.

How to keep your sanity at an uber-liberal law school

Being a conservative democrat, i often find myself a little too conservative for the school I attend, so I have devised some steps in order to lighten the mood each day:

1. Style your hair at school. Nothing irks hippie trash more than whipping out a fat bottle of ozone-depleting Aquanet.

2. Wear a Red Clown nose: No longer will you be subjected to the ragged masses that refuse to bathe/wear deodorant/shave/ vote/ let go of the tree. Rather, the clown nose will stop you from inhaling Hippie Stank which is known to cause hair growth, stagnant economic growth, and burlap underwear. Side bonus: the hippies, hopped up on herbal supplements will stare at your clown nose with hypnotic admiration. You will be a golden god. At least for 45-90 minutes until their euphoria subsides (from what i hear).

3. Don Corporate Attire: Granolas hate the "I love starbucks shirt". Better yet, they hate the "Baby seals: Food or clothing" shirt more. Wrap yourself in a real Grizzly Bear rug and go to class. Not only will hippies be utterly repulsed by your attire, but teachers will give you style points for being a caveman, ergo the "original hippie".

4. Wear Pink: Pink is an effective hippie repellant. Hippies are confused by the complex, masculine, color. Being ingorant to current fashion trends, the hippies think that you are gay and are less likely to talk to you.

5. Take a ream of paper and throw it all over campus. Better yet, take 10 reams of paper and litter campus. Hippies will be mad that you are killing their poor phallic symbols, i mean trees, and will be even more upset that you are littering the environment.

6. Start the Concrete Promulgation Society: No longer will our earthy hillsides remain lush and unused. If there isnt a starbucks every 10 feet then I see building potential. When the hippies reject this club, shun them with employment applications and remind them that they are Starbucks potential. After all, school loans dont pay themselves.

7-10: Reader's Choice Submissions. Discuss

Definitely yellow, but shouldnt be green.

Hat tip to Snowy for this one.

Quote

"There is no freedom without justice."
-Simon Wiesenthal (Nazi Hunter)

Proof that Evolution Doesnt Exist

#23 retires

I am taking a blogging hiatus to center my chi. After I find a towel I will be back.

Why I love spam

Honestly, how can you not find this funny?

I skim a lot of blogs, and
so far yours is in the Top 3
of my list of favorites. I'm
going to dive in and try my
hand at it, so wish me luck.

It'll be in a totally different
area than yours (mine is
about keyword ranking)
I know, it sounds strange, but it's
like anything, once you learn more
about it, it's pretty cool.

If you don't mind, I'd really appreciate
being able to come back and get a
few tips and suggestions from you,
if that's alright, alright?

Thanks,
Tiffany Burrell
Keyword Queen!
ps. I confess, that's not my real picture! :-)

Can you believe it? Im in the top 3 for this chick. Who is she anyway? Im pretty sure she lives with Radeezy in the pearl. Maybe they can walk their poodles together every night. Where do you become a Keyword Queen? Do you have to be a queen to begin with? If so, again, Radar you are in like flint...

EDIT: After posting this, I received a spam comment 30 seconds later.

Fools Gold

I want to be the first attorney to write a prenuptual agreement containing the complete lyrics to Kanye West's Gold Diggers.

Fashion Question

I am the best man in an upcoming wedding. The groom has elected to pick out matching Banana Republic sweaters, shirts, and slacks instead of the traditional tux route. I think this is great. After all, who wants to wear a crappy tux anyway. The groom, however, has asked that we pay him $100 for said items. Is this taboo? Should I be complaining despite the fact that I get my money's worth of cool clothes. Should I be upset that I find Banana Republic fashionable now in favor of A&F? Should I show up to the wedding wearing a tux painted on a shirt?

Send me Money

So I can buy this painting. No you cant swipe a credit card, unless your name is Abogada.

THe longest post ever written by a short 2nd year law student frat boy on a friday night at 11pm wearing velcro gloves.

The transition to my second year of law school has been frought with many experiences that have tested my ambition. I first left the city where I did my first year of school, leaving behind the love of my life, and some friends.

I came home to a city that I can see myself living in after law school, but not quite sure if that works for all interested parties. In fact, the one thing ive learned is how someone can make anywhere home.

So here I am now. Juggling the constant pressure to get good grades as my gpa starts over. I have a lot to prove to myself, and for that matter to the people at my old firm that expect good things out of me. Im not sure when exactly I starting caring what they thought, but I would be lying if I said that part of the reason I want to do well is so I can get hired there.

Lately, I seem to have many more mood swings than usual. For those who know me, that can get a little overbearing as I often have 10 mood swings a day. The feeling that you wish you could bring the past back to relive it has been haunting me. Not that I would change many things, but just so I could re-experience the good things in my life.

I suppose that the point of this post is to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. All this artificial pressure is useless in making myself happy. Living without the girl that I love is hard enough, but I know now that I need to find a way to be happy alone, so that if im lucky enough to ever get her back, I can make her truly happy. This goal is partially selfish too though, as I do not need to schedule my depression for Tuesdays and Thursdays as I have been. I need to find a way to love everything I do. Its the only way im gonna make it.

Do you know why i want to be a lawyer so bad?

Do you? For starters, If i was a lawyer, I could have sued the hell out of the school for an injunction when Marissa got expelled from school for shooting Trey. Second, I would have sued the dean of discipline for assaulting marissa at the carnival. Then I would sue that blonde girl who is trying to mount kjersten for keeping her away from sandy. Im just kidding about all of this. I just felt like tricking my readers into getting hooked on the OC also. hahaha. good luck not watching it next week!

I just flew in and boy are my arms tired.

All I want is a plane ticket so I can go see my girlie. Why do they have to be $300 bucks. Priceline is a joke. I named my price and the computer actually laughed at me. Then it asked whether i meant dollars or euros. I hate being a broke student.

You Motorboatin Son of a Bitch

I can never seem to be happy with my memo for LRW. I keep refining it, so much that I am only halfway done with it and its due on Tuesday.

It is kinda frustrating to see all the people doing OCI interviews too. I have to wait and see whether my firm wants to bring me back. I am trying not to let it bother me. Getting rid of OCD is like telling J-LO to get a smaller bootie. You just dont get rid of stuff that works for you. OCD is inherent in most law students, and is actually a good thing. Without it, mind numbing details would be overlooked and pursuit of perfection would be cast aside in favor of a few beers.

