Finals

The scariest moment for a law student is having a question on the final that the teacher didnt cover in class. Even scarier is when the question is 100% of your final grade.

Piso Mojado

Today I am off protesting the unethical treament of law students. Join me in solidarity. Who's with me?

Studying

If you want a short study break, take a gander here.

Warning: if you are Type A, dont do it. Seriously. Consider yourself warned.

New Career

Im seriously considering dropping out of law school to become a full time romance novelist.

-This caffeine induced post is brought to you by my middle finger and Federal Income Taxation.

hair

People are starting to look like death around here. Most have bumped hygiene down a few more notches, practically leaving it extinct. Not that hippies ever cared anyway. There are more red eyes here than at a Grateful Dead concert. People are drinking 3 and 4 red bulls a day. Donkeys are being used instead of roller bags to cart books back and forth. All for the noble privilege of representing someone in a legal battle. I dont think we charge enough.

Too Good

Wouldnt you think that someone ranked #1 in their third year class would understand that the library's no food policy included pop tarts? Wouldnt the interpretation of the sign depend on whether the sign was actually a final integration? Would the parole evidence rule apply if the librarian was caught sneaking food in?

How I roll.

I carry this picture in my wallet. Mostly so my wallet actually contains some type of paper , but also for those days when i just want to show people how loco I really am.

life

life has been pretty messed up lately. school has taken a hit as a result of my actions. now i must study to save my ass. whether the rest of the messed up things work themselves out, i can only wish.

Oral Arguments

Oral Arguments are finally done. I went in there with next to nothing prepared and it served me well. Except for that whole part where i forgot to mention certain things. Either way, its done. The judges did not fall for the chewbacca defense, nor did they even care who ordered the code red. And word to the wise, writing your closing argument on your ass cheeks and then asking the judges to read it for you is not reccomended, unless you do ask many gleut flexes as I do each day. The judges were impressed with the tone and shape (of my argument pervs).

In sum, I would like to wish you all well on finals, that is unless you are in my classes. Then, i would prefer if you could not take the final. And handcuff yourself to the smartest person in the class.

Yes, i am behind on sleep.

Red

Approximately the color of the girl's face whose laptop decided to play some ridiculously ghey songs at a very high volume in the library despite the fact that she was trying to shut the sound off. For 30 seconds. While everybody in the library stared and laughed at her. Yes, impugn the girl with the malfunctioning computer. Why? Becuase its finals time and we need a laugh.

Boycott

In light of Tom Cruise's antics the last few years, I have decided to boycott his movies. In fact the only movie I will ever pay money for is Top Gun. Im really hoping everyone follows this boycott. He is an example of celebrities that forgot how they became rich and famous; because we used to care. Bon voyage dipshit.

Uninspired

Either i havent had much to say this week, or my body has been inhabited by midget hippies attempting to save the earth. So in the mean time, do the law school community a favor and sue someone.

Funniest Deposition Ever

This is the funniest deposition ever. Need Sound.

-hat tip to Raife

Who is in bed with my foofie?

I've been immersed in the legal world for almost 3 solid years now since my first becoming a file clerk. During the years thrice I have conversed with hundreds of attorneys, thousands of law students, 14 judges, and many professors. One thing is clear. The number of people that work in the legal profession and dislike it, significantly outnumber the amount of people who "like" their job. In fact, im willing to say that 3 out of every 4 attorneys would do something different than be a lawyer if they could do it all over again.

So where does that leave me? Where are these jobs that a JD opens the door to (excluding Westlanw and Lexis)? Im seriously entertaining one of these elusive jobs after graduation. I know its a bit early, but i have yet to find an attorney practicing less than 5 years who enjoys their life. Why should I be subjected to misery just to "give it a shot"?

I heart trapperkeeper

Im finally hip again. No, i didnt spend the weekend re-learning the macarena. I bought a new cell phone. Not any old cell, the motorola RAZR. This phone is sweet. It listens to me when I talk, unlike some people. If i want a pizza at 5 in the morning, i say "order a pizza" and badabing, a pie is bestowed to my presense in 30 short minutes. If i say, "do my tax homework", done. I ask you dear readers, what has your cell phone done for you lately?

Advice

• Cell phones do not soften fabric, despite what the sock gnome tells you.
• Appellate briefs really do take more than 3 hours to write.
• Spring break will never be long enough. Ever.
• Waiting to study Tax until 1 month before exams could be the best and worst decision you've ever made.

PS. If i had your phone number at some point, and you would like me to call you at some other point, please email your number to me. If you dont have my email, I probably dont want to your phone number*

* unless you have money, tax outlines, plane tickets, or male enhancement products**

** for my friend. seriously.

update

since life apparrently stops for some of you when this blog is silent, here you go. Guess what im doing now?

you cant have the milk if you dont buy the cow

Why is it ok for women to treat men as sex objects but not the other way around? I for one do not like being treated like a piece of meat, unless it is one of those cows that is fed nothing but beer and massaged all day to preserve tenderness.

