I can never seem to be happy with my memo for LRW. I keep refining it, so much that I am only halfway done with it and its due on Tuesday.
It is kinda frustrating to see all the people doing OCI interviews too. I have to wait and see whether my firm wants to bring me back. I am trying not to let it bother me. Getting rid of OCD is like telling J-LO to get a smaller bootie. You just dont get rid of stuff that works for you. OCD is inherent in most law students, and is actually a good thing. Without it, mind numbing details would be overlooked and pursuit of perfection would be cast aside in favor of a few beers.
Employment law is the camel on my back. Driving me nuts. I remember the good old days when you could fire someone simply by saying, "Off with their head". I hope those days return and that im the one saying it.
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There should be a handbook on how to fire people.
Idea #1: Send them a promotion letter outlining a great new position, increased salary, extra benefits, and a company car. Then at the bottom, tell them that’s what they might have had if they had worked harder. Then tell them they're fired.
Idea #2: Tell them they're fired at home with a singing telegram.
Idea #3: Have an hour long meeting about how profits are up and the outlook for the company is really good. Then fire them.
Idea #4: Get on the intercom system and ask the person to come to their termination meeting.
Idea #5: Tell the person they need a vacation. When they deny it say "Fine. Fuck you. You're fired!"
Idea #6: Have a team of six people put together the same work that the person in question is responsible for. Include lots of colorful graphs, coversheets, extra analysis, and additional reports. Tell them that one person did this in their spare time and that the position is going to him now.
Idea #7: Watch the person on the security camera system. Wait till they are getting some coffee and shout on the intercom system "Anyone getting coffee right now is fired!!"
Idea #8: Ask them if they like Dilbert cartoons. Whether they say yes or no, tell them they're fired. Make sure your hair looks like one of the characters, preferably the evil boss.
Idea #9: If they so much as look at a member of the opposite sex, have them fired for harassment and insensitivity. Send the person looked at to counseling sessions to cover your tracks.
Idea #10: Start the conversation with "I've never had to fire someone for a hygiene problem. I really wasn't looking forward to this...."
-Straight dOPE.
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