Employment law is the camel on my back. Driving me nuts. I remember the good old days when you could fire someone simply by saying, "Off with their head". I hope those days return and that im the one saying it.

The past revisited

I had a teacher in undergrad that hated me. Well, I had a few, but some really went out of their way to make my life hell. One made me see the school psychologist just because I allegedly interrupted the class (never happened). Another, gave me crappy grades on flawless work. So crappy, at one point, a girl stood up and yelled at the teacher for treating me so bad.

It seems my writing prof is back to haunt me. Our first non-grades assignment merited comments on all the papers. As I looked through the stack, most said "great job" or "excellent". I pull mine and it says "Good idea, but a couple of questions". Both irrelevant. The funny thing is that I dont care. Pass fail class. No more trying to impress her. I have a year with her. F her.

Psych!

Some of you took the bait.

Guess What?

I am a Republican.

Your fired!

Dear everyone,

Thanks for letting me know that Employment Law is really the "i cant believe its not butter" of conlaw. There is nothing I hate more than a wolf in sheeps clothing, except maybe brussel sprouts.

Love,

Me

Ps. I will let this one slide. One more and I quit.

The scales of justice

What I feel like as a future attorney...

The mighty Beavers

My Beavers overcame torrential rain, and dime-sized hail to overcome Boise State with a last minute field goal. This handed BSU its second loss of the season and propelled the glorious Beavs to 2-0. Nobody touches our Beavers.

And to reiterate, the OC is the greatest show ever. Anyone who disagrees is just upset because they do not have the faculties required to enjoy such quality television.

Greyhound leaves from Newport now?

Right. Im sure Greyhound has a bus stop in Newport Beach. Perhaps right next to the welfare office. Whats that you say? There are no poor people in Newport. Tell me something I dont know.

Find Greyhound's marketing manager and put him with the piano neck tie guy so they can have idiot kids. Am I supposed to believe that Trey wakes up from a coma and is automatically discharged from the hospital the day after Julie Cooper comes in to blackmail him? No. But i dont have to. Ryan is out of jail and back with Marissa which is all that matters. Seth is proof that no matter how funny you are, dating a frigid bitch will take your humor away. If only I can convince my friends of this...

OCI Update

I would love to tell you about how crappy OCI really is except for two problems:
1. I havent been granted any interviews.
2. Opinistas wrote everything you need to know in this great post.

Reply

Dear Yours Truly,

Get over it. You know you cant get enough of it.

Sincerely,

Self

ps. nice job on that memo. Maybe tomorrow you will actually go one day without going to the wrong classroom.

Mcfly

Dear Self,

Instead of dishing out advice to the 1L's, why dont you read the damn LRW syllabus so you dont spend another 10 hours writing a memo on the wrong subject.
Sincerely,

Yours truly

Ps. Stop winking at yourself every time you walk past reflective glass.

For whom the bell tolls

Two more dings. Two firms to go. Still waiting on my firm from last summer to make a decision whether they will extend me another offer.

The bell goes..

Two more dings. Still waiting on 5 firms.

Ding

1st employer out of 9 to give me a ding. Oh well.

What happens when you mix alcohol, the internet, and two x chromosomes

Seriously. This is scary. The sad part is that she is for real.

I dont want to grow up, cuz if i did...

The hardest part about growing up is making choices that have substantial effects. Sometimes choices that are made with the best intentions turn out to have disastrous consequences. Responsibility, for lack of a better word, sucks.

I bleed orange and black

All i have to say is Go Beavs!

Help me Help you, Jerry!

Why dont the people in New Orleans who can walk start doing so? Steal a skateboard, bike, etc and clog the damn highway. If buses can make it, so can people. I know that it is 100 degrees outside, but Im hard pressed to believe that sitting around with corpses is healthier than walking. Historically, people traveling by foot have been successful. Maybe I dont have the faculties to understand their dilemma. If they are hanging around to take care of a loved one, then that is admirable, but I still dont believe that every single person there is sticking around for a loved one.

Here's the Rub

I am cranking away at 8 am in the library. There are maybe 10 other people here. I may not be the smartest in the class, but I will work the hardest.

Warning: Democrat post

The people who could have left New Orleans but failed to are morons. There is no way around that determination. "Sticking it out" isnt an option when they tell you a class five hurricane will hit your town that just happens to be below sea level already.

What saddens me more is that fact that we cant overcome the anarchy with relief efforts. At what price do we send thousands to go die for another cause, while we dont even have control over our own people. Do we not have the manpower to send there? If so, then why? Or if we do, then why havent they gone?

I will entertain all reasonable responses.

Like Two Xmas hams shoved up under yo dress!

So my Business Associations Prof looks and talks like the ladies man. He is confident, funny, and coincidentally knew a bunch of my profs from my old school in Michigan. While he lacks the suave lisp, or the glass of courvasier in his hand, his mannerisms are identital to the Ladies Man. Im just waiting for him to ask some one if that is a piece of pizza?

The long drawn out day.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are long. Luckily, I can get most of my studying done before my last class and call it a night at 930.

Civ pro- it was fun being in a 1L class. Keyboards humming away at the profs every word. Makes me laugh seeing how far ive come.

LRW- I think will be my favorite class. My clerkship prepared me to excel in this class. Usually it is the other way around.

Business Associations- havent gone to it yet, but I better like it.

Rant of the day

People often wonder why attorneys are so miserable. A great post by opinionstas sheds some light on the subject. Maybe there arent very many positives or maybe people who are happy practicing do not blog about it, and sure as hell stay away from the miserable ones.

Either way, I maintain that I will be the minority. I will find a way to make this worth all the hell im getting through to get here. All this, "at least you can buy a nice car and have your shirt embroidered with your initials" talk needs to end. I am going to find a way to practice biglaw and be happy.

Evidence

Can anyone recommend an Evidence supplement? I usually dont like Gilberts.

The first day

Its funny that my non law school friends think that im a type A personality. While that is true, the new school is full of people who make me look carefree and passive. Im talking like flipping out about assignments the first day. Or wanting to have heated discussions with fellow gunners on the first day. All in all, I have a lot of work to do if I want to be near the top here.

Evidence: prof was hilarious but eccentric, and wheezed probably from having emphysema. Evidence looks to be my toughest class so far.