If the glove dont fit

For those of you that are conflicted internally, full of self loathing, or just want to dress up for court, consider suing yourself. It can happen.

St. Paddy Day

I forgot to wear green today. So what? Pinch me and I will kick you where it hurts. If I had to guess, I would say my holiday spirit is at a 4.

Your day job

The next time you call someone a hooker at school, you just might end up eating those words.

Reading this will cause weight gain

The second grossest thing i've seen at this school would have to be catching someone taking the library's con law E & E into the bathroom for reading material. Thanks alot buddy. It was already a shitty class.

Running on Diesel

Is there an athlete-rapper that sucks more than Kobe Bryant? Imagine performing at a concert with Mr. Pink Diamond himself. After his solo (or as he calls it "spitting mad flava") and its time for him to pass the mike,there's no way he's passing it (unless you have a white chick from colorado in your hands). Im just saying that if i start a rap career, he's not my first choice for backup.

Side note: he's probably not the best guy to smoke weed with either.

Rant

There should be a statute against eating crunchy things in the library. Or at least a statute banning horses from the library. That would solve the noise problem and make this hippy library smell less.

Beat This!

This is the greatest sports prank of All Time.

-Hat tip to Steamer

The Plan

I have a class where there is one person in there who is, shall we say "different". Different in a way that whenever this person speaks the teacher agrees with them, whether they are correct or not. In fact, the teacher, who is quick to cut down anybody he disagrees with, has never disagreed with said person once. In fact, the prof has awarded praise to this person arbitrarily and capriciously. Simply put, this prof kisses the person's different ass. And I intend to reap all the benefits.

On my final, I am going to make some marks identifying myself as the different person. I wont be outright and use his initials, but I will make some kind of reference like , "As I stated in class (insert smart thing different person said).." Being the only different person in the entire class, prof cannot risk failing this person. In fact, if the prof gives different person a drasctically lower grade, that would bring up issues relating to being different. We wouldnt want that getting all over school would we? Prof will have no choice but to award a good grade despite what is written. After all, people love to play the different card, and this time it will be me.

Proof that the end of the world is nigh

• Yanni was arrested for domestic abuse, prompting critics to wonder whether the music made him do it.
• Three Six Mafia won an Academy award.

Need I say mor-or-or-or-or-or-ore?

What I spend class time doing

Prof Crim Pro: "A conservative is just a liberal who has been mugged."

Joe Rogan Emails

This was too funny not to post. Here is the email exchange lame Actor Joe Rogan exchanged with some dude on my space. Hilarious. I ganked this from The Superficial.

