Stop

Dear Creepy McCreeperson,

I see you staring at me at starbucks. To be honest, I pretend that you are invisible so that I dont lead you on. I know it may seem that by studying, and pretending to be interested in my reading, that I am somehow homoerotically fascinated with you. Sorry. Not the case. So when you eye fuck me for 38 minutes without blinking, while I am trying to read Evidence, please have the courtesy to buy me a latte first.

Sincerely,

Eyefucked and undercaffeinated

Next Stop: Bangersville

My friend's instant messenger away message:

"Auto response from [Name Redacted]: at the gym, look for me, I'm the huge guy with all the chicks around me."

Wow. And people call you a meathead...

Sick as a dog

I caught the inevitable summer cold going around. This explains the confusion of last post. Sudafed does wonders on the brain. So does studying Business Associations with a fever.

I feel like im taking crazy pills

As we approach the mammal, though quietly as not to alert him to our prescence, we see that he has taken two sudafed and is remarkably similar to a meth head. Eyes, large with euphoria, the mammal hopes that the effects of sudafed are ephemeral and that no stupid things are said in the upcoming Evidence class. We watch the mammal as he reaches into his backpack, he sits there wondering what he is looking for. We dont laugh, becuase we know that his senility is because of the drugs. Or is it? It does not matter, however, because he is in his natural habitat, the law library.

Why Im not a Hooters Girl

According to my employment law reading, Hooters defends its women only policy as suffeciently job-related by insisting that their primary business is not to run a restaurant serving burgers, beer, and chicken wings, but to present lightly-clad "Hooter Girls" as entertainment, preferred by their clientele over male servers.

So are you saying that you would rather not see me in shorts and tights while you try to scarf some crappy chicken skin, er, i mean wings, down your gullet?

[Edit: As I read further, it actually discussed Men who have sued Hooters because they want to dress "lightly" and serve food. I wonder if they still have to wear the tights? ]

Gentleman, No really means No.

Finally an invention for those pesky guys who dont listen to their women. Or for the sheep of the south that are sick of being violated. Warning. This link is not for weak stomachs.

Summer's Eve

We all knew the silence wouldn't last. I am too damn annoyable. Douchebag of the week award goes to the guy who is 28 but looks 42 in my civ pro class. As he tried to enter the row where we sat, he approached our book bags and just stood there. Instead of walking past them, he stood there, for about a minute while I moved over so he could get by. Still sitting there I asked him if I could help him. He glared at me and stood there silent. Smiling, I asked him again what he needed. He then blurted that he was not going to do the long jump to get to his seat. He then pointed to my neighbor's backpack as the offending culprit. Keep in mind there was plenty of room to get by. Ask and you shall receive. I answered his question. "Not Mine". The look of contempt on his face was only magnified by the coke bottles glued to his eyes. Apparently, his manners vanished with his eyesight. I wished him good luck and let him run the gauntlet. I think he knew that the entire row was not going to move their shit just so he had a perfectly clear path. He eventually ran the gauntlet, and as soon as he made it to his seat we traded sneers. So here's to you, Douchebag of the week. Good luck next week when I bring in my camping backpack.

Starbucks

Im back. For now. I just wanted to point out that the worlds craziest people congregate at coffee shops. Who was I to think that only highly civilized, chic, peeps would hang out at a place that sells the most popular legal drug. Apparently I also forgot to wear my "Yes, I am studying, so No, I dont care about your stupid story " shirt, in favor of my "I look busy, but I really would like to hear about how your wife is cheating on you".

Some lady even came up to me and asked me if I was about to start college. I know I look young, but I think this goes to lack of intelligence on her part.

Thanks to all for the bloglove. Just when I was about to proverbially jump, you came and rescued a guy who was barely hanging on.

The downside to blogging

I really dont have much to say these days. School is the same old grind. Trying to get my woman back, with little success so far. There isnt much more that I care to discuss on this blog any longer. Dont expect much in the near future.

Tonight at 8pm

Tonight at 8pm pst, Fox is exclusively airing an interview with President Bush regarding impending oil crises. I suggest you tune in to avoid being an apathetic hippie.

How to keep your sanity at an uber-liberal law school

Being a conservative democrat, i often find myself a little too conservative for the school I attend, so I have devised some steps in order to lighten the mood each day:

1. Style your hair at school. Nothing irks hippie trash more than whipping out a fat bottle of ozone-depleting Aquanet.

2. Wear a Red Clown nose: No longer will you be subjected to the ragged masses that refuse to bathe/wear deodorant/shave/ vote/ let go of the tree. Rather, the clown nose will stop you from inhaling Hippie Stank which is known to cause hair growth, stagnant economic growth, and burlap underwear. Side bonus: the hippies, hopped up on herbal supplements will stare at your clown nose with hypnotic admiration. You will be a golden god. At least for 45-90 minutes until their euphoria subsides (from what i hear).

