Dear Creepy McCreeperson,
I see you staring at me at starbucks. To be honest, I pretend that you are invisible so that I dont lead you on. I know it may seem that by studying, and pretending to be interested in my reading, that I am somehow homoerotically fascinated with you. Sorry. Not the case. So when you eye fuck me for 38 minutes without blinking, while I am trying to read Evidence, please have the courtesy to buy me a latte first.
Sincerely,
Eyefucked and undercaffeinated
2 comments:
There should be some kind of eyeball jinx where, if you stare at a person to long, they can count to ten and make it impossible to stop staring. It could only be broken by someone else sitting in that exact location and making eye contact with you.
And if you break the jinx, the other person gets to pinch your eyeballs.
I also think there should be background music when we walk.
I also think that when people jump, a loud "boing!" should sound out. But when Asians jump, it should sound more like "ping!"
I also think that showers should be equipped with hot, cold, and Slow-mo like in LA Story.
I also think that being an asshole should make devil horns start to sprout on your head. Really bad people should also sprout a forked tail. Good people would eventually glow an iradescent blue-white.
I also think that it should be possible to jump twenty feet in the air and do impossible flips, provided your hair is big and spikey enough.
I also think that all Austrailians should have an innate ability to throw a boomarang. Ditto for Chinese to do karate, French to fence, Scots to throw amazingly accurate rocks, and all Hindu Indians should be able to strike things from far distances by stretching like Dhalsim in Street Fighter II.
And while I'm wishing...I'd like to see a bunch of fat people forced to ride skateboards down a very steep hill with a promise of a pool filled with Jello for the winner.
Yeah, thats the ticket.
I agree with the last guy.
~Snowy
Post a Comment