A good F U is in Order

I am intoxicated. Better yet I am an ass. Not only did I call my girlfriend way after she went to bed, but now I am packing drunk. We all know how that turns out. ONe sock missing, no underwear, and your stamp collection in the suitcase.

I also wanted a big Fuck you to whoever discovered Spicoli and informed him about it. You jealous pricks are TTT.

I have nothing else relevant to say except that in less than 24 hours I will be cuddling with my woman, and that my friends, means more to me than anything.

Im off the great pig fucking capital of the country. See y'all in a few days.

Look at that S Car Go

Lunched with an equity partner and the three other summer clerks. I had the macaroni and cheese with sausage. The $16 dollar macaroni and cheese. I polished it off with a slice of cheesecake and a coffee. It was splendid. Then we all smoked cigars while getting a pedicures and cucumber wraps. Ok, i admit. Everything after "splendid" is a lie, but the macaroni and cheese was the shiznit. It was also just under a shade of 2,000 calories itself. Im pretty sure the cheesecake aint fat free either. Look at me ramble. This is turning into a hygiene blog isnt it. Sorry.

I checked the response to the MSJ today in the Harvard v. Cooley case and im fairly confident that we have at least a chance to win. Actually, im positive we have a chance to win. It will still be some time before we know the results, so best not to call me and ask me to talk about it at 3am. Lunch tomorrow with another patna'. Ooh lala.

And for my non legal readers: MSJ stands for Mooching Some Jellybeans. Wow. That was really lame.

Thats what we like to call a doozy

This is funny. It seems that the largest firm in the city I live in (100 atty's), wanted to become "diversified", so they implemented their own version of affirmative action. They decided to hire an African-American as a summer clerk. They scoured the country and found one gentleman who they thought was a perfect fit. His cover letter told of the adversity this person faced and how he has truly overcome some obstacles to get to where he is at in law school. While the person went to an obscure law school on the opposite side of the country, the firm requested the students transcripts. The student assured the firm that the transcripts had been requested and were on the way. The firm, happy they found someone to fit their racial profiling, made the student an offer.

As the student prepared to start his summer clerkship, he called the firms HR Coordinator and told them that he needed more money. Aside from the $1800 a week he was initially getting he needed a cost of living increase and moving expenses paid. The firm hesitated but conceded, thinking about the marketing opportunities of having a "diverse" summer staff.

The student started the clerkship and it was readily apparent that he couldnt write worth a damn. The firm, still not having recieved the students transripts was alarmed. They inquired with the students school only to be informed that the student was actually NOT a law student, but a con artist who scammed a large firm in a neighboring market the year before.

The firm, not wanting to tarnish their "prestigious" image, bit their tongue. The student meanwhile has just made a ton of cash and will probably not face any criminal charges. It is more prudent for the firm to just shut up and learn from this. I just verified the story through some colleagues and this is all legit. So the next time you think your summer is a former white house intern, I would call Curious George and verify the hell out of it.

Au Revoir student debt consolidation!

• Land of the dead wasnt a sequel like it was supposed to be. Nevertheless good for some flesh eating fun.
• Actually got some good projects that might take up some time this week.
• Received a financial aid award from a school im not even admitted to.
• 4 days until I see my baby.
• Im not surfing in Florida no matter how much you pay me.
• For my midwest readers, paying off loans just went from "next to impossible" to "you have a better shot sleeping with your sister again".
• For my westcoast readers, paying off loans with the new rates just went from "you mean I will be 50 years old before I pay off my first house" to "forget the hotties, im marrying for money".
• For my east coast readers, fuggeddabout it. You dont read this anyway.

The cover is pretty close to the book

Im sick of being sick of being misunderstood. People dont listen to your words. They listen to your actions. And sometimes they even ingore those. Sometimes solitude is bliss.

Balooga and Caviar taste like crap

Need a feel good song for those moving along life's fast pace?

Weezer- "Beverly Hills"

Kenny Rodger's younger brother

Everyone went drinking at 5. I wanted to go for a little while to hang with a few associates that I havent spent a lot of time with this summer, so i went. I am absolutely sick of drinking, as everyone does this a little too much for my taste. So when the waitress came buy, I ordered a Roy Rodgers. Its kinda funny that in the last ten years I have not had a kids drink until I finally clerk at a big firm. The frat boy in me was upset that I didnt go hog wild at the bar.

Billable hours

Read this about billable hours and tell me what you think. I pretty much agree that you bill 2/3 of the hours you work. My firm requires 2000 hours a year. Not anything like NYC, LA, or CHI, but still long hours nevertheless.

This profession is not for the weak.

Ree-hee-heely

Today was a redeeming day. I have been a little stressed out about the response to the MSJ lately. Today, I turned it in reluctantly 1/2 a day late. All day I stewed about how it would sit with him.

