Weekly update

My immune system decided to crap out again, so I am sick. I got a little rest this weekend but not much. Its almost time to start studying for finals. Need to get my body better.

Saw Hitch. Amusing movie, probably one of Will Smiths' only good roles. The guy from King of Queens is funny in it too.

Back to the books.

All it takes is a couple girls making out.

Its friday. Not just any old friday, but this friday is special. Its the end of my 9th week of my 2nd term of law school. That means 6 more weeks and im not a 1L any longer. This will be a huge rite of passage. I will now be able to sit in the 2L hottub on the roof of the library. I hear that we now get our own chairs at the library, instead of having to share them with a fellow 1L.

In our 2L we will have way less homework and waaaaay easier classes such as Evidence, Secured Transactions, and even Biz Orgs. I cant wait. I heard that we dont even have to come to class. I havent seen a 2L on campus since the day Westlaw handed out Ipods. That sure was a sweet day.

Dont even get me started on the 3Ls. I heard the Bar hands out keys to a new BMW if you pass their test. I really dont understand how hard a test can be when it is comprised solely of pictures?

Oh, I almost forgot. On the OC last night, Marissa's girlfriend was wearing a shirt that said Mischief. Her pigtails covered part of it, exposing "Misch", which I think is a pun at Mischca Barton's character Marissa. Just a thought. Did any of you hear me cheering when they made out? Its natural. The cheering too.

We dont knaw on our kitty mini me.

Creepy little guy: stop staring at me. Yes, I can see you. No I do not want to talk with you. Yes, you are in my classes, but that doesnt mean we are friends. So please, stop walking by over and over again in hopes I will talk to you. I am having a bad day. My friends are mad at me, my woman is mad at me, and reading Venue cases sucks. Go do what you do best and ask stupid questions.

Dark

Its pretty sad how messed up law school can make some one feel.

We dont need no skinkin accreditation!

I have cooled off a bit since my last post. I am now going to focus on bugging the crap out of the Associate Dean until she lets me in. I also want to discuss why my acceptance letter was dated November 2005. Unless she plans on rejecting me when I apply for an LLM, which right about now sounds worse than a lobotomy. Props to anyone who wishes to study more than they already do now.

Does anyone have some extra jack so I can make a donation to the school on my behalf. Not only will I be the next transfer student, but also the person the library is named after. While we are at it, lets name the school after me.(Queue the harp music. Enter my dream) Picture Alexslander the Gr8's school of Law and literal BS. Unfortunately, it will now be an all girls school. Except me.

The cafeteria will only serve skittles and Hooters wings (what i am told is the perfect sorority diet).

The admissions department will consist of me, entirely. I will review applications on a purely subjective basis. Things like mock trial club or saving ponies will only get you bonus points. I put no stock into the LSAT and consider anything above a 125 brilliant. My team of admissions carnies will promptly issue scholarships to anyone with a 130+.

The school mascot will be a unicorn wearing a black judges robe.
There will also be lockers so that I can relieve junior high and stuff bullies into lockers.
Yah, i could see it happening. Please donate some cashola please. Put your credit card number in the comments. Thank you.

Two fingers from the left

Dear %#@#$#,

Thank you for rejecting me faster than anyone else has ever rejected me in my life. Even that model I hit on at the Hollywood club at least let me buy her a drink before introducing me to her BF. Not you though. Nice letter last friday saying that my file was complete and that the Dean would be looking at my application the following week. It isnt even Wednesday and the rejection letter was sitting in my mailbox cold. Considering yesterday was President's day and the post office was closed, that letter had to have been mailed saturday; a day after the other letter.

Regretfully, I have no choice but to kiss your asses not only because I still want to go to school at your fine establishement, but also for your prompt attention to my file. Did you bird enjoy going to town on it? Seeing as how I live in the same town as your school, I vow to do the same if you dont let me in. Just kidding. That was sarcasm you stodgy corpses.

So now I am begging you to let me in. I have skills. I figured out your scam didnt I? I am a proverbial fucking perry mason. Is there a way I can sleep to the top? Enough begging.

In conclusion, i wanted to thank you for the most emabarrasing letter I have ever received. Not only am i completely patronized, but also in sheer awe of your lack of tact. if in fact i do follow my destiny and become the best lawyer in the world, please ask me to speak at your school. After I accept the invitation, I will wear a break away suit. My opening line will poignantly state my disgust for your institution, and i will show the entire audience my nuts. Then i will laugh. Then I will cash the check you wrote me to appear.