Employment law: Again, the prof was hilarious. This one sweats. It must be a gladular problem because he was soaked through his shirt. Had it been a lighter color shirt, his nipples would be visible. There's a thought.

The last deep breath before the big fight

Tomorrow is the first day at the new school. Dont really know what to expect. Its hard knowing what I had to move away from to get here. I have to make it now.

There is still a chance

Despite this I still think GNR will reunite and then kick off the worlds greatest tour.

Bloggers strike back

To the poster who had the audacity to ask for my legal advice by directing me to read your blog. Go fuck yourself. Two reasons.

1. if you dont have the decency to concisely write out your situation in your comment, the I am not going to spend my free time reading your fucking blog because you want your hit meter to go up.
2. I seem to have lost the retainer check you sent me in the mail.

Again, read the second sentence of this post.

Emmy Speech

I just got back from reading some employment law. The class looks like it is gonna be fun, maybe even a future practice area of mine. I wanted to give a special thanks to certain people who have lately been an inspiration to me:

Abogada- you are the sweetest girl. You taught me to find a way to put a positive spin on things when they got tough. Thank you. I am now going to show you how to do the same.

Snowy aka Randillio: Congrats on starting grad school. We are all proud of you and will purposely not have any fun so that you dont miss a thing while you are gone. Seriously. Now quit commenting on my blog and study.

Radar: for providing a role model for all future grey poupon eaters everywhere.

Reid: for being a great pal and reading this blog every day.

Anonymous Commenters: For being so spineless that cant even write your name when you talk smack.

Integrity

The thing that is becoming more and more apparent is that people are not what they seem. They are only a facade with some well crafted personas. Truly sad. How many of there are you out there like this?

Fall Recruitment Part 2

Turned in my applications to 9 employers including my summer firm. The firm this summer is the 10th biggest in my market, so at the very least I would like to work for them or one of the bigger firms. I would take an offer from my summer firm in a heartbeat, but since the hiring partner is on vacay I have to wait.

The cover letter turned out decent I think. I was going for something less traditional than the name, why qualified, crap that everyone else turns it. Depending on how many interviews I get, I might end up eating those words.

To be honest, I dont really expect any interviews. If I get any, I will be ecstatic. So for now, the waiting game. And the reading game. I have plenty of reading to start with for Monday.

A few 1L's joined us for lunch at orientation today. Sitting down to eat I was faced with a challenge. Should I:

a) warn them that their life as they know ceases to exist.

b) tell them that studying and outlining is useless for success in law school.

c) tell them to scarf their food down and go directly to the library

Well. I did neither. I did the noble thing. I told them that most of what they hear about first year is a myth and the only true thing to believe is that you should be studying until your eyes bleed every night until finals. The suckas bought it, hook, line, and sinka.

The bearded hippie and the pabst blue ribbon

Its not everyday that your law school is overrun with bearded hippies. And by overrun, I mean that there were two. But as a closet republican, it only takes two to smoke the whole bag.

I met a few fellow classmates who turned out to be really nice. Once was even sipping on a PBR while the dean spoke. Maybe it was the dean who was drinking it? Hell, i hung out with the hippie too long anyway.

Everythings Bigger in Texa$$

For those of you who like your Texans tall, dark, and metro, Lawnonimous gives you your fix.

Supersize Me

There are few movies that ever have a profound effect on me. All in all, I am hard to shock. Supersize Me was unbelievable. The guy almost gave himself cirhosis (sp) of the liver in 30 days. While I found this movie motivational, the undergrad in me became curious.

Instead of Mcdonalds, how bout someone eat JellyBellies for a month? Or turkey gravy. Or frozen dinners. Or salad. Or fishsticks. Or sticks of butter. Or pop tarts. Or meatloaf.

Seriously, how bad could pop tarts be. You could have a strawberry poptart for breakfast, a smores poptart for lunch, and a sensible dinner (3 chocolate poptarts). This would make for a fun reality show.

Evidence Reading

My first case in my Evidence book deals with an appellant trying to get a new case because the jury on his previous case admitted to being extremely drunk and high. The jurors even confessed to smoking weed and snorting cocaine while on lunch breaks. All I have to say is that Jury Duty is the new college.

OCI stuff

Finishing up the resume. Tomorrow im going to write a cover letter for all the other firms I plan on applying to. Everyone warns about writing one cover letter for mass use, but I plan on tailoring this one specifically per firm. I formerly thought that this was self-explanatory, but apparently "forgetting to brush your teeth" isnt either. In fact, the list of things not to do at an interview was hilarious. I wonder if anyone really "gets it". Including myself.

40 yr old vigin (my true identity)

Maybe I am too picky. I thought the movie sucked. Everyone else thought it was hilarious. I am just too high maitenance.

Mt. Everest, Here we come!

A friend of mine, who I think doesnt really know me that well, called me a "social climber". Is this a good thing?

Day Off Numero Uno

Woke up at 7:30 am because the thought of sleeping in on vacation was too profound for me. Immediately started on my resume. It is particularly tough to write somewhat objectively on the resume. Too bad you cant write, "office stud.. see references" and leave it be. That might have been a little arrogant, but then again, you all wouldnt be reading this if you didnt agree.

Plastic floats

If you havent seen Comedy Central's Roast of Pamel Anderson, I strongly reccomend it. Hilarious.

Apparently I'm not the only one...

http://www.jd2b.com/VanderbiltLawReview.pdf

Who I am

My personality is a double edged sword. On one hand, I am super ambitious, ready to achieve my goals no matter what. On the other hand, in my down time I cant relax. Here it is, not even 24 hours after I am done working, and all I think about is starting school. Character flaw. Apparently my father has the same affliction. How does one learn to relax? An elusive answer for sure.

Bored Brainless

Now that I dont have to work, I have nothing to do. I really dont want to start school stuff yet. That would be pathetic. Or would it?

Comments

Does anyone know how to stop comment spammers? I am thinking about turning off anonymous comments.

Thats it?

Four months and that is it? Give me a break. It was like, "see yah". Some were genuine. Some, clearly uncomfortable. It truly is a miserable existence.

Shh. Just go

Tomorrow is my last day at the firm. Hopefully for only a few months. I cant believe ive been there a week shy of four months. Even crazier is that most clerkships are only 8-10 weeks long. In retrospect, it has been a fun summer. Ive learned alot and I really feel like I got a good education at the firm. Hopefully everyone else had a fun summer.

