update

since life apparrently stops for some of you when this blog is silent, here you go. Guess what im doing now?

you cant have the milk if you dont buy the cow

Why is it ok for women to treat men as sex objects but not the other way around? I for one do not like being treated like a piece of meat, unless it is one of those cows that is fed nothing but beer and massaged all day to preserve tenderness.

If the glove dont fit

For those of you that are conflicted internally, full of self loathing, or just want to dress up for court, consider suing yourself. It can happen.

St. Paddy Day

I forgot to wear green today. So what? Pinch me and I will kick you where it hurts. If I had to guess, I would say my holiday spirit is at a 4.

Your day job

The next time you call someone a hooker at school, you just might end up eating those words.

Reading this will cause weight gain

The second grossest thing i've seen at this school would have to be catching someone taking the library's con law E & E into the bathroom for reading material. Thanks alot buddy. It was already a shitty class.

Running on Diesel

Is there an athlete-rapper that sucks more than Kobe Bryant? Imagine performing at a concert with Mr. Pink Diamond himself. After his solo (or as he calls it "spitting mad flava") and its time for him to pass the mike,there's no way he's passing it (unless you have a white chick from colorado in your hands). Im just saying that if i start a rap career, he's not my first choice for backup.

Side note: he's probably not the best guy to smoke weed with either.

Rant

There should be a statute against eating crunchy things in the library. Or at least a statute banning horses from the library. That would solve the noise problem and make this hippy library smell less.

Beat This!

This is the greatest sports prank of All Time.

-Hat tip to Steamer

The Plan

I have a class where there is one person in there who is, shall we say "different". Different in a way that whenever this person speaks the teacher agrees with them, whether they are correct or not. In fact, the teacher, who is quick to cut down anybody he disagrees with, has never disagreed with said person once. In fact, the prof has awarded praise to this person arbitrarily and capriciously. Simply put, this prof kisses the person's different ass. And I intend to reap all the benefits.

On my final, I am going to make some marks identifying myself as the different person. I wont be outright and use his initials, but I will make some kind of reference like , "As I stated in class (insert smart thing different person said).." Being the only different person in the entire class, prof cannot risk failing this person. In fact, if the prof gives different person a drasctically lower grade, that would bring up issues relating to being different. We wouldnt want that getting all over school would we? Prof will have no choice but to award a good grade despite what is written. After all, people love to play the different card, and this time it will be me.

Proof that the end of the world is nigh

• Yanni was arrested for domestic abuse, prompting critics to wonder whether the music made him do it.
• Three Six Mafia won an Academy award.

Need I say mor-or-or-or-or-or-ore?

What I spend class time doing

Prof Crim Pro: "A conservative is just a liberal who has been mugged."

Joe Rogan Emails

This was too funny not to post. Here is the email exchange lame Actor Joe Rogan exchanged with some dude on my space. Hilarious. I ganked this from The Superficial.