Finally concluding, Fuck You. And by Fuck you, i mean thank you for the letter. I will be kissing your ass for the next 5 months trying to gain admission.

Sincerely,
Bent over in the Midwest.

Ding

First reject. My top school. Im actually not even sure they received my letter of rec yet. F them. Its not over yet. I think i might go swimfan on them if they dont let me in. Maybe I will just register for classes anyway. Maybe I will show up and request an appointment with the Dean. And by appointment, I mean boxing match. F this. F studying. F the library and all the F'ers that party every weekend and still do better.

I think i need to cool off.

Spring Fresh

Would you accept an A for each week you agree to not shower?

Diet Coke

Why add water to coffee grounds when you can just snort the stuff?

Would you...

listen to Ashlee Simpson for a week straight, 24 hours a day, 130 decibels loud, in exchange for straight A's?

the answer is still NO!

Cuurack that Whip

Law school is one big leather clad dominatrix waiting to spank your little behind with her whip.

The case of the missing boogers...

Introducing the new Gunner/booger eater. New and improved, she talks for hours a day in class attracting attention to herself, annoying students globally. Her expertise however, is her prestadigitation. With a small flick of the fingers she can make a booger appear to fly in her mouth. I feel like bringing a salt shaker, or some A1 to class in case she wants to spice it up a bit.

Week 8 is 2/5 over. Im thinking about licensing a brand of clothing from Judge Cardozo. First up, What Would Cardozo Do? Bracelets. Genius. $25 bucks a pop. Hows that for foreseeable?

Lets Get Ready To Rumble

Its that time of the term where i crank er up a notch or two. Time to read a few less blogs per day. Time to put the priorities in order. Classes are tough. The weather here makes things even more bleak. There is hope however. 3 weeks and I will know if I got into my dream school. I hold on to that thought. It keeps me going, striving for a stellar gpa this term. While i started off the term slow, this is my style. Slowly I get into the library earlier. Energy drinks course through my veins keeping me glued to the books. By the time finals come, I will be a zombie. Cranky from lack of sleep and no outside stimulation I will enter finals mode. Beware. I came here to do two things: Drink AMP and kick some ass.

Looks like we are almost out of AMP.

Just Peachy

My letters of reccomendation were sent yesterday. Overall, im impressed with the letters. They are genuine and articulate my exact reasons for wanting to transfer. I think I pissed of my prof by bugging him to send the letters, but hey, this is my life; my transfer opportunity.

I want to send him something to thank him, but I probably should let him cool off first. Things are back to normal here. Not enough time to study, sleep, or anything else for that matter. Some would say perpetual hell, I say a wild rollercoaster of a year. Now that I have a few female profs this term, maybe I could just spend some quality time on the casting couch to improve my gpa. With how souless ive become this year, a few hours on the couch would certainly not compromise any of the high standards we strive to uphold here. More on the casting couch idea later. I need to run to the store to buy some Aqua Velva. I hear prof contracts loves the scent on young men.

Oh crap

what did i get myself into? teaching myself to write. anyone who wants to laugh at me personally, has my complete permission. i have a sample memo, a twen page, and ALWD manual (did i even cite it correctly here?) and a very supportive friend who is helping me learn this. Thanks C.

Im never going to eat Top Ramen again

I was browsing the Biglaw registry for my hometown. Mid size city so the salaries are comparably lower than your typical big city. My mind was still blown. I have to admit that ive done a complete 360 since first starting law school. I came to school wanting to be a prosecutor who put criminal dirtbags in jail. Now, I want a Biglaw career. I would by lying if I said that money wasnt one of the influential factors, but it isnt entire for the bling. My dreams include starting some kind of foundation where gobs of that biglaw money can go to people in need. Im not being cheesy here. After taking Crim law, I really feel that my energy will best be used somewhere that I wont die everytime I lose a case. To me, criminal law is too personal. I want to affect this world differently. And, I think I want to affect it while driving a BMW. There. I said it.

No Time For Love Dr. Jones

Classes are a bitch this term. They are boring and hard. It wouldnt be so bad, but im trying to teach myself how to write for my clerkship this summer. So far, (3hrs into it) I feel like im trying to use the atm machine but its only speaking spanish to me. Im hoping this will improve.

I need about an extra 15 hours a week to devote just to the writing. Then I could use about 10 more hours to study for my classes. Then another 15 hours to spend with my friends, Scott, Chris, Aubrey, Swimfan, etc. Then I need more sleep. Then I need more time for basketball and the gym. Then I would like some more time to call back all my friends back home who I forget to call back because I run out of time. Then I would like a cherry slurpee and a roofie, just to make sure I dont remember all the stuff I dont have time for.