Next thursday is orientation at my new school. That should be weird going thru all of that again. Then Monday we start. Time to crack down. Time to start the caffeine binges. Time to enjoy not working for a change.

evaluations

Firm evaluations today. Things went really well. It was nice to hear that I exceeded expectations of what a 1L could do. On that note, I think people might have just aimed low so they werent dissappointed. Either way, I have a decent chance at getting an offer for next summer before Fall Recruitment starts. We shall see.

In other news, I worked almost 12 hours today. That is enough typing to make anyone numb.

In sexier news, there is a hottie in florida on vacation now that i miss tons and tons. hope to see her soon.

Fall Recruitment

Went to a mandatory fall recruitment meeting to get the scoop on On Campus Interviews. Looks like I am going to have one week from Friday to get all my stuff turned in.

Most of the kids looked smart as hell in there. Some even asked some relevant questions. I am going to have to study my ass off.

Slammed

Getting my two hardest projects of the summer in my last week at work sucks. Considering I have three days to finish about 45 hours of work, I would say im probably working next week.

Camping

A night of camping and this city slicker has had enough. It was great. The doggie swam, went tubing with a boat. Topped it off with a nice speeding ticket on the way home. 76 in a 55 allegedly. I still say the pig had the wrong car. He was rude too. He didnt even let me drop that I was in law school. Guess I will just have to let the judge know when I appear in court.

They dont make a pill for this

With one week at my clerkship left, I have to say that it has been very dramatic. One week i love it. The next I hate it. Nothing really changes with the work. Some projects are better than others but for the most part, my enjoyment comes when I am in a good mood. Part of me expected more, the other realizes that work is work, and im not exactly getting paid to play basketball like I had dreamed of as a boy.

I see the next few years of my life being exactly of what I make of them. But does it ever get to a point where I wont be able to affect change like I think I can. For example, I happen to have about 60 hours work of work to get done in one week. Not the way I envisioned my last week there. Apparently, the firm is notorious for assigning clerks lots of projects in their last week. This comes with the territory of working for a "real" firm.

So I plan on finishing strong. Then my week off will be spent writing my law review paper to see if can sneak on. If I have any time to spare, im sure it will be spent worrying about the rest of my life. That seems to be what I do for fun. Seriously.

Fall Schedule

I got bent over for most of the classes I want. Nevertheless, I am on track to graduate with 15 credits a term. I ended up with a few good ones, and I cant really complain because I got Fridays off. This is what I ended up with:

Employment Law 3 credits
Evidence 4 credits
Business Associations 3 credits
LRW 2 credits pass/ fail
Civil Procedure I 3 credits

Chapter Nine

Have you ever met someone that was so morally bankrupt that it shocked the shit out of you? Some people have a really skewed view of this world.

Secrets

Hearing secrets about the firm you work at can be unnerving to hear. Basically in a nutshell, were all fucked.

The spanish word for lawyer

Cheap sushi.......$4

3 Jack and Cokes..............$9

Realizing you miss abogada and would do anything for her.....................Priceless.

We salute you, Mr. Pretendstobeyourpalsohecanhititwhenyouleave

Guys, take a close look at yourself. Dont be that guy.

To the Haters at my old school

Fuck off.

Things like... you running around town naked?

It still amazes me how much the clerks want to bitch every time they are asked what they dont like about the summer. Like the associates are going to sympathize or something. They are probably going to repeat it verbatim to the hiring partner.

I will tell you what I like. I like a paycheck. I like an intellectually stimulating job. I like the fact that no two days are going to be the same at work. I like the fact that people cant read minds. I like the fact that in no way is practicing law like the movie office space.

Dukes of Hazzard

Is the best movie of the summer. Beats out Wedding Crashers. Ms. Simpson deserves an Oscar and a beefcake and im not talking about that fratboy wannabe Nicky Le Chez.

These boots were made for walking

Nice boring weekend. 3 weeks till school starts. Get work evaluations next week. Should be fun to find out what the attorneys thought.

Happy Birthday Abogada

Happy Birthday Love. Gosh, you are old.

Rent's due!

Im taking guesses as to how I got into my new school.

A Nice Day

I came home from a boring day at work to find two packages. In the first, school supplies and a sweet card from my woman. In the other, my acceptance letter to my dream school. Aside from missing her tons, life is good.

Round peg in a square hole

A commenter brought up a good point about not showing their true personality because it would make the partners realize that the summer wasnt a good fit with the firm.

I think this is true in any business. Most people arent really the type that fit in. They do so because its good for business, longevity, paying bills, etc. Thats why I was so shocked this weekend to see their true colors.

Another clerk felt the same way but was prepared to make it known that she didnt approve of the way some partners were behaving. A noble position, but not one to yield a job offer, at least from my point of view.

What a sad, capitalistic world we live in. And please, no comments about "only in America". I should have been a dentist.

The golf tournament

It was a fun weekend. Golfed 27 holes. Ate good food. Watched senior partners act like 15 year olds who had never drank before. It was kinda sad really. One even passed out at a bar we went to. Aside from that, it was nice to see the attorneys out of their normal skins. It amazes me how much better some people's personalities are when they arent in a restrictive environment. The most disheartening thing about it is to realize that someone you look up to might be a complete scumbag outside of work. Pretty much like the time I found out from a legitimate source that Michael Jordan cheated on his former wife.

Be prepared?

The boy scouts have had a shitty summer. First four of their leaders are electrocuted from lightning. Then a bunch of scouts got heat stroke at the summer jamboree. Then another group of them get struck by lightning again, killing another. You dont have to tell me twice. I hereby renounce my membership. Or at least the membership i had 15 years ago.

OOH Thats firm

Time to watch the new NBC lawyer reality show.

Get in your home. Dont you want to go home!

Today is the night before the annual attorney-clerk golf tournament. Everyone at the firm is ranked on a skill level, with teams of four being matched up. The teams are supposed to be pretty fair and are comprised of various skill levels and seniority levels. Im praying that I wont be paired with any senior or named partners. My golf game sucks. On the other hand, i bought a nice polo, so at least i will look good while I whiff the ball. More details on this event to follow. Lets just say that I bought bulletproof shoes, so there will be no shooting myself in the foot (i am not going to get too drunk and say something stupid).