----------------- Original Message ----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 1, 2006 4:17 PM
Joe Rogan, I hate you... you're not funny...
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:07 PM
I love the fact that you need attention so bad that you had to email me that. That makes me feel happy :) Enjoy your depression. -----
------------ Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 7:59 AM
You really are an idiot... that 15 seconds now these 15 seconds now equal one-half of a minute that I spent letting you know that you are not funny... I sent you the message b/c you shamelessly plugged some gay event, 20 times, that i'm not goign to look at... How many medications are YOU on and then you tell me who is the depressed attention-whore... Enjoy balding,
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:30 AM
First off, my employees send those out, and if you don't want them, get off my list. Second off, you responding to any of those event requests, and doing it the way you did it, just shows me what a cunt of a man you are. You don't like me? That's great, because you're obviously a douche bag, and the opinions of douche bags mean nothing. I love it when losers like you don't like me. I like it even more when they express it. It makes me feel really good about my life when an insecure fat fuck like yourself takes the time out to email me, because that just shows me the way your shitty little mind works, and insures me that you're always going to be what you are now... a failure. There's always gotta be people like you around, because they make people like me stand out :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:45 AM
hahah, did i strike a nerve or something... you seem a bit testy by the way, my apologies... I should have shown Joe Rogan MUUUUCH more respect. Actor? Comedian? Shakespearian extrodinaire... People like you are the reason that everybody thinks they can make it in Hollywood and because people like you, anybody can make it into Hollywood... Look at William Hung. You did kill the Man Show Insecure? I guess we have something in common because you keep coming back at me... Your career is about over anyway, do you plan to work at the family hardware store after that? i'll be back after your next message to me... I have a bag of snacky-cakes to eat. I'm behind on my daily quoto. I'm never going to be as fat as your ego if i have to stop eating and type. ,.. Kevin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:49 AM
I only wish this conversation was in real life, so I could see the nervousness in your fat little face. I enjoy these little email conversations that I have with haters :) You emailed me and insulted me because you have a mediocre mind, and that's the extent of your capabilities. You trying to insinuate that I'm a loser is even more hysterical, because I've accomplished more in my life than you ever will if you could live a thousand of your shitty lives.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:53 AM
hahahh, Oh really? What is it that you have accomplished, Joe Rogan?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:55 AM
Google search me, you fucking failure :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:58 AM
you're avoiding the question... what have you accomplished
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 8:59 AM
That's my answer, find out yourself.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:01 AM
hahah, Joe Rogan... This is the funniest form I have ever seen you in. You're only accomplishment, in my memory, is taking a highly successful show (The Man Show) and running it into the ground merely by your presence alone. I also don't think playing second-fiddle to Brooke Shields is much of an accomplishment.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:09 AM
I was never on a show with Brooke Shields. I was however on 2 shows that made it to syndication, fear factor and newsradio, which means I never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Think about that when you're getting told what to do by your boss and struggling to pay your bills. I agree that the man show sucked, but unfortunately there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it at the time. I did however, make a fuck load of money from it, and had the time of my life. You're an ugly, fat faced zero, and I'm a famous multi millionaire. Those are the facts there, dear sweet kevin :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:27 AM
If we are arguing who has more money... YOU WIN!!! I'm sure your "Well i have more money than you" comeback comes in very resourceful on a daily basis when people constantly tell you how not-funny you are. But i'm 20 years old... where were you at age 20 junior college? About the fat thing... I didn't realize I was fat, maybe becaue i'm so insecure, I'll go purge a few pounds and tell some tabloid that Joe Rogan made me do it. . . Skinny Hollywood, actually... What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny. And dont' call me 'Dear sweet Kevin." I don't what type of 'man show' you are wanting to make, but i want no part in it.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 9:35 AM
"What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny." Did you forget how this all got started, fatty? You insulted me, and I let you know that your opinion means shit. This wasn't some unprovoked attack by a bully, it was me defending myself to a hateful little loser.To answer your question, when I was 20, I was US open tae kwon do champion, and I was teaching it at Boston University, going to U Mass and thinking about doing stand up. I WASN'T insulting celebrities and then using my age as an excuse for why I've never accomplished anything. What the fuck have you ever done, Kevin? Come on, fat boy. Please do tell.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:52 AM
obviously you didn't graduate college or else you would be able to understand what I am saying. So let me break it down for you carefully... I am a 20 year old college student... that's why I have no money. That's not my excuse YOU ARE PETHETIC BECAUSE... You continue to go back and forth with as you put it "a zero." Shoudn't you be coming up with "funny" facial expressions for candid photos? It's also not like I'm going out of my way to let you know about my "shitless" oppinions. I've never been in a movie, a sitcom, or even a shitty reality show, so to you I have accomplished nothing. But given less than a year, I know I could easily come up with a better stand-up routine than you.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:59 AM
Exactly what I thought, you have done NOTHING. I told you what I had accomplished by the time I was your age, and you have nothing but excuses and empty boasts. You could come up with a better stand up routine than me? That's hilarious. That's better than anything you could ever possibly say trying intentionally to be funny. "I'll show you! I could so do it if I wanted to!" Blah, fucking blah. You're falling apart here, Kevin, and it's taking you longer and longer to craft these responses. I've seen it happen a million times. There's nothing unique about you. You're a loser, pal. Always have been, always will be. If you're lucky you'll find some sad chick that's willing to let you shoot a live round inside of her, and then you'll have a little Kevin that you struggle to feed and raise. That's about the best you're ever going to do. And even then, you'll have to live with the fact that a guy like me could ALWAYS steal her away from you with minimal effort. I go "back and forth" with you because it's fun for me, and because I enjoy letting retarded douche bags like you know where they really stand in life.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:14 AM
I'll admit... I'm slowing down. For some reason, even after all of this, I almost feel like telling you that you're not as bad of a person as you are a comedian/actor/TV host ... And you know ... That may even be true ... but dude ... You really do suck at all of the above. You've seen it happen a Million times?... You are probably use to a lot of people torching you on a regular basis, but I didn't think the dumb people would. I thought those &..39;tards were your fans. It doesn't take much to understand your humor. Maybe one day i'll find that girl to slip my seed in... Until then, Kevin Jr. is a long time away. To be honest with you, i vented my Joe Rogan frustrations on the very first simple message that i sent you. Since then, its just been funny to watch you get so worked up. After all is said, I am still a loser and have never accomplished anything in my life... but humbled by it... YOU... have been practicing the art of the loser for quite some time but for some reason think you are God's gift to kathy griffen and Brooke Sheilds... YOU... are also the laughing-stock of Hollywood and amongst your little sub-culture, everybody thinks you are lame. maybe that is why you enjoy lashing out against people so much.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:28 AM
I enjoy lashing out at people? Are you projecting, fatso? YOU started this whole thing, and now you're backed into a corner. I enjoy responding to assholes, and that's why we're having this conversation. You think I suck at all the things I do? That's fine with me, because as I've said before, the opinions of a fucking loser like you with no success to speak of means nothing. I'm the laughing stock of hollywood amongst my peers? And you know this how? Because in your little shit bag town of Athens, Ohio all my peers come over to your stinky little apartment and tell you how much they laugh at me? You got NOTHING, fat boy. Nothing to say, and nowhere to go. The only reason I'm still going with this at this point is because I think this is going to make an interesting blog entry :) Oh, and by the way, if any of you want to get in touch with Kevin, here's his myspace profile: My friend "Kevin" on myspace.

