Survey Says

What does a fish-smelling, studio condo in a rich neighborhood say about a person?

• 2 people said that the owner probably makes love to large fish or even whales without his friends knowing.
• 3 people concurred with above opinion but added that the owner probably pours fish oil all over himself while watching Richard Simmons videos.
• 5 people laughed too hard to answer the question.
• 1 republican looked shocked that i knew his boyfriend.
• 22 PETA members beat me with my clipboard and demanded said owner's address "to free their aquatic friends".
• 1 person, beat all the PETA members wearing Kanye West's fur coat from his Gold Digger video, while singing blame it on the rain.
• 33 people overwhelmingly said the owner is probably just compensating for a lack of something.

Update: Michael Jackson just emailed me back and weighed in on the survey. Im quoting folks. "And you think im fucked up?.."