Turned in an important memo yesterday, and apparently it didnt change the partner's life like I had hoped.

Look for a post saturday afternoon, unless the local jails are full of crap and dont in fact have wi-fi.

Surreal

Decided out of the blue to call my dream school and harass them for an answer regarding my transfer application. The deans assistant first told me that my file was on the deans desk and that i would be receiving an answer within a couple days. 5 minutes later the dean called to inform me that i was admitted. Amidst a rush of emotions, i told my fellow attorneys at the firm. Doing the lawyerly thing, they took me for drinks. I tried some expensive whiskey. Stick with Jack. It is much better.

It still hasnt sunk in. I just wanted to say thanks to my friends and family. Without you I couldnt have made it this far.

Saucer of Milk Table 2

I have to say thanks for all the people who commented on the last post. Y'all definitely made my afternoon enjoyable. The truth is that law school is just a joke, and the real test is the first 5 years of practice. Maybe check back here in 5 to see how I did.

Im finishing up an important memo that is going in front of two partners tomorrow. Also finishing up my first ever answer and third party complaint. It was easier than I thought.

Had lunch with the #1 named partner at the firm. He is a really nice guy considering he is practically a god in this town. Anyway, I had the ribeye.

Introspect

Working at the firm is cool. It just doesnt spark much for blogging lately. Went for drinks on Friday with quite a few associates. The theme of the day seemed to be bitter. Each were complaining about how there are better ways to make money than being a lawyer. Billable hours came up as the most hated part of practicing. Im that guy that always says, "not me" when I hear how others deal with things. I keep thinking i am invincible to the things that make lawyers hate practicing biglaw. Am I naive?

On a different note, its amazing how some of the worst situations can spawn a new outlook. I have a new outlook on making that special girlie in my life happy. I would tell you more about it but then one of you good looking readers might just copy it and call her up and steal her away from me.

failure

things are really fucked up right now. i have lost my woman. at this point, she probably wont even let me call her that. I do know one thing. She is a good woman. Ive learned that even if a good woman is partly wrong, she is still mostly right.

Now the sadness starts. I'm not even sure that i can get over her. She pretty much is the reason I try to succeed in life. I didnt used to think that, until i met her. She helped me through a long, rough, period of my life. How did I repay her? By transferring schools. By leaving her alone in the big city.

I find it ironic that I actually didnt think she would leave. She and I have some differences, but damn, im not sure that they arent anything but minor details in the way. She is so wonderful in so many ways, and i really f'ed up in showing her. What am I thinking? She could have any guy in the world and she used to want me.

The hardest part about dating someone so wonderful, is that nothing will ever add up. I truly found the most wonderful woman in the world and I didnt do enough to make her happy. I wouldnt even say that most of her standards were impossible. She is by far the sweetest, most caring girl. She doesnt have "issues" like most. She comforts me when im sad. She knows when to give me a hug. She knows when I just need a kiss on the cheek.

I am still amazed at my stupidity. I need her to know how wonderful she is, and I need her to know that I would do anything for her. If she needs me to prove it this time, I gladly will.

If you read this baby doll, im sorry. i truly am.

life (cinnamon)

some times things happen in a particular order that seem to go against what you are intending to happen. even the best plans can fail. when they do, i have learned that it is best to just drown your sorrows in whiskey and not eat for a weekend. or two.

perception

It amazes me how even with the best intentions someone still ends up hurt.

Wedding Crashers

Was hilarious, but by no means the next Old School. Vince Vaughn was great but the plot needed some bigger bones.

Blah Blah Blah

I spent the day reading coverage opinions and finishing a third party complaint. I was amazed to hear that they dont teach you how to write complaints at most law schools. This was verified by two other attorneys. Maybe you've heard differently?

Still waiting on my dream school to decide either way. If I was admitted I wouldnt have to pay tons-0-money to live in a nearby city. I wrote the Dean requesting an interview. I figure at this point, I have nothing to lose.

Blogging is so cliche these days.

perspective

I watched the early news while eating dinner with my family tonight. There was a touching story about a woman who was terminally ill with cancer who had a very short time to live left. The woman was raising her 3 year old daughter and trying to make as many journal entries, videos, cards, etc. before she passed away.

It made me think about how fortunate I am to be healthy and to have a wonderful family and network of friends. It made me happy to have such a wonderful and caring girlfriend.

All in all, it made me realize that even if I work 12 hour days, just to give my family a good life, that the privilege to do so is a greater privilege than most get. I need to take better steps to realize this.

The firm has been good lately, although the work load is slim. While this would be fine if I was on salary, I get paid per billable hour. Now that my credit card is paid off, the money I make in the next 4 weeks is all gravy.

I cant wait to get back to studying again. There. I said it.

Dont go away mad, just go away.

sorry folks. the show is over. thanks for watching.

I feel

numb

Harvard v. Cooley Round 2

The case settled. All in all, we won. I wouldnt necessarily say it was due to skill. More about the specific facts in this case. So for now, Harvard is ok in my book. Plus, ive been going to a lot of clerk functions lately and touting Cooley as a premier law school. Its hilarious to see the amazement on these stiff's face when they find out that a 4th tier law student got into a 1st tier school and had a 1l clerkship. Screw the rankings. They dont mean anything.

Cooley KO's Harvard in a long 12 round battle. Adrian!

Have i told you lately that i love you?

Nothing is particularly exciting lately. I find day to day at the firm to be mildly amusing, but my projects lately have been simple and mind numbing. Even more mind numbing is trying to think of something to share with the world on here. I dont talk about much of substance on here anyway. If any of you readers are considering proposing a book deal to me, nows your chance.

This blog's days are numbered.

Reef and Beef

That is what Australians call Surf and Turf. Also, I am sick of writing this blog.

war of the worlds

sucks.

She's all that

I just got back from visiting my sweetheart. I had the best weekend. When im with her, time is no concept. The entire weekend was one blur of happiness. We went to Cedar Point and rode the two tallest rollercoasters in the world. We lounged at the pool and enjoyed every second of eachother's company. It is hard to describe how I feel without her, other than sheer agony. I cant wait to see her again.

A good F U is in Order

I am intoxicated. Better yet I am an ass. Not only did I call my girlfriend way after she went to bed, but now I am packing drunk. We all know how that turns out. ONe sock missing, no underwear, and your stamp collection in the suitcase.