Mid afternoon I went to see an oral argument at the Federal Courthouse down the street. It was the same old thing until the judge started clipping his fingernails while the parties were giving their arguments. I was in awe. One attorney even lost his train of thought. That wasnt even the worst part. Then the judge starting dozing off. His head would bounce until the rigidity of his neck woke him back up. Glad it wasnt my argument that inspired the siesta.

Later in the day the attorney called me in to his office to "discuss" my memo. I was crappin some serious bricks at this point. As I sat down in his office, he looked at me and said that I did a really good job. He said my writing was "praiseworthy". I was so happy im not sure I even heard the rest of the feedback. To make a long story longer, he assigned me more work. Repeat business is always a good thing.

Capped the day off with drinks in celebration of two new attorneys at the firm. Two named partners showed up which is a rare thing, so I schmoozed my ass off.

The real joy of my day: Finding out that the attorney who had called my writing "praiseworthy" two hours previous, is a former nominee of the pulitzer prize for his writing before lawschool.

For my non legal readers: MSJ stands for Monogamous Single Jackrabbits.

You cant handle the truth

I suppose you deserve the truth. Amazingly, some people actually read this blog for law related stuff.

I seem to be running into a wall at work. My personal happiness. I know im supposed to shut up and be thankful that I have a paid clerkship. I still am thankful. Part of me asks what the f im doing. Dont get me wrong. I love writing. I feel bad that most of you get the little crap I have left at the end of a long day typing. I love crafting an argument. I love the adversarial process. I love how every case is different.

What I dont love: Billable hours. I spend on average 11 hours a day to bill about 9. While this seems inefficient, it actually is really good. The reason why I do so well at this? Overloading. My plate is too full. I have simply gotten to that point where I look at that damn MSJ and all I want to do is throw my computer out the window.

I happen to be 80% done with it and I have about 1 hour to finish and spell check it before its 12 hours overdue. Im so frustrated with things. I find it humorous that I spend time getting to know people who say "I will" when I tell them to have a good night. I find it amazing that I am so naive to think that this wont have a toll on my life.

I found myself getting really worked up about this today. My heartrate was up there. I am finally eating my words about making Biglaw fun. Two solid months and im burnt to a crisp. Sure, im gonna be in a better mood tomorrow. But so is the partner who just decided that ignoring me was getting boring and now he has an assignment for me. And by the way, it was due yesterday.

Just another friday night without my baby

The new batman is awesome. Great plot. Costume are great too.

Where is my girlie?

Harvard v. Cooley Round 1

This should be interesting. Putting together a response to an MSJ for almost a week now. Just found out that the attorney who wrote the opposing council's memo is a Harvard Law School grad, Summa Cum Laude. This will be interesting to see how my reply fares in court. Stay tuned. For those who put stock in the rankings, this is an accurate test. The opposing attorney has been practicing for a while and works for a major firm in a large market. I however am a 2L from a T4 determined to do well. I should note however, that the attorney I am submitting this to is going to fill in the patchwork where I left stuff out. The arguments essentially will be mine though. Trust that I will give an accurate reporting of how things turn out.

And for my non-legal readers: MSJ stands for Midget Sumo Jujitsu.

Rumor du jour

I leave for two months and the rumor mill starts up. Apparently I have dropped out of law school and am no longer dating my hottie. News to me. Neither are true but who the hell bothers to check up on these things before they believe them. Maybe I will run into these peons in the courtroom.

Almost finished with my response to the MSJ. For you non legal readers that stands for Minnesota Students Jamboree. And who doesnt like a good jamboree?

In the news: Michael Jackson says no more sleepovers with little boys. Wow. Was this your idea Michael? I cant believe that you are smart enough to be the king of pop, but too stupid to realize that sleepovers with the rugrats might be a bad idea.

Beat this

I dont care what anyone says. He still is a freak, and he still likes little boys. This isnt the first time someone guilty got off. The first was when this whole suit started.

That Hansel is so hot right now.

Its funny how one day you are the bomb, and the next you are yesterday's blog. I think its time to put this blog down...

That dont impress me much

Today was tough. I am writing a response to the Plaintiff's MSJ in a trademark infringement case. Tough stuff. Wrote for 8 hours straight.

I found out that the firm pays $20k a month to Westlaw. What the F? Why didnt I think of organizing all that crap online and calling it alexlaw and charging a gazillion smackeroonies for it? Somebody is getting bling'ed from this company. Which brings me to my next point. Why is all their free stuff crap if they make so much? Do they really think I will be impressed with a highlighter and coffee mug now that I know how much they make?

No I wont. Throw in some eraseable pens and were talking.

And the award goes to...

Tell me that my favorite show is meaningless. I will have you know that Boalt hall at UC Berkely now has an award called "the sandy" based on Peter Gallagher's character on the The OC. The award is meant to help future public defenders get started in their careers, since as we know PD's are not paid the same as other types of lawyers.

Now they just need to have "The Seth" which would award people for their creative sarcasm, and unbridled wit. I might actually have a shot at that.

For more details, check out this.

Woe is me

Im over it.

The grass is not greener

Im sitting around bored, surprised that i cant find anything fun to do. It amazes me how much my mind wanders when i have nothing to do.

No MSG here..

A lateral associate, who's is very close to partner has me working on a big federal suit involving trademark infringement. 430pm today was our deadline to file our MSJ. Coincidentally, the partner i've been working on the land use digest article comes to me and says that the digest article (which i finished two weeks ago but he failed to edit) is due at 4pm.

Keep in mind that I need to be political here. Do I appease the partner who more likely in control of my impending career with the firm, or do I help the associate file his msj wholly knowing he isnt helping my career too much?

I did the right thing. I helped the partner until the last possible second until I had to leave to file the MSJ. As I was leaving, I told the partner what needed to be done on the digest article, and he wanted to know where I was going. I told him we had a really expensive federal case which needed to be filed and it shut him up real quick. Nothing talks louder to a stodgy partner than cashola.

Needless to say, he finished the article, I filed my first federal MSJ ever and I got home in time to watch Doogie Houser reruns. The ironic thing is that Doogie used to write on a journal on his computer about 10 years before any blog came out. Thats irony.

For my non-legal readers: MSJ means Mayonaise Sanwich Jurisprudence. Its a type of legal argument used in suits against food companies.

Shake the magic 8ball

I spent the day working with an associate who just joined the firm a year ago after doing a 3 year stint with a federal judge. She is a sharp attorney and has really given me some great advice. The advice today kinda bummed me out though. "Prepare to work 6 or 7 days a week your first few years practicing". Thank God I only have two more years of school and a bar exam before I start all this. No wonder why lawyers say law school was the easy part.

The red pen flows freely.

I spent the day revising the digest article over and over and the partner is still not happy. He had the audacity to ask me if I was getting paid for writing the article. I countered tell him that I expected to be nominated for a pulitzer prize for the damn article. Sometimes there is no making everyone happy.

Serial Killer

And I killed another ream today printing USCA 1125. Fun reading. This statute is to Trademark law, what Paris Hilton is to Carls Jr.

Way to ruin the perfect season, Mr. RuinstheperfectSeasonh!

I have a confession. When my research projects come down to the wire i call 1-800-Westlaw. There. I said it. And to be honest, it makes me feel good cuz they dont find anything I havent. This seems to be a crutch to my research skills development, but all the other clerks do it. Plus, who wants to miss a deadline when you cant find something?

Fine, Maybe you can handle the truth.

I rode the train home with an associate that was very influential before I left for law school. I was lucky enough to catch a few trials of his before I left the firm last summer, and after seeing him, I knew I wanted to be a litigator.

On the train ride home he confessed to me that he hates his career. If he could go back and do it again, he wouldnt.

I am usually pretty unbreakable with my opinions, but his outright contempt for the profession struck me pretty hard. I didnt especially like the hours of studying that I did my first year, and I really didnt like most of my fellow classmates. Now that I am the real world and working 12 hours a day, Im not too sure whether I like the work either.

One thing I do know however, is that to be upper middle class in this country you need a good job. I have given up on finding one that I will "love" because no one will pay a short, white guy $100k a year to play basketball and blog. So either way, you will work your ass off one way or another if you plan on living large. I happen to be good at the qualities that make lawyers successful, so for now this is my thing.

I have been feeling this for a while, but didnt know how to say it without incurring a huge backlash.

Play that funky music white boy

Become a lawyer so you can impress without having to resort to your dancing moves...

http://www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html

Triple Billing

Apparently, triple billing is the way to go. In order to do this, you need to be driving on the way to court, waiting on hold to talk to a different client, and while waiting on hold, dictating a memo to your secretary. I hear there is a way to bill 4 clients at once but the only thing that springs to mind is not suitable for your eyes. Anyone else know a way?

Heere kitty

Another addicting game that further proves that reading my blog will make you impotent.

http://www.burstfilms.com/games/kitten.php

Timber!

It was a sad day. I had to print a statute that was 423 pages. I felt like a dirtbag printing it, but it was necessary for a case. What a waste.

I did not Shoplift the pootie!

The best part about devoting your hard work to a digest article is the fun experience you will get reading it after the partner goes through it with a red pen. I spent many hours making this article the one that would change everyone's life. I saw the beginning scene of Jerry McGuire in my head, where he writes the memo and he thinks it will make people cream. That is how my digest article went, minus the whole getting fired and dating a single mom thing that Jerry had going on. So the partner handed me back the article today with only a few marks. He says its too long. Yeah. You try shortening a 50 page case from 5 pages into less. Its 4 now. This better be good enough or im taking Flipper with me.

One more concern. They tell us that Westlaw is billed to the firm regardless of how long we spend on the damn program. Good thing cuz the rep says that we get charged per search, which makes my grand total for the research ive done so far, $500,000.