When you've made it

For only the classy attorneys

Because some of you will wet your pants if you have to wait to read this

Just had my Ethics midterm. Yes, i know what your thinking. A midterm in big boy school? Its true folks. And let me tell you. It didnt just rape me. It bought me a drink, smooth talked me, and slipped me a roofie when i went to freshen up. It even requested Sweet Child O Mine from the DJ. Ok, that might have been a bit dramatic, or even a flashback from college for some, but you woudlnt read this if it wasnt partly false.

Anyway, as soon as I can remember who I am, operation nerd-bash will resume. And Im serious this time about good grades.

Ninja skills

An example of my super ninja like quickness: I was walking to class when I slowed down to check myself out in the window of the passing classroom. As I gazed at myself, I noticed that one of my books was slipping out of my hands. Without breaking eye contact with myself, I caught the book singlehandedly as it fell to the ground. Thats fast.

S is for Suck it Trebek

School Sucks. But what sucks more, are those people who tell you to "trick yourself into liking it." Why dont you trick yourself into liking jumping off a really tall bridge? Yeah, thats the ticket.

Karma

I was instant messenging with Turd Ferguson when he abruptly told me he had to go, because his girlfriend makes him watch Dancing with the Stars. Arguably, the gayest show ever, including Queer Eye. So after a few minutes of laughter, I decided to turn on the TV. To my horror, my rabbit ears would only pick up one station. The moral of the story: Fuck ABC.

Celluloid Dream

Every morning in the library, someone fires up the microfiche machine and starts looking at film. Every morning. What research requires this? Better yet, nothing worthwhile requires microfiche. It is safe to say that if you have used a microfiche machine., or know someone who has, you are cool. And by cool, I mean that you are a huge, politics loving, tapered jeans wearing, NERD!

The Lava is Red

Law school in an analogy:

Remember in grade school when you built the volcano for the science fair. You were all excited because it was realistic and spewed lava all over the place. In fact, you thought you had a legitimate shot at winning that cool gold ribbon, until the nerds brought their experiments in. There is something about the recombinant DNA of a bee's wings that makes a volcano pale by comparison.

Moral of the story: No elaborate description of baking soda, vinegar, and food coloring will impress those whose sole motivation in life is to compete with other nerds.

On the Next Montel

Bloggers who pretend to be the opposite sex on their blog are cyber- crossdressers. Discuss.

Take the lid off slowly

Im fucking pissed. Last week my LRW teacher told me my research was on point with the issue. Instead, I found out from a classmate that my research was nowhere close to accurate. I want my 3k back for this piece of shit class that isnt being taught.

Pork

Turd Ferguson requests a post about "pork and pork related products".

Bacon: where else, but in America can an entepreneur take the fattiest part of an animal salt it up and sell it for 5000% what it costs. That is the american dream. It doesnt get more "polishing a turd" than that.

Pork related: Texans hook up with Pigs when the sheep are being groomed.

Ask and ye shall receive

Im sick of coming up with ideas to post. Now its your turn. Tell me what you want me to talk about and I will give you some pearls of wisdom. Keep it appropriate and in line with my theme of taking over world (one doughnut at a time).

Law School in One Picture

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Anything Less would be uncivilized.

Just because you became an accountant doesnt disqualify you from being my butler in 3 years. In fact, good butlers that can make a mean mojito are hard to find.

And she stepped on the ball...

For those who have been sending me food stamps, money, and inappropriate pictures, there is no need to worry that I am starving. I am officially employed again. Not as a waiter, not as an anatomy by braille instructor, but as a real life law clerk. Its true, i get to argue motions, read thousands of pages, all while wearing a bow tie.

Truth be told, I will be working 10-15 hours a week starting next week, so expect for some exciting caffeine induced posts. Until then, rent swimfan and eat lots of trans fat.

Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to my wonderful girlfriend Abogada. You are amazing in so many different ways.

Career Decision

I want to be the first law student to become an Arbitrator straight out of law school. I seem to be quite good at getting in the middle of arguments, so getting $400/hr to do it seems the logical choice. Also leading me to this decision is the realization that I look damn good in a 50 gallon styrofoam cowboy hat.

Stop the Presses

Did you hear the news? Axl has finally come out of his 13 year psychosis to release another album. This album better be worth the F'ing wait. Maybe this is all part of Axl's plan to run for president in 2008. He might do a smidge more blow than Dubya, and bed a few more groupies than Clinton, but you havent lived until you hear Axl's State of the Union ballad.