I also wanted a big Fuck you to whoever discovered Spicoli and informed him about it. You jealous pricks are TTT.

I have nothing else relevant to say except that in less than 24 hours I will be cuddling with my woman, and that my friends, means more to me than anything.

Im off the great pig fucking capital of the country. See y'all in a few days.

Look at that S Car Go

Lunched with an equity partner and the three other summer clerks. I had the macaroni and cheese with sausage. The $16 dollar macaroni and cheese. I polished it off with a slice of cheesecake and a coffee. It was splendid. Then we all smoked cigars while getting a pedicures and cucumber wraps. Ok, i admit. Everything after "splendid" is a lie, but the macaroni and cheese was the shiznit. It was also just under a shade of 2,000 calories itself. Im pretty sure the cheesecake aint fat free either. Look at me ramble. This is turning into a hygiene blog isnt it. Sorry.

I checked the response to the MSJ today in the Harvard v. Cooley case and im fairly confident that we have at least a chance to win. Actually, im positive we have a chance to win. It will still be some time before we know the results, so best not to call me and ask me to talk about it at 3am. Lunch tomorrow with another patna'. Ooh lala.

And for my non legal readers: MSJ stands for Mooching Some Jellybeans. Wow. That was really lame.

Thats what we like to call a doozy

This is funny. It seems that the largest firm in the city I live in (100 atty's), wanted to become "diversified", so they implemented their own version of affirmative action. They decided to hire an African-American as a summer clerk. They scoured the country and found one gentleman who they thought was a perfect fit. His cover letter told of the adversity this person faced and how he has truly overcome some obstacles to get to where he is at in law school. While the person went to an obscure law school on the opposite side of the country, the firm requested the students transcripts. The student assured the firm that the transcripts had been requested and were on the way. The firm, happy they found someone to fit their racial profiling, made the student an offer.

As the student prepared to start his summer clerkship, he called the firms HR Coordinator and told them that he needed more money. Aside from the $1800 a week he was initially getting he needed a cost of living increase and moving expenses paid. The firm hesitated but conceded, thinking about the marketing opportunities of having a "diverse" summer staff.

The student started the clerkship and it was readily apparent that he couldnt write worth a damn. The firm, still not having recieved the students transripts was alarmed. They inquired with the students school only to be informed that the student was actually NOT a law student, but a con artist who scammed a large firm in a neighboring market the year before.

The firm, not wanting to tarnish their "prestigious" image, bit their tongue. The student meanwhile has just made a ton of cash and will probably not face any criminal charges. It is more prudent for the firm to just shut up and learn from this. I just verified the story through some colleagues and this is all legit. So the next time you think your summer is a former white house intern, I would call Curious George and verify the hell out of it.

Au Revoir student debt consolidation!

• Land of the dead wasnt a sequel like it was supposed to be. Nevertheless good for some flesh eating fun.
• Actually got some good projects that might take up some time this week.
• Received a financial aid award from a school im not even admitted to.
• 4 days until I see my baby.
• Im not surfing in Florida no matter how much you pay me.
• For my midwest readers, paying off loans just went from "next to impossible" to "you have a better shot sleeping with your sister again".
• For my westcoast readers, paying off loans with the new rates just went from "you mean I will be 50 years old before I pay off my first house" to "forget the hotties, im marrying for money".
• For my east coast readers, fuggeddabout it. You dont read this anyway.

The cover is pretty close to the book

Im sick of being sick of being misunderstood. People dont listen to your words. They listen to your actions. And sometimes they even ingore those. Sometimes solitude is bliss.

Balooga and Caviar taste like crap

Need a feel good song for those moving along life's fast pace?

Weezer- "Beverly Hills"

Kenny Rodger's younger brother

Everyone went drinking at 5. I wanted to go for a little while to hang with a few associates that I havent spent a lot of time with this summer, so i went. I am absolutely sick of drinking, as everyone does this a little too much for my taste. So when the waitress came buy, I ordered a Roy Rodgers. Its kinda funny that in the last ten years I have not had a kids drink until I finally clerk at a big firm. The frat boy in me was upset that I didnt go hog wild at the bar.

Billable hours

Read this about billable hours and tell me what you think. I pretty much agree that you bill 2/3 of the hours you work. My firm requires 2000 hours a year. Not anything like NYC, LA, or CHI, but still long hours nevertheless.

This profession is not for the weak.

Ree-hee-heely

Today was a redeeming day. I have been a little stressed out about the response to the MSJ lately. Today, I turned it in reluctantly 1/2 a day late. All day I stewed about how it would sit with him.

Mid afternoon I went to see an oral argument at the Federal Courthouse down the street. It was the same old thing until the judge started clipping his fingernails while the parties were giving their arguments. I was in awe. One attorney even lost his train of thought. That wasnt even the worst part. Then the judge starting dozing off. His head would bounce until the rigidity of his neck woke him back up. Glad it wasnt my argument that inspired the siesta.

Later in the day the attorney called me in to his office to "discuss" my memo. I was crappin some serious bricks at this point. As I sat down in his office, he looked at me and said that I did a really good job. He said my writing was "praiseworthy". I was so happy im not sure I even heard the rest of the feedback. To make a long story longer, he assigned me more work. Repeat business is always a good thing.

Capped the day off with drinks in celebration of two new attorneys at the firm. Two named partners showed up which is a rare thing, so I schmoozed my ass off.

The real joy of my day: Finding out that the attorney who had called my writing "praiseworthy" two hours previous, is a former nominee of the pulitzer prize for his writing before lawschool.

For my non legal readers: MSJ stands for Monogamous Single Jackrabbits.

You cant handle the truth

I suppose you deserve the truth. Amazingly, some people actually read this blog for law related stuff.

I seem to be running into a wall at work. My personal happiness. I know im supposed to shut up and be thankful that I have a paid clerkship. I still am thankful. Part of me asks what the f im doing. Dont get me wrong. I love writing. I feel bad that most of you get the little crap I have left at the end of a long day typing. I love crafting an argument. I love the adversarial process. I love how every case is different.

What I dont love: Billable hours. I spend on average 11 hours a day to bill about 9. While this seems inefficient, it actually is really good. The reason why I do so well at this? Overloading. My plate is too full. I have simply gotten to that point where I look at that damn MSJ and all I want to do is throw my computer out the window.