3. Don Corporate Attire: Granolas hate the "I love starbucks shirt". Better yet, they hate the "Baby seals: Food or clothing" shirt more. Wrap yourself in a real Grizzly Bear rug and go to class. Not only will hippies be utterly repulsed by your attire, but teachers will give you style points for being a caveman, ergo the "original hippie".

4. Wear Pink: Pink is an effective hippie repellant. Hippies are confused by the complex, masculine, color. Being ingorant to current fashion trends, the hippies think that you are gay and are less likely to talk to you.

5. Take a ream of paper and throw it all over campus. Better yet, take 10 reams of paper and litter campus. Hippies will be mad that you are killing their poor phallic symbols, i mean trees, and will be even more upset that you are littering the environment.

6. Start the Concrete Promulgation Society: No longer will our earthy hillsides remain lush and unused. If there isnt a starbucks every 10 feet then I see building potential. When the hippies reject this club, shun them with employment applications and remind them that they are Starbucks potential. After all, school loans dont pay themselves.

7-10: Reader's Choice Submissions. Discuss

Definitely yellow, but shouldnt be green.

Hat tip to Snowy for this one.

Quote

"There is no freedom without justice."
-Simon Wiesenthal (Nazi Hunter)

Proof that Evolution Doesnt Exist

#23 retires

I am taking a blogging hiatus to center my chi. After I find a towel I will be back.

Why I love spam

Honestly, how can you not find this funny?

I skim a lot of blogs, and
so far yours is in the Top 3
of my list of favorites. I'm
going to dive in and try my
hand at it, so wish me luck.

It'll be in a totally different
area than yours (mine is
about keyword ranking)
I know, it sounds strange, but it's
like anything, once you learn more
about it, it's pretty cool.

If you don't mind, I'd really appreciate
being able to come back and get a
few tips and suggestions from you,
if that's alright, alright?

Thanks,
Tiffany Burrell
Keyword Queen!
ps. I confess, that's not my real picture! :-)

Can you believe it? Im in the top 3 for this chick. Who is she anyway? Im pretty sure she lives with Radeezy in the pearl. Maybe they can walk their poodles together every night. Where do you become a Keyword Queen? Do you have to be a queen to begin with? If so, again, Radar you are in like flint...

EDIT: After posting this, I received a spam comment 30 seconds later.

Fools Gold

I want to be the first attorney to write a prenuptual agreement containing the complete lyrics to Kanye West's Gold Diggers.

Fashion Question

I am the best man in an upcoming wedding. The groom has elected to pick out matching Banana Republic sweaters, shirts, and slacks instead of the traditional tux route. I think this is great. After all, who wants to wear a crappy tux anyway. The groom, however, has asked that we pay him $100 for said items. Is this taboo? Should I be complaining despite the fact that I get my money's worth of cool clothes. Should I be upset that I find Banana Republic fashionable now in favor of A&F? Should I show up to the wedding wearing a tux painted on a shirt?

Send me Money

So I can buy this painting. No you cant swipe a credit card, unless your name is Abogada.

THe longest post ever written by a short 2nd year law student frat boy on a friday night at 11pm wearing velcro gloves.

The transition to my second year of law school has been frought with many experiences that have tested my ambition. I first left the city where I did my first year of school, leaving behind the love of my life, and some friends.

I came home to a city that I can see myself living in after law school, but not quite sure if that works for all interested parties. In fact, the one thing ive learned is how someone can make anywhere home.

So here I am now. Juggling the constant pressure to get good grades as my gpa starts over. I have a lot to prove to myself, and for that matter to the people at my old firm that expect good things out of me. Im not sure when exactly I starting caring what they thought, but I would be lying if I said that part of the reason I want to do well is so I can get hired there.

Lately, I seem to have many more mood swings than usual. For those who know me, that can get a little overbearing as I often have 10 mood swings a day. The feeling that you wish you could bring the past back to relive it has been haunting me. Not that I would change many things, but just so I could re-experience the good things in my life.

I suppose that the point of this post is to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. All this artificial pressure is useless in making myself happy. Living without the girl that I love is hard enough, but I know now that I need to find a way to be happy alone, so that if im lucky enough to ever get her back, I can make her truly happy. This goal is partially selfish too though, as I do not need to schedule my depression for Tuesdays and Thursdays as I have been. I need to find a way to love everything I do. Its the only way im gonna make it.

Do you know why i want to be a lawyer so bad?

Do you? For starters, If i was a lawyer, I could have sued the hell out of the school for an injunction when Marissa got expelled from school for shooting Trey. Second, I would have sued the dean of discipline for assaulting marissa at the carnival. Then I would sue that blonde girl who is trying to mount kjersten for keeping her away from sandy. Im just kidding about all of this. I just felt like tricking my readers into getting hooked on the OC also. hahaha. good luck not watching it next week!

I just flew in and boy are my arms tired.

All I want is a plane ticket so I can go see my girlie. Why do they have to be $300 bucks. Priceline is a joke. I named my price and the computer actually laughed at me. Then it asked whether i meant dollars or euros. I hate being a broke student.

You Motorboatin Son of a Bitch

I can never seem to be happy with my memo for LRW. I keep refining it, so much that I am only halfway done with it and its due on Tuesday.