----------------- Original Message ----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 1, 2006 4:17 PM
Joe Rogan, I hate you... you're not funny...
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:07 PM
I love the fact that you need attention so bad that you had to email me that. That makes me feel happy :) Enjoy your depression. -----
------------ Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 7:59 AM
You really are an idiot... that 15 seconds now these 15 seconds now equal one-half of a minute that I spent letting you know that you are not funny... I sent you the message b/c you shamelessly plugged some gay event, 20 times, that i'm not goign to look at... How many medications are YOU on and then you tell me who is the depressed attention-whore... Enjoy balding,
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:30 AM
First off, my employees send those out, and if you don't want them, get off my list. Second off, you responding to any of those event requests, and doing it the way you did it, just shows me what a cunt of a man you are. You don't like me? That's great, because you're obviously a douche bag, and the opinions of douche bags mean nothing. I love it when losers like you don't like me. I like it even more when they express it. It makes me feel really good about my life when an insecure fat fuck like yourself takes the time out to email me, because that just shows me the way your shitty little mind works, and insures me that you're always going to be what you are now... a failure. There's always gotta be people like you around, because they make people like me stand out :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:45 AM
hahah, did i strike a nerve or something... you seem a bit testy by the way, my apologies... I should have shown Joe Rogan MUUUUCH more respect. Actor? Comedian? Shakespearian extrodinaire... People like you are the reason that everybody thinks they can make it in Hollywood and because people like you, anybody can make it into Hollywood... Look at William Hung. You did kill the Man Show Insecure? I guess we have something in common because you keep coming back at me... Your career is about over anyway, do you plan to work at the family hardware store after that? i'll be back after your next message to me... I have a bag of snacky-cakes to eat. I'm behind on my daily quoto. I'm never going to be as fat as your ego if i have to stop eating and type. ,.. Kevin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:49 AM
I only wish this conversation was in real life, so I could see the nervousness in your fat little face. I enjoy these little email conversations that I have with haters :) You emailed me and insulted me because you have a mediocre mind, and that's the extent of your capabilities. You trying to insinuate that I'm a loser is even more hysterical, because I've accomplished more in my life than you ever will if you could live a thousand of your shitty lives.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:53 AM
hahahh, Oh really? What is it that you have accomplished, Joe Rogan?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:55 AM
Google search me, you fucking failure :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:58 AM
you're avoiding the question... what have you accomplished
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 8:59 AM
That's my answer, find out yourself.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:01 AM
hahah, Joe Rogan... This is the funniest form I have ever seen you in. You're only accomplishment, in my memory, is taking a highly successful show (The Man Show) and running it into the ground merely by your presence alone. I also don't think playing second-fiddle to Brooke Shields is much of an accomplishment.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:09 AM
I was never on a show with Brooke Shields. I was however on 2 shows that made it to syndication, fear factor and newsradio, which means I never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Think about that when you're getting told what to do by your boss and struggling to pay your bills. I agree that the man show sucked, but unfortunately there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it at the time. I did however, make a fuck load of money from it, and had the time of my life. You're an ugly, fat faced zero, and I'm a famous multi millionaire. Those are the facts there, dear sweet kevin :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:27 AM
If we are arguing who has more money... YOU WIN!!! I'm sure your "Well i have more money than you" comeback comes in very resourceful on a daily basis when people constantly tell you how not-funny you are. But i'm 20 years old... where were you at age 20 junior college? About the fat thing... I didn't realize I was fat, maybe becaue i'm so insecure, I'll go purge a few pounds and tell some tabloid that Joe Rogan made me do it. . . Skinny Hollywood, actually... What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny. And dont' call me 'Dear sweet Kevin." I don't what type of 'man show' you are wanting to make, but i want no part in it.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 9:35 AM
"What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny." Did you forget how this all got started, fatty? You insulted me, and I let you know that your opinion means shit. This wasn't some unprovoked attack by a bully, it was me defending myself to a hateful little loser.To answer your question, when I was 20, I was US open tae kwon do champion, and I was teaching it at Boston University, going to U Mass and thinking about doing stand up. I WASN'T insulting celebrities and then using my age as an excuse for why I've never accomplished anything. What the fuck have you ever done, Kevin? Come on, fat boy. Please do tell.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:52 AM
obviously you didn't graduate college or else you would be able to understand what I am saying. So let me break it down for you carefully... I am a 20 year old college student... that's why I have no money. That's not my excuse YOU ARE PETHETIC BECAUSE... You continue to go back and forth with as you put it "a zero." Shoudn't you be coming up with "funny" facial expressions for candid photos? It's also not like I'm going out of my way to let you know about my "shitless" oppinions. I've never been in a movie, a sitcom, or even a shitty reality show, so to you I have accomplished nothing. But given less than a year, I know I could easily come up with a better stand-up routine than you.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:59 AM
Exactly what I thought, you have done NOTHING. I told you what I had accomplished by the time I was your age, and you have nothing but excuses and empty boasts. You could come up with a better stand up routine than me? That's hilarious. That's better than anything you could ever possibly say trying intentionally to be funny. "I'll show you! I could so do it if I wanted to!" Blah, fucking blah. You're falling apart here, Kevin, and it's taking you longer and longer to craft these responses. I've seen it happen a million times. There's nothing unique about you. You're a loser, pal. Always have been, always will be. If you're lucky you'll find some sad chick that's willing to let you shoot a live round inside of her, and then you'll have a little Kevin that you struggle to feed and raise. That's about the best you're ever going to do. And even then, you'll have to live with the fact that a guy like me could ALWAYS steal her away from you with minimal effort. I go "back and forth" with you because it's fun for me, and because I enjoy letting retarded douche bags like you know where they really stand in life.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:14 AM
I'll admit... I'm slowing down. For some reason, even after all of this, I almost feel like telling you that you're not as bad of a person as you are a comedian/actor/TV host ... And you know ... That may even be true ... but dude ... You really do suck at all of the above. You've seen it happen a Million times?... You are probably use to a lot of people torching you on a regular basis, but I didn't think the dumb people would. I thought those &..39;tards were your fans. It doesn't take much to understand your humor. Maybe one day i'll find that girl to slip my seed in... Until then, Kevin Jr. is a long time away. To be honest with you, i vented my Joe Rogan frustrations on the very first simple message that i sent you. Since then, its just been funny to watch you get so worked up. After all is said, I am still a loser and have never accomplished anything in my life... but humbled by it... YOU... have been practicing the art of the loser for quite some time but for some reason think you are God's gift to kathy griffen and Brooke Sheilds... YOU... are also the laughing-stock of Hollywood and amongst your little sub-culture, everybody thinks you are lame. maybe that is why you enjoy lashing out against people so much.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:28 AM
I enjoy lashing out at people? Are you projecting, fatso? YOU started this whole thing, and now you're backed into a corner. I enjoy responding to assholes, and that's why we're having this conversation. You think I suck at all the things I do? That's fine with me, because as I've said before, the opinions of a fucking loser like you with no success to speak of means nothing. I'm the laughing stock of hollywood amongst my peers? And you know this how? Because in your little shit bag town of Athens, Ohio all my peers come over to your stinky little apartment and tell you how much they laugh at me? You got NOTHING, fat boy. Nothing to say, and nowhere to go. The only reason I'm still going with this at this point is because I think this is going to make an interesting blog entry :) Oh, and by the way, if any of you want to get in touch with Kevin, here's his myspace profile: My friend "Kevin" on myspace.

When you've made it

For only the classy attorneys