You cant handle the truth

I suppose you deserve the truth. Amazingly, some people actually read this blog for law related stuff.

I seem to be running into a wall at work. My personal happiness. I know im supposed to shut up and be thankful that I have a paid clerkship. I still am thankful. Part of me asks what the f im doing. Dont get me wrong. I love writing. I feel bad that most of you get the little crap I have left at the end of a long day typing. I love crafting an argument. I love the adversarial process. I love how every case is different.

What I dont love: Billable hours. I spend on average 11 hours a day to bill about 9. While this seems inefficient, it actually is really good. The reason why I do so well at this? Overloading. My plate is too full. I have simply gotten to that point where I look at that damn MSJ and all I want to do is throw my computer out the window.

I happen to be 80% done with it and I have about 1 hour to finish and spell check it before its 12 hours overdue. Im so frustrated with things. I find it humorous that I spend time getting to know people who say "I will" when I tell them to have a good night. I find it amazing that I am so naive to think that this wont have a toll on my life.

I found myself getting really worked up about this today. My heartrate was up there. I am finally eating my words about making Biglaw fun. Two solid months and im burnt to a crisp. Sure, im gonna be in a better mood tomorrow. But so is the partner who just decided that ignoring me was getting boring and now he has an assignment for me. And by the way, it was due yesterday.