It is kinda frustrating to see all the people doing OCI interviews too. I have to wait and see whether my firm wants to bring me back. I am trying not to let it bother me. Getting rid of OCD is like telling J-LO to get a smaller bootie. You just dont get rid of stuff that works for you. OCD is inherent in most law students, and is actually a good thing. Without it, mind numbing details would be overlooked and pursuit of perfection would be cast aside in favor of a few beers.

Employment law is the camel on my back. Driving me nuts. I remember the good old days when you could fire someone simply by saying, "Off with their head". I hope those days return and that im the one saying it.

The past revisited

I had a teacher in undergrad that hated me. Well, I had a few, but some really went out of their way to make my life hell. One made me see the school psychologist just because I allegedly interrupted the class (never happened). Another, gave me crappy grades on flawless work. So crappy, at one point, a girl stood up and yelled at the teacher for treating me so bad.

It seems my writing prof is back to haunt me. Our first non-grades assignment merited comments on all the papers. As I looked through the stack, most said "great job" or "excellent". I pull mine and it says "Good idea, but a couple of questions". Both irrelevant. The funny thing is that I dont care. Pass fail class. No more trying to impress her. I have a year with her. F her.

Psych!

Some of you took the bait.

Guess What?

I am a Republican.

Your fired!

Dear everyone,

Thanks for letting me know that Employment Law is really the "i cant believe its not butter" of conlaw. There is nothing I hate more than a wolf in sheeps clothing, except maybe brussel sprouts.

Love,

Me

Ps. I will let this one slide. One more and I quit.

The scales of justice

What I feel like as a future attorney...

The mighty Beavers

My Beavers overcame torrential rain, and dime-sized hail to overcome Boise State with a last minute field goal. This handed BSU its second loss of the season and propelled the glorious Beavs to 2-0. Nobody touches our Beavers.

And to reiterate, the OC is the greatest show ever. Anyone who disagrees is just upset because they do not have the faculties required to enjoy such quality television.

Greyhound leaves from Newport now?

Right. Im sure Greyhound has a bus stop in Newport Beach. Perhaps right next to the welfare office. Whats that you say? There are no poor people in Newport. Tell me something I dont know.

Find Greyhound's marketing manager and put him with the piano neck tie guy so they can have idiot kids. Am I supposed to believe that Trey wakes up from a coma and is automatically discharged from the hospital the day after Julie Cooper comes in to blackmail him? No. But i dont have to. Ryan is out of jail and back with Marissa which is all that matters. Seth is proof that no matter how funny you are, dating a frigid bitch will take your humor away. If only I can convince my friends of this...

OCI Update

I would love to tell you about how crappy OCI really is except for two problems:
1. I havent been granted any interviews.
2. Opinistas wrote everything you need to know in this great post.

Reply

Dear Yours Truly,

Get over it. You know you cant get enough of it.

Sincerely,

Self

ps. nice job on that memo. Maybe tomorrow you will actually go one day without going to the wrong classroom.

Mcfly

Dear Self,

Instead of dishing out advice to the 1L's, why dont you read the damn LRW syllabus so you dont spend another 10 hours writing a memo on the wrong subject.
Sincerely,

Yours truly

Ps. Stop winking at yourself every time you walk past reflective glass.

For whom the bell tolls

Two more dings. Two firms to go. Still waiting on my firm from last summer to make a decision whether they will extend me another offer.

The bell goes..

Two more dings. Still waiting on 5 firms.

Ding

1st employer out of 9 to give me a ding. Oh well.

What happens when you mix alcohol, the internet, and two x chromosomes

Seriously. This is scary. The sad part is that she is for real.

I dont want to grow up, cuz if i did...

The hardest part about growing up is making choices that have substantial effects. Sometimes choices that are made with the best intentions turn out to have disastrous consequences. Responsibility, for lack of a better word, sucks.

I bleed orange and black

All i have to say is Go Beavs!

Help me Help you, Jerry!

Why dont the people in New Orleans who can walk start doing so? Steal a skateboard, bike, etc and clog the damn highway. If buses can make it, so can people. I know that it is 100 degrees outside, but Im hard pressed to believe that sitting around with corpses is healthier than walking. Historically, people traveling by foot have been successful. Maybe I dont have the faculties to understand their dilemma. If they are hanging around to take care of a loved one, then that is admirable, but I still dont believe that every single person there is sticking around for a loved one.

Here's the Rub

I am cranking away at 8 am in the library. There are maybe 10 other people here. I may not be the smartest in the class, but I will work the hardest.

Warning: Democrat post

The people who could have left New Orleans but failed to are morons. There is no way around that determination. "Sticking it out" isnt an option when they tell you a class five hurricane will hit your town that just happens to be below sea level already.

What saddens me more is that fact that we cant overcome the anarchy with relief efforts. At what price do we send thousands to go die for another cause, while we dont even have control over our own people. Do we not have the manpower to send there? If so, then why? Or if we do, then why havent they gone?

I will entertain all reasonable responses.