Take the lid off slowly

Im fucking pissed. Last week my LRW teacher told me my research was on point with the issue. Instead, I found out from a classmate that my research was nowhere close to accurate. I want my 3k back for this piece of shit class that isnt being taught.

Pork

Turd Ferguson requests a post about "pork and pork related products".

Bacon: where else, but in America can an entepreneur take the fattiest part of an animal salt it up and sell it for 5000% what it costs. That is the american dream. It doesnt get more "polishing a turd" than that.

Pork related: Texans hook up with Pigs when the sheep are being groomed.

Ask and ye shall receive

Im sick of coming up with ideas to post. Now its your turn. Tell me what you want me to talk about and I will give you some pearls of wisdom. Keep it appropriate and in line with my theme of taking over world (one doughnut at a time).

Law School in One Picture

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Anything Less would be uncivilized.

Just because you became an accountant doesnt disqualify you from being my butler in 3 years. In fact, good butlers that can make a mean mojito are hard to find.

And she stepped on the ball...

For those who have been sending me food stamps, money, and inappropriate pictures, there is no need to worry that I am starving. I am officially employed again. Not as a waiter, not as an anatomy by braille instructor, but as a real life law clerk. Its true, i get to argue motions, read thousands of pages, all while wearing a bow tie.

Truth be told, I will be working 10-15 hours a week starting next week, so expect for some exciting caffeine induced posts. Until then, rent swimfