Black by popular demand

Well hello my friends. Its been a while since we talked. In fact, the last time we talked I was not halfway done with law school. But I am now. And you know how it feels? Great. Better yet, Fucking great. Now its time to get to the stuff that really matters. Dont expect much posting in the next few weeks. Tootles.

It all makes sense now

While I usually resort to blaming my bad moods on a combination of law school, lack of fiber, GWB, or Radar's Condo in the pearl, I have recently discovered the omnipotent excuse.

As I was opening today's mail, I received my donor card from the Red Cross for donating blood a couple of months ago. Taking a close look at my card, I noticed that my blood type written on there was O negative. O negative? WTF. I DONT HAVE HAPPY BLOOD. HOORRAY!

My entire life I was told my blood was B positive. B positive is that sweater wearing know it all who raises his hand and then tells the class he has a question before asking the damn question. B positive is that "Sounds like someone has a case of the monday's" Chick from Office Space.

After running up and down the street screaming "My blood is cranky" for a half hour, I thought about calling GWB to tell him the great news. Then I realized that he was probably already listening, and that there was no need to waste the phone call.

So the next time you ask if im hungry "or something", I will officially be authorized to whip out my blood card and smack you for asking me such stupid question. Of course im hungry, and of course im cranky, and of course Radar's condo smells like fish.

Laffy Taffy

When relieving post-finals stress, most have the traditional get crunk method. Me, im one of those guys who secretly likes to shop. Nothing, other than some cuddle time with Abogada relaxes me more than being balls deep in a new pair of Sevens. Perhaps a new pair of basketball shoes. So after my last final on Thursday, look for me at the mall, dropping so many Hamiltons they call me Aaron Burr.

And before you throw stones, just know, there are more like me.

The cat lady

Its been a long week, so I rented a movie. Though this wasnt any movie, it was "The Island". Now what better way to unwind than to watch a movie alluding the ethics of cloning. I think cloning should be allowed but only so that our clones can be sent it for law exams. Wait. I didnt really think that out but I dont want to delete it. Just pretend that our clones could be made after we attended each semester and then they could go into finals with all of our knowledge, while the real "us'" could go to the bar and get crunk. Maybe perhaps a little pregame with abogada and her clone...

My humps

Im going to bed early on a friday night because I still have two finals left. Everyone else except for CW is done. I wont be done for another week. Happy relaxing to all. Congrats on another term done. Pretty soon, we can buy ourselves a ticket outta the ghetto.

How you know when its time to leave the library for the day.

When someone with a mohawk walks in.

The rabbit chases the carrot

From a psychology perspective, it is readily apparrent why law school turns people into the cliche lawyers. Throughout the semester, there is this lull of reading, and passiveness that creates a backdrop for the intense frenzy that final exams create. As the semester winds down, students are abruptly awakened by the impending crush of finals. 15+ weeks crushed into 3 hours. 3 hours on material that may (or may not) be what the teacher said would be there. 300+ other peers all fighting for that coveted top quartile even though your school contends they are "not competitive". 50 page outlines, better yet 100 page outlines distilled into 3 page attack outlines. Caffeine flows freely from any barista within 50 miles of the law school. Palms sweat as each student strives for the one thing that will validate all their work; An A. When that A doesnt come for some, what else validates your existence? Your peers either laud your mediocre standing or your are despised by your peers for being unworthy of their intellectual prowess. Interviewers reject your resume, never minding your otherwise stellar credentials. You are not one of them they muse. You are somehow different, as if having a life suddenly did become a crime.

And yet they wonder why you are the way you are. You chose to go to law school they say. At least you will earn gobs of money they say. Mental Midgets, its no price for this hell.

Happy studying all.

Funny Quote

Seen on the dry erase board by the cafeteria:

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in school".

Civ Pro

Had a computer scare partly through the exam. My wordprocessing program froze and shut down. Luckily the autosave program caught what I had written. Ran outta time on the last question after taking too long on the rest of the questions. Took the rest of the day off.

Updizzles for my nizzles

With finals starting tomorrow I am all tapped out. Exhausted, I am going to bed early so I can get a full 9 hours sleep. Wish me luck. I dont really have anything creative or funny to say, except that you are lucky I dont charge you to read this blog. Is that arrogant? No. Arrogance would be if I accepted cash only.


Good luck on finals to all.

Wilted

Once you've stopped and smelled the roses, you will realize that reality is no more than a hollow shell of your perception. Without this perception, you are unaware that you are unhappy.

Study Block

I cant seem to get myself to study today. Motivation wont make me. Fear rears its ugly head but I quickly dismiss it. 5 days till exams and who am I to just chill. Rather, crunch time took on a new meaning today. I went to the gym, lifted, ran a mile, did some crunches, and then played basketball for a couple hours. If I can move tomorrow, I am def going to the lib.

I'll cry if i want to

The balls are officially silver today. Abogada sent me a cake made with prune juice and topped with Ensure frosting. Thanks to my loved ones for making this a good one, and ive only been up for 2 hours.

Reset

After an almost complete day off, resulting in a good workout and much deserved Tv time, I am back in the library for arguably the toughest week of law school- The week before finals. This is the time of reckoning, the time where the previous 3 months culminate into a morbid attempt to load massive amounts of information into your head, all the while protecting the information already in there from flying out. Im ready for this. Good luck to all my loved ones who are hitting the books this week also. It shall pay off soon.

Survey Says

What does a fish-smelling, studio condo in a rich neighborhood say about a person?

• 2 people said that the owner probably makes love to large fish or even whales without his friends knowing.
• 3 people concurred with above opinion but added that the owner probably pours fish oil all over himself while watching Richard Simmons videos.
• 5 people laughed too hard to answer the question.
• 1 republican looked shocked that i knew his boyfriend.
• 22 PETA members beat me with my clipboard and demanded said owner's address "to free their aquatic friends".
• 1 person, beat all the PETA members wearing Kanye West's fur coat from his Gold Digger video, while singing blame it on the rain.
• 33 people overwhelmingly said the owner is probably just compensating for a lack of something.

Update: Michael Jackson just emailed me back and weighed in on the survey. Im quoting folks. "And you think im fucked up?.."

Nerdy Jokes du jour

Is an attack outline's propensity to attack admissible to show that it cut my finger under the Federal Rules of Evidence?


What is stuffy, looks like a martha stewart living room, and smells like fish?


For these answers and condescending hygiene tips, meet me on the ninth green at 9pm.

Today