As much as it seems like im bitching, I really love this. As sadistic as law school is, I can really see how my personality will compliment my legal career. And if that fails, I am going to be a valet. One way or another, I will drive that 7 series ive had my eye on.

Is that a pack of Mentos in your pocket?

I showed up at Prof Letter or Rec's office today to ambush him and see where my letter is. My first choice school said that my file is complete and going to the Assistant Dean for review this week. Prof said letter would be sent Thursday. That is a big load off my shoulders. Now I need to find a sugar momma to send the school 50k.

Stopped by Legal Research and Writing Dept to see my advisor. She hooked me up with a 300 page book called, "How to teach yourself legal research and writing in 30 days so you can kick ass in your clerkship!". Looks like a tough read. Either way, the $400 I paid for it is guranteed.

For now, life is good. Chocolate covered strawberries from your favorite hottie always make life good.

My identity

A few more people at this school found me. I wish I had been a little more secretive of my blogging habits at the library. Well, if you must know, my name is Lupe. I enjoy Chia Pets and stamp collecting. Now that you all know please dont tell.

Im at the library. Is that surprising?

We lost by 8 points to the best team in the league yesterday. It was a hard fought battle and I was impressed we did that well considering two of our 6 guys fouled out, leaving us with four players for the last 3 minutes.

My Beavers are whooping up on UW right now. Lets see if they can pull it out. That would be a nice upset.

Im am thoroughly sick of school right now. The classes this term are hard, and boring, and the weather here sucks.

My Letter of Rec is nowhere to be found and I dont have a backup option.

Middle of the term blues are in full effect.

Lint in my pocket

Barbie reminded me of something I have been thinking about for a while. Anonymity. I have been outed by a few fellow students that I didnt give the address too, and I have a lot of friends here and back home that read it. Not quite sure what im going to do, but there is a huge risk if the firm were to find out. The biggest thing I need to change is to not blog at work when I get back there. Or maybe I just wont rant about the firm on the blog, which totally defeats the purpose of the blog.

Its sunny and 40 degrees here. Nice. I was just given a batch of chocolate chip cookies straight from my friend's mom in Texa$$. Cookies are the way to my heart.

This will be my first valentines day in law school. This could make for some interesting valentines day cards. Is it possible to use "enjoined" in a romantic context?

Basketball against the "Powerhouse Gym". The only law school team that is sponsored. They get their roids delivered directly to their front door. Ah, what service.

Alexslander the Gr8 1, Slumlord 0

I just got back from the most royal ass kissing event ever. Slumlord and owner of the complex was surprised at the water damage in my apt. I told him I wanted out of my lease and he balked. I then showed him how I saved his ass by covering up the leaks and reminded him that it was WELL within my right to move out. He told me he would talk to the other owner and get back to me. 5 min later he called telling me I could move out whenever I wanted. 15 minutes later he called again and asked me not to sue them. Unfortunately, Johnny Cochrane is out of town for another month so the law suit will wait. For now, I need to find a new place to hang my hat; For two months.

The OC

The lesbian bubble exploded last night with a kiss on the beach. Probably the best hour of television since the time Geraldo was hit in the nose with a chair.

Sandy is a class A dirtbag for cheating on his wife. Unless he was using the famous lawyer trick where he only made it look like he was kissing Rebecca. Im a big fan of that move. Contracts II teacher tought me that one.

I love this show to death but it will take some amazing writing to keep this show alive another couple years. They are losing ground fast. I mean this season is great but after a lesbian kiss, an affair from the most stable couple, what is left? Personally, im shooting for a Jessica Simpson guest role, where she plays Seths new love interest. Thats right, the curly haired nerd gets the hot girl.

Mock Trial Sucks

I have a 30 page packet to read in the next few hours for tonights mock trial thingy. Fun. Like I dont have 40 pages of property to read.

Congrats to Randell for getting into graduate school. We all knew you could do it man.

Intramural team is 1-1, going into the hardest game of the season. Where's MJ when you need him.

Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson are gross. Where are all the good jokes for this? I got nothing.

Big news: Landlord and owner of the complex are KISSING MY ASS. Guess they known when their up the creek with no paddle. Working on a settlement to get half my rent off for the next two months.

Its snowing, kinda.

Update (like you really care)

Its funny to see the looks of sheer confusion on my classmates faces in Civ Pro. Its probably the only class I "get". Send me $10 and I will explain it to you. Chucky Cheese tokens accepted also.