Recharge

Sometimes a day off from studying is the best thing you can do for your life at that moment.

Thats how we do it in International Relations Bitch!

As if there was any doubt that The OC is the greatest show ever, here is more proof.

Wisdom

Writing prof gave us some excellent words of wisdom regarding our trial briefs due tomorrow. In regards to how long to make the brief, she said, "The trial brief is like a mini-skirt. It should be short enough to make things interesting, but long enough to cover the subject."

Lost

"With your feet in the air and your head on the ground." -The Pixies

That about sums up life right now.

Fan Mail

Dear Mick,

After drinking four beers and gorging myself on nachos before halftime, I was already on the edge. I just have one question for you. How did you steal a pair of my girlfriend's pants? Better yet, why where you wearing a shirt sized for a nine year old? I dont want to see a 65 year old woman's midriff, let alone yours. Anyway, you will be happy to know that vomit comes off of suede easily, thanks to the cleaning supplies that Keith was apparently huffing before the show.

I have to tell you, the article i read in GQ last month that stated you've had sex with thousands of girls was full of shit. No consious, willing, adult woman would have sex with a guy wearing pants like that. I guess that brings new meaning to "I cant get no satisfaction."

Nauseously,

Gr8

Floss

After 3 terms of busting my ass, with marginal results, I have officially dubbed this term "The G String" term. Why you ask? Because less is more. No more 14 hour study binges. Instead, I will be binging on all the things I have been missing out like doughnuts, my girlfriend, picking my gigantic nose, working out, cutting down trees, spraying CFC's into the air just cuz i can, and reading Republican Weekly.

Not only will I not arrive to school before anyone else, but I will be at least the 8th person there. Instant Messenger during class, hell yes! When teachers call on me, not only will I ask what page the case is on, but I will refer to each case as the "car" case. That will surely evoke a fun reaction from my professors. Dont believe me? Yesterday I did above mentioned actions when called on, and today the teacher asked me If i wanted him to write me a letter of recommendation. No kidding.

So if you see me in the halls, on instant messenger, sleeping, snorting ground up coffee beans, just keep on walking. There's only enough room for one in this g string.

Get em while their hot

Tickets for the superbowl are in the thousands on ebay. Really, it blows my mind that I cant even give away tickets to the gunshow.

I must have a sign on my head that says call on me because ive been called on in each class today.

What im doing right this second

Curious George wasnt absolutely horrible tonight. To be honest, some parts of his performance have been stellar. Maybe even damn near impressive. But hold on, I said near. While fire and brimstone have not yet fallen upon us, I still have my gripes. Alas, I voted, and im not even sure whether the other dude would have made a difference.

All I know lately is that if i want to wear a sweater vest with my name embroidered on it without having to worry about being called a republican I should be able to in these free united states.

And if Radezzy wants to tell everyone and their mother that he has a condo in the pearl, then its his prerogative. Just please dont tell us when you take the mother home next time. I blew chunks for two hours solid.

Snowy: I havent talked to you much since Brokeback Mountain came out. I know this is close to the time you left to go back to school, but im starting to wonder if it has something to do with the movie.

Law School: you are the bain of my existence, yet without you I wouldnt have met Abogada. So thank you and F Off at the same time.

Anonymous commenters: stick to your new year resolutions and start a blog. That way you can annoy the world without making me check my email everytime.

TV Guide

Tonight at 6 pm p.s.t, on every channel is the preview for the upcoming Curious George movie. Ebert and Roeper contend the movie has all the classic CG qualities; Hypocrisy, Deception, and Lies. This looks like its worth a few laughs folks.

Rant

The interview spots for this weekends Public Interest Career Fair was posted today. Out of 6 applications, I have 1 interview. I am excited, but otherwise feel dissappointed with the system. The other 6 employers I applied to have literally the same people interviewing for each. Even more annoying, I know some of them from class and have a hard time not posturing myself against their abilities.

Either way, the bright side is that I finally have an interview for a prosecution job.

Rejection Letters

Rejection letters are hilarious. One firm declined to offer me a summer position despite my "impressive credentials and work experience." Apparently they were only hiring people with "ridiculously impressive credentials".

Ab Workout

This is the funniest video ive seen in a while. Hat tip to Radeezy for this.

Job Hunting Tip #2358

When sending applications to the Department of Justice in several states, make sure you coverletter does not have typos.

Yet more proof of who wears the pants

Abogada: What you doing this weekend hotstuff?

Me: Gonna watch the superbowl and study. Maybe do 500 crunches.

Abogada: The superbowl isnt this weekend smarty pants.

Me: Its not?

Abogada: No, Feb 5th. Awww. Did you forget to eat your Flintstones today?

Me: Gotta run honey. Gotta cancel the kegs and Midgets.

What do you think?