I happen to be 80% done with it and I have about 1 hour to finish and spell check it before its 12 hours overdue. Im so frustrated with things. I find it humorous that I spend time getting to know people who say "I will" when I tell them to have a good night. I find it amazing that I am so naive to think that this wont have a toll on my life.

I found myself getting really worked up about this today. My heartrate was up there. I am finally eating my words about making Biglaw fun. Two solid months and im burnt to a crisp. Sure, im gonna be in a better mood tomorrow. But so is the partner who just decided that ignoring me was getting boring and now he has an assignment for me. And by the way, it was due yesterday.

Just another friday night without my baby

The new batman is awesome. Great plot. Costume are great too.

Where is my girlie?

Harvard v. Cooley Round 1

This should be interesting. Putting together a response to an MSJ for almost a week now. Just found out that the attorney who wrote the opposing council's memo is a Harvard Law School grad, Summa Cum Laude. This will be interesting to see how my reply fares in court. Stay tuned. For those who put stock in the rankings, this is an accurate test. The opposing attorney has been practicing for a while and works for a major firm in a large market. I however am a 2L from a T4 determined to do well. I should note however, that the attorney I am submitting this to is going to fill in the patchwork where I left stuff out. The arguments essentially will be mine though. Trust that I will give an accurate reporting of how things turn out.

And for my non-legal readers: MSJ stands for Midget Sumo Jujitsu.

Rumor du jour

I leave for two months and the rumor mill starts up. Apparently I have dropped out of law school and am no longer dating my hottie. News to me. Neither are true but who the hell bothers to check up on these things before they believe them. Maybe I will run into these peons in the courtroom.

Almost finished with my response to the MSJ. For you non legal readers that stands for Minnesota Students Jamboree. And who doesnt like a good jamboree?

In the news: Michael Jackson says no more sleepovers with little boys. Wow. Was this your idea Michael? I cant believe that you are smart enough to be the king of pop, but too stupid to realize that sleepovers with the rugrats might be a bad idea.

Beat this

I dont care what anyone says. He still is a freak, and he still likes little boys. This isnt the first time someone guilty got off. The first was when this whole suit started.

That Hansel is so hot right now.

Its funny how one day you are the bomb, and the next you are yesterday's blog. I think its time to put this blog down...

That dont impress me much

Today was tough. I am writing a response to the Plaintiff's MSJ in a trademark infringement case. Tough stuff. Wrote for 8 hours straight.

I found out that the firm pays $20k a month to Westlaw. What the F? Why didnt I think of organizing all that crap online and calling it alexlaw and charging a gazillion smackeroonies for it? Somebody is getting bling'ed from this company. Which brings me to my next point. Why is all their free stuff crap if they make so much? Do they really think I will be impressed with a highlighter and coffee mug now that I know how much they make?

No I wont. Throw in some eraseable pens and were talking.

And the award goes to...

Tell me that my favorite show is meaningless. I will have you know that Boalt hall at UC Berkely now has an award called "the sandy" based on Peter Gallagher's character on the The OC. The award is meant to help future public defenders get started in their careers, since as we know PD's are not paid the same as other types of lawyers.

Now they just need to have "The Seth" which would award people for their creative sarcasm, and unbridled wit. I might actually have a shot at that.

For more details, check out this.

Woe is me

Im over it.

The grass is not greener

Im sitting around bored, surprised that i cant find anything fun to do. It amazes me how much my mind wanders when i have nothing to do.

No MSG here..

A lateral associate, who's is very close to partner has me working on a big federal suit involving trademark infringement. 430pm today was our deadline to file our MSJ. Coincidentally, the partner i've been working on the land use digest article comes to me and says that the digest article (which i finished two weeks ago but he failed to edit) is due at 4pm.

Keep in mind that I need to be political here. Do I appease the partner who more likely in control of my impending career with the firm, or do I help the associate file his msj wholly knowing he isnt helping my career too much?

I did the right thing. I helped the partner until the last possible second until I had to leave to file the MSJ. As I was leaving, I told the partner what needed to be done on the digest article, and he wanted to know where I was going. I told him we had a really expensive federal case which needed to be filed and it shut him up real quick. Nothing talks louder to a stodgy partner than cashola.

Needless to say, he finished the article, I filed my first federal MSJ ever and I got home in time to watch Doogie Houser reruns. The ironic thing is that Doogie used to write on a journal on his computer about 10 years before any blog came out. Thats irony.

For my non-legal readers: MSJ means Mayonaise Sanwich Jurisprudence. Its a type of legal argument used in suits against food companies.

Shake the magic 8ball

I spent the day working with an associate who just joined the firm a year ago after doing a 3 year stint with a federal judge. She is a sharp attorney and has really given me some great advice. The advice today kinda bummed me out though. "Prepare to work 6 or 7 days a week your first few years practicing". Thank God I only have two more years of school and a bar exam before I start all this. No wonder why lawyers say law school was the easy part.

The red pen flows freely.

I spent the day revising the digest article over and over and the partner is still not happy. He had the audacity to ask me if I was getting paid for writing the article. I countered tell him that I expected to be nominated for a pulitzer prize for the damn article. Sometimes there is no making everyone happy.

Serial Killer

And I killed another ream today printing USCA 1125. Fun reading. This statute is to Trademark law, what Paris Hilton is to Carls Jr.

Way to ruin the perfect season, Mr. RuinstheperfectSeasonh!

I have a confession. When my research projects come down to the wire i call 1-800-Westlaw. There. I said it. And to be honest, it makes me feel good cuz they dont find anything I havent. This seems to be a crutch to my research skills development, but all the other clerks do it. Plus, who wants to miss a deadline when you cant find something?

Fine, Maybe you can handle the truth.

I rode the train home with an associate that was very influential before I left for law school. I was lucky enough to catch a few trials of his before I left the firm last summer, and after seeing him, I knew I wanted to be a litigator.

On the train ride home he confessed to me that he hates his career. If he could go back and do it again, he wouldnt.

I am usually pretty unbreakable with my opinions, but his outright contempt for the profession struck me pretty hard. I didnt especially like the hours of studying that I did my first year, and I really didnt like most of my fellow classmates. Now that I am the real world and working 12 hours a day, Im not too sure whether I like the work either.