Slumlords havent responded to my complaint. What a surprise. Either way, I researched the law well enough where I think I might have an airtight argument on this one. I suppose that you could counter by saying that no legal argument is airtight. I could counter by flipping you off and telling you to GFY.

Fellow class Gunner made up the "Law of Avoidance". Sounded great until Prof Contracts said there was no such thing. Try again. Making stuff up about the law only works at bars when you are picking up college chicks. Not that I would know.

If everybody truly got sick of living in the midwest like I feel sometimes, and then moved to each coast, would they then move back because it was too crowded on the coasts? I doubt it. That is why there is so much inbreeding in Cali.

The OC tonight. Lesbionic powers will triumph. Men will cheer. Women, take notes.

Has Anyone Seen This Man?

All my applications are in to my transfer schools. The only problem, my letter of recommendations are MIA. My teacher who promised me they would be sent is nowhere to be found. He hasnt returned my emails from a week ago. He didnt answer his front door this morning either. Just kidding about that part. Seriously though, I need to go SwimFan on his ass. These letters are serious business. There are two things in life you dont mess with. My bank account, and my letters of rec.

Things You Wouldnt Expect to Write About In Law School

The wheels are in motion to get out of my lease. I sent a letter to my landlord via certified mail return receipt with a solid legal argument. I definitely have the cards in my favor for now.

For my sensitive readers ignore the following:

To the girlie in the front row:
You are not invisible. We see you. We hear the stupid things you say each and every class. What part of the midwest did you grow up in where it is acceptable to eat your own boogers. Its one thing to pick your nose in class, but decadently another to make them your breakfast. At one point I didnt know whether to vomit or ask you pass the salt. Either way, thank you, Booger Eating Gunner. I am so grossed out that I no longer need to spend the $5 on lunch.

Blah Blah Blah

How lame were those commercials yesterday? Will most of these companies revenues being up from last year, you would have thought that there would have been a few more good ones.

It looks like I am going to get some assistance with learning to write legally in two months. I think this help is going to be like 7 minute abs. So if this doesnt work, then they can send me the extra minute for free.

Its raining here.

Oh, and im sick AGAIN.

Should law schools really sell flasks and shot glasses like mine does. Considering that we are a private school that only teaches law, what does that say about our character?

What is so super about it anyway?

Its superbowl sunday and like every American man, I am excited. Excited in that "I cant wait to get even more behind in my classes than I already was" kind of way. Damn classes. Im behind and its pissing me off. Not to mention the laugh each professor gives me when I tell them I need to learn how to write legally in two months or less. Im thinking of taking that line on the comedy circuit based on the reactions ive gotten so far. Needless to say, I will get it done.

I decided to give my landlord a run for his money. I am crafting a letter asking to be let out of my lease with no penalty. Support for my argument is the failure of them to provide me a habitable apartment as described in the lease. Not sure if this will work but its worth a shot.

Finally won an intramural basketball game.

Sinny Sin Sin

Considering that the law is held to be sacred, almost at biblical proportions, is it blasphemous to turn every picture in my property book into a pirate scene? Cardozo never looked better than when I gave him his hook and parrot.

Transfer Deez

I just spend a whole lotta money to get this transfer train in motion.

• 3 applications @$50 each
• 3 Letters of good standing with transcripts and class rank, overnighted to each of the three schools: @ $70
• Postage with tracking: $18
• Envelopes (free, thanks Sweetheart)

Hopefully getting out the inbred midwest: Priceless.

4 weeks of agony...

Whats my Inspiration?

I havent really felt like blogging lately. Not too sure im going to continue it much longer.

Basketball game #2 this weekend.

This term is hell.

To make matters worse, I need to learn how to do some top notch legal research and writing before my clerkship starts. My lovely school loves to give that class to you first term of your 2L. They claim it is not to inhibit transferring. Bullshit.

Forecast

Ground hogs day forecast:

11 more weeks of hell that is otherwise known as 1L.

I've often analogized law school to the movie Groundhog's Day. Only, at my law school, there is no Bill Murray, no 11 course lunch, and no babes like Andie McDowell.

I wonder who's more annoying though? The class gunners, or Ned Ryerson.

Head in the Clouds

I just got a call from the hiring partner at the firm. Yours truly landed himself a clerkship for next summer. I cant even begin to describe how it feels. I guess im just in shock that for once, I can see how busting my butt will pay off.

I think studying for the night might be ruined.