My heart goes out to the family whose 7 children and now grandfather died as a result of a careless big rig driver. Apparently, the children never had a chance as the rig slammed into the car going 50-65 mph. Upon hearing that 7 of his grandchildren were dead, the victims' grandfather died of a heart attack. Truly a sad story.

The driver of the big rig is hospitalized but will likely live as most often occurs in this situation. My question to you is what is the proper punishment for him? Consider he had two other driving infractions that suggest he was unfit to drive the big rig.

Also, what is the punishment for the company employing him in light of their ignorance or refusal to act accordingly to his prior infractions. Basically, the driver shouldnt have been behind the wheel.

The proper punishment, in my opinion for the driver is life in prison. There is no evidence to suggest that the driver tried to stop (skid marks). He simply wasnt paying attention. A lifetime to think about this is the least justice that can be provided here.

As to the company, here's where my liberal side screams out. How do you deter companies from employing shitty drivers? You fine them. How much? Punitives are efficient to the extent they actually punish the company. Simply, they should be fined to the point of bankruptcy. There is no justification for why lives were lost other than the company and driver's negligence. Other companies will not learn without a lesson being taught. Capitalism might take the back seat to justice here, but in the long run, companies will be safer and more likely to employ safe drivers.

Unless you have another way?

Medium Rare

It's too early in the term to be burnt out, but that hasn't seemed to register with my brain. I can barely look at a book long enough to skim every other line. I dont even read for Crim Pro anymore, and we're only 2 weeks into the term. I just cant do it.

Searching for work is more draining that studying. I haven't gotten any responses yet so my paranoia keeps me looking for more work. The only think that hasn't suffered yet is my workout routine. What is wrong with me? Do any 2.6L's feel this way also?

I'm not sure that taking time off will solve this. In fact, im sure that this is directly related to studying so hard last term only to find mediocre grades.

The weird thing about all of this is that im not unhappy, just annoyed with studying. Sometimes I really wonder if I should have pursued my singing career.

What is all the fuss about?

I finally got to Roe v. Wade, 1.5 years into my law school career. What a let down. I knew the gist of the case, but was expecting a more elaborate opinion, protester comments, bible throwers, pictures of fetuses, etc.

Toying with the idea of making T-Shirts that say, "I read Rowe v. Wade and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."* Dont steal my idea please, I plan on retiring with this one.

*I was joking, but if you really want one, send me $49.95 and I will make one personally. And I will have Abogada sleep in it for one night which judging by the amount of creepy guys at Cooley, should allow me to sell approximately 4,543 shirts, including one to Mr. Le Duc himself.

Debate This

My father and I have been debating genetics vs. environment for a while now. I used to think that hard work could replace any lack of brains that a person might have. I have since changed my opinion regarding this matter.

I still believe that hard work can definitely compensate for a lack of brain power, but cannot overcome less hard work matched with more brain power. Proof: I worked harder than 99% of my colleagues and didnt do as well. Dont get me wrong, I do not think that I am some type of moron. I just dont have a more plausible expanation for the outcome.

Do you?

The A team

Congrats to my girlfriend Abogada for getting an A in evidence. Out of 180 people she was 3rd. Thats a gold medal in my book. Pardon me if none of you are invited to the medal ceremony.

Role reversal

I do believe that my girlfriend just blogged about having road rage. I cant help but laugh as I am about to pop in The OC i recorded from a couple of nights ago. Who wears the pants around here?

Funny Case for Law Students

Read this opinion if you get a chance. The judge is hilarious.

Bradshaw v. Unity Marine Corp., Inc.

147 F.Supp.2d 668

Thanks Pfizer

I sat down to eat with my mom and the public television channel was airing a special in Dating after 40. At first it was no problem. All this talk about meeting at large group outings, drinking, dancing, and of course conversation. The next segment damn near turned my face into cherry jello. Did you know that 40+ year olds are sexually active? I sure as hell didnt. I thought that stuff ended when you get married like they say. So here I am sitting with my mom, while 50,60,70, and 80 year olds talk about swinging, making love face to face, enjoying eachother's genitalia, and listening to Kenny G while lying on a bear skinned rug. No joke. That was the fastest and longest dinner of my adult life.

Take a closer look

I was having a pretty crappy day for no specific reason whatsoever. Sure, things are rough, but something always is in life. Then I went to the gym, where I usually blow off my steam. I was playing basketball when one of the guys playing had a really bad epileptic seizure. I felt horrible for him. Basically, I am selfish for thinking that I have it rough. Sometimes though, I just need a reminder that life is pretty good. It is unfortunate though, of the things that often remind us of that.

Try

I've learned lately that in life you can give your all, which sometimes will be enough to achieve your dreams, and sometimes falls fatally short. The point is that your dreams should be flexible and cover as many bases as you can, or life will probably be one big dissappointment.

