This is funny. It seems that the largest firm in the city I live in (100 atty's), wanted to become "diversified", so they implemented their own version of affirmative action. They decided to hire an African-American as a summer clerk. They scoured the country and found one gentleman who they thought was a perfect fit. His cover letter told of the adversity this person faced and how he has truly overcome some obstacles to get to where he is at in law school. While the person went to an obscure law school on the opposite side of the country, the firm requested the students transcripts. The student assured the firm that the transcripts had been requested and were on the way. The firm, happy they found someone to fit their racial profiling, made the student an offer.
As the student prepared to start his summer clerkship, he called the firms HR Coordinator and told them that he needed more money. Aside from the $1800 a week he was initially getting he needed a cost of living increase and moving expenses paid. The firm hesitated but conceded, thinking about the marketing opportunities of having a "diverse" summer staff.
The student started the clerkship and it was readily apparent that he couldnt write worth a damn. The firm, still not having recieved the students transripts was alarmed. They inquired with the students school only to be informed that the student was actually NOT a law student, but a con artist who scammed a large firm in a neighboring market the year before.
The firm, not wanting to tarnish their "prestigious" image, bit their tongue. The student meanwhile has just made a ton of cash and will probably not face any criminal charges. It is more prudent for the firm to just shut up and learn from this. I just verified the story through some colleagues and this is all legit. So the next time you think your summer is a former white house intern, I would call Curious George and verify the hell out of it.
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"Harold!"
"Yes Reginold?"
"I've been thinking...wouldn't it be just posh to have a darker intern for a change?"
"Oh dear me! A Samoan?"
"Think bigger."
"Do you mean an actual African American?"
"Just imagine!"
"Why that’s extraordinary! We could have him pose in the office brochure, identify racial intolerance..."
"I think the judges will just love him to death."
"This is marvelous! I must say old chap; capital job!"
"But we can't take him golfing."
"Oh course not. Lets not get too crazy now. I thought that you had an African American on staff already."
"Turns out he's half Egyptian. Close, no cigar."
"Ah."
"But he is Jewish. 60th anniversary of WWII and all. I felt we should keep him on."
"Of course, of course. But a real genuine person of Zulu heritage...that’s the diamond and the setting!"
"Do you suppose he will use colloquialisms?”
“Hm. Can’t imagine why he wouldn’t.”
“You know, when they say ‘thang’ instead of ‘thing’ and instead of definitely, ‘for rizz-‘ oh I can’t do it but you know what I mean.”
“Yes, yes. I’m sure we can find one with colloquialisms. He might even play basketball.”
“What’s basketball?”
“It’s a sport poor people play. Think of racquet ball, except the ball is ten times bigger, you use your hands, and score is based on putting it into a basket high in the air.”
“Ah! Doesn’t your little Egyptian play that?”
”Actually, I think he does. I was going to match them up and call it ‘Basketball Battle for Africa!’”
“Splendid old chap! You make the phone call and I’ll get the funding approved by tomorrow.”
“Thanks my friend”
“Oh no, dear Reginold! Soon we’ll have a diversified workforce…we’re ‘homies’ now.”
-Ope
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