One thing I do know however, is that to be upper middle class in this country you need a good job. I have given up on finding one that I will "love" because no one will pay a short, white guy $100k a year to play basketball and blog. So either way, you will work your ass off one way or another if you plan on living large. I happen to be good at the qualities that make lawyers successful, so for now this is my thing.

I have been feeling this for a while, but didnt know how to say it without incurring a huge backlash.

Play that funky music white boy

Become a lawyer so you can impress without having to resort to your dancing moves...

http://www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html

Triple Billing

Apparently, triple billing is the way to go. In order to do this, you need to be driving on the way to court, waiting on hold to talk to a different client, and while waiting on hold, dictating a memo to your secretary. I hear there is a way to bill 4 clients at once but the only thing that springs to mind is not suitable for your eyes. Anyone else know a way?

Heere kitty

Another addicting game that further proves that reading my blog will make you impotent.

http://www.burstfilms.com/games/kitten.php

Timber!

It was a sad day. I had to print a statute that was 423 pages. I felt like a dirtbag printing it, but it was necessary for a case. What a waste.

I did not Shoplift the pootie!

The best part about devoting your hard work to a digest article is the fun experience you will get reading it after the partner goes through it with a red pen. I spent many hours making this article the one that would change everyone's life. I saw the beginning scene of Jerry McGuire in my head, where he writes the memo and he thinks it will make people cream. That is how my digest article went, minus the whole getting fired and dating a single mom thing that Jerry had going on. So the partner handed me back the article today with only a few marks. He says its too long. Yeah. You try shortening a 50 page case from 5 pages into less. Its 4 now. This better be good enough or im taking Flipper with me.

One more concern. They tell us that Westlaw is billed to the firm regardless of how long we spend on the damn program. Good thing cuz the rep says that we get charged per search, which makes my grand total for the research ive done so far, $500,000.

Guess who's back?

I spent the day researching the whether an arbitration clause in a credit card contract can require a west coaster to go to the east coast for mandatory arbitration. The answer is yes. Pay your credit cards.

Hey, sorry for the mushy posts. Just kidding. Kiss my ass if you dont like reading. Admit it. This blog is the only thing that keeps you from jumping.

Lame legal pirate joke!

Why does a pirate hate court?

Cuz he prefers ARRRbitration!

Dating long distance

The hardest thing about dating long distance is the fact that you cannot do anything about being ignored. You can be persistent and call when hung up on, but most likely will merit a free rental of swimfan at Blockbuster. Or you can sit and stew about it like I am doing.

Defender of the public

For those of you interested in being public defenders, this post is funny.

So Close No Matter How Far

I still remember when I saw you first. You caught my eye, and I caught yours. There was an unspoken bond immediately although I wasnt sure I would ever see you again. You were instant familiar, a colorful beauty in a black and white background.

We ran into eachother a few times and I knew I needed to hear your voice. I took the bait and it tasted sweet; Your smile hooked me from day one.

As we spent more time together I noticed how special you were. Hours felt seconds hanging out with you. Time started to go faster and before I knew it, I had to leave. Had being a choice that was made long before I started this journey.

So now I sit here. Helpless. Clutching the past with white knuckles, never letting go of you. The pain of leaving only subsides when the searing pain of missing sets in again. Im not sure when I will get to hold you again, but I know it wont be long. Hang on princess...

Trial

Attended a $17 million trial today with one of the partners. I have to say that this experience solidified my interests in being a litigator. Civil suits are wear its at baby. Italian suits are nice too.

Nerd Superbowl

I cant remember if i blogged about this already, but the nerd superbowl was awesome. The special effects were great, the action was non stop, and all my pressing questions about where darth vader came from were answered. I cant wait until the boxed set with all six versions comes out. Then I will invite my closest friends and we will dress up at watch all six in a row, switching characters after each episode.

You Ass

The best part of working your ass off on an assignment, putting all sorts of detail into the project, is to have the partner look at you and say, "I didnt read it yet. It looks to long".

Grades

Today I realized that i might be tasting something that I will never taste again. I by no means am counting myself out. Im just a little down about my 2nd term grades. The firm I work for usually hires from the top 5% of their class. I was nowhere close to that 1st term, let alone where I am now.

So for now I will put in my time and show them why real life means so much more than a silly test. I have no clue whether I even have a shot, but i know that if I show them how good i am, they wont be able to refuse me. Or will they?

Everyone at the office is wheezing. I feel like I have asthma when i walk up the stairs. Hopefully I will be better by the weekend.

The Reset Button

Finished the land use article. Found three more research projects. Loving life right now. The only thing that would make this complete is if my woman was here to enjoy it with me. Grades come out tomorrow. Im nervous. The first three are not stellar. Lets hope for the last two. Off to bed so I can get into the office early and start billing some time.

I miss you

I met with a senior partner today, who happens to be extremely eccentric. I handed him a case that I found, which happened to be on point and I didnt really know it. So as I start to explain he tells me to shhh. He looks at me and says, "When you are in the courtroom and you are winning, keep your mouth shut. You dont want to ruin a good thing." He then congratulated me for find the case. Apparently he had been looking for a while with no sucess.

Turned in my land use digest article to another partner. This one is going to be tough to get some kudos for. It was a tough subject and I am just happy to have it off my desk.

Tomorrow, more research.

This weekend: Nerd Superbowl (Star Wars)

Sorry to all my friends who I havent called back. Now if you'll excuse me, time to go dream of my princess.

This is the title

I spent the day writing the rest of the digest article and I have to say that i think it stinks. I love how my writing looks great until i print it and proofread it.

Went to lunch with an associate who is considered the bomb in property law. He gives me great insight on what i need to do to be competitive in the market. He also gets to the office at 6am leaves by 5pm and has a family, 2 dogs, and an acre. I admire him, because he takes the time to be a great guy while putting up with a lot of crap. He is one of my mentors among many.

Went to a bar association dinner and it was a sleeper. The food was good, but no amount of booze and chocolate cake will make up for the lack of zest. Although, one speaker called his colleague the Michael Jordan of baseball, which i thought was hilarious.

It is crazy to think of how much effort it will take to start my career as a lawyer. I see lawyers with families and I know I can make it work. Not only can i make it work, I can make it fun.

Off to beddybye for me.