More proof that I am dating the smartest cheerleader on earth

Just because you cant see me doesnt mean i cant see you

Why is every class really a front for constitutional law? I cant stand constitutional law. Its just not my cup of tea. I thought for sure that Crim Pro would be less constitutional and more F'ed up criminals, but its not. And I also have con law 2 this term. Im just afraid that when i take secured transactions next semester, it will really be constitutional secured transactions.

You cant make this crap up

When attending my weekly meeting with my image consultants this week, it has come to our attention that without the creation of more adversity, my future memoirs to be released in print, dvd, braille, and broadway play, would be devastatingly boring. My image consultants did what any right minded image consultants would do in this situation. So, when I went to get my financial aid check this morning, it was only 1/4th as big as I was counting on. I am officially broke. I plan to put this excellent chapter right in between chapter 1: growing up short and jewish, and chapter 3: White men can jump?

24

I just watched the first half of the season premiere of 24 and im hooked. Just what I needed, another show to watch.

Dream Job

I want to be his attorney on this case. Then I can blackmail him into getting the greatest band in the world hands down back together and like would be guns n fucking roses great again.

I'd like to thank the academy

Wow. 30,000 hits on this blog. I never saw this day coming. Thanks I guess. Really though, I dont want readers leaving comments down the road about how much of their life they wasted reading this trash.

Friday Night

I sitting here blogging about not being able to do anything. My girlfriend lives 2000 miles away, my bank account is empty, and I have already excercised enough this week. What to do? Suggestions are appreciated.

On a more positive note, I mailed 23 resumes out today. Not bad. Thanks to the government for raising postage again. Props to the registar's office for inputting my C in Civ Pro grade just in time for the weekend. Its nice to start the weekend off poorly that way things can only go up from there.

I need more ideas for songs to download.

I also need cash. Maybe songs about cash.

Dry

And one last rant. Purchased my books today.
$523 dollars.

Job Hunting

Job hunting is discouraging to say the least. My old firm decided to let me know that my grades weren't good enough two months after I should have been applying everywhere else. I suppose that is my fault for not being proactive about the job search.

Writing a good cover letter sucks. Why cant you just fill out a standard form for each employer, put it into a database and let the chips fall where they may? I'm thinking about covering my cover letter with some Miracle whip for that zing it supposedly has.

Alito eats the Frito

I'm back folks. No longer will you need to scour the archives in search for you daily fix of 2Cents. Michigan was awesome and my girlfriend had to pry me off of her beautiful body when the airline announced my flight was leaving. It amazes me how one person can affect so intimately how much home really feels like home. Technically I am home, but I am homesick without her.

I am motivated for a fresh new start on law school and my search for summer employment. For those of you who wanted the whiny old 2Cents posts check back in a few weeks when I am even more miserable without Abogada. Until then, time to get er done.

Over it

After a three day, 12 dozen krispy kreme induced coma, I am over the bad news. In fact im effing excited to look for a new gig. It might not pay better, but everything happens for a reason, and I willingly invite this new change into my life. Other than being broke, this could turn out to be the best news so far.

Number 1 reason why technology sucks

I hadn't checked my school email for some reason. Subconsiously there was a reason why. The firm decided not to extend me an offer for next summer despite my "impressive performance" last summer. Back to the drawing board.

Black by popular demand

Well hello my friends. Its been a while since we talked. In fact, the last time we talked I was not halfway done with law school. But I am now. And you know how it feels? Great. Better yet, Fucking great. Now its time to get to the stuff that really matters. Dont expect much posting in the next few weeks. Tootles.

It all makes sense now

While I usually resort to blaming my bad moods on a combination of law school, lack of fiber, GWB, or Radar's Condo in the pearl, I have recently discovered the omnipotent excuse.

As I was opening today's mail, I received my donor card from the Red Cross for donating blood a couple of months ago. Taking a close look at my card, I noticed that my blood type written on there was O negative. O negative? WTF. I DONT HAVE HAPPY BLOOD. HOORRAY!

My entire life I was told my blood was B positive. B positive is that sweater wearing know it all who raises his hand and then tells the class he has a question before asking the damn question. B positive is that "Sounds like someone has a case of the monday's" Chick from Office Space.

After running up and down the street screaming "My blood is cranky" for a half hour, I thought about calling GWB to tell him the great news. Then I realized that he was probably already listening, and that there was no need to waste the phone call.

So the next time you ask if im hungry "or something", I will officially be authorized to whip out my blood card and smack you for asking me such stupid question. Of course im hungry, and of course im cranky, and of course Radar's condo smells like fish.

Laffy Taffy

When relieving post-finals stress, most have the traditional get crunk method. Me, im one of those guys who secretly likes to shop. Nothing, other than some cuddle time with Abogada relaxes me more than being balls deep in a new pair of Sevens. Perhaps a new pair of basketball shoes. So after my last final on Thursday, look for me at the mall, dropping so many Hamiltons they call me Aaron Burr.

And before you throw stones, just know, there are more like me.

The cat lady

Its been a long week, so I rented a movie. Though this wasnt any movie, it was "The Island". Now what better way to unwind than to watch a movie alluding the ethics of cloning. I think cloning should be allowed but only so that our clones can be sent it for law exams. Wait. I didnt really think that out but I dont want to delete it. Just pretend that our clones could be made after we attended each semester and then they could go into finals with all of our knowledge, while the real "us'" could go to the bar and get crunk. Maybe perhaps a little pregame with abogada and her clone...

My humps

Im going to bed early on a friday night because I still have two finals left. Everyone else except for CW is done. I wont be done for another week. Happy relaxing to all. Congrats on another term done. Pretty soon, we can buy ourselves a ticket outta the ghetto.

How you know when its time to leave the library for the day.

When someone with a mohawk walks in.

The rabbit chases the carrot

From a psychology perspective, it is readily apparrent why law school turns people into the cliche lawyers. Throughout the semester, there is this lull of reading, and passiveness that creates a backdrop for the intense frenzy that final exams create. As the semester winds down, students are abruptly awakened by the impending crush of finals. 15+ weeks crushed into 3 hours. 3 hours on material that may (or may not) be what the teacher said would be there. 300+ other peers all fighting for that coveted top quartile even though your school contends they are "not competitive". 50 page outlines, better yet 100 page outlines distilled into 3 page attack outlines. Caffeine flows freely from any barista within 50 miles of the law school. Palms sweat as each student strives for the one thing that will validate all their work; An A. When that A doesnt come for some, what else validates your existence? Your peers either laud your mediocre standing or your are despised by your peers for being unworthy of their intellectual prowess. Interviewers reject your resume, never minding your otherwise stellar credentials. You are not one of them they muse. You are somehow different, as if having a life suddenly did become a crime.

And yet they wonder why you are the way you are. You chose to go to law school they say. At least you will earn gobs of money they say. Mental Midgets, its no price for this hell.

Happy studying all.

Funny Quote

Seen on the dry erase board by the cafeteria:

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in school".

Civ Pro

Had a computer scare partly through the exam. My wordprocessing program froze and shut down. Luckily the autosave program caught what I had written. Ran outta time on the last question after taking too long on the rest of the questions. Took the rest of the day off.

Updizzles for my nizzles

With finals starting tomorrow I am all tapped out. Exhausted, I am going to bed early so I can get a full 9 hours sleep. Wish me luck. I dont really have anything creative or funny to say, except that you are lucky I dont charge you to read this blog. Is that arrogant? No. Arrogance would be if I accepted cash only.


Good luck on finals to all.

Wilted

Once you've stopped and smelled the roses, you will realize that reality is no more than a hollow shell of your perception. Without this perception, you are unaware that you are unhappy.

Study Block

I cant seem to get myself to study today. Motivation wont make me. Fear rears its ugly head but I quickly dismiss it. 5 days till exams and who am I to just chill. Rather, crunch time took on a new meaning today. I went to the gym, lifted, ran a mile, did some crunches, and then played basketball for a couple hours. If I can move tomorrow, I am def going to the lib.

I'll cry if i want to

The balls are officially silver today. Abogada sent me a cake made with prune juice and topped with Ensure frosting. Thanks to my loved ones for making this a good one, and ive only been up for 2 hours.

Reset

After an almost complete day off, resulting in a good workout and much deserved Tv time, I am back in the library for arguably the toughest week of law school- The week before finals. This is the time of reckoning, the time where the previous 3 months culminate into a morbid attempt to load massive amounts of information into your head, all the while protecting the information already in there from flying out. Im ready for this. Good luck to all my loved ones who are hitting the books this week also. It shall pay off soon.

Survey Says

What does a fish-smelling, studio condo in a rich neighborhood say about a person?

• 2 people said that the owner probably makes love to large fish or even whales without his friends knowing.
• 3 people concurred with above opinion but added that the owner probably pours fish oil all over himself while watching Richard Simmons videos.
• 5 people laughed too hard to answer the question.
• 1 republican looked shocked that i knew his boyfriend.
• 22 PETA members beat me with my clipboard and demanded said owner's address "to free their aquatic friends".
• 1 person, beat all the PETA members wearing Kanye West's fur coat from his Gold Digger video, while singing blame it on the rain.
• 33 people overwhelmingly said the owner is probably just compensating for a lack of something.

Update: Michael Jackson just emailed me back and weighed in on the survey. Im quoting folks. "And you think im fucked up?.."

Nerdy Jokes du jour

Is an attack outline's propensity to attack admissible to show that it cut my finger under the Federal Rules of Evidence?


What is stuffy, looks like a martha stewart living room, and smells like fish?


For these answers and condescending hygiene tips, meet me on the ninth green at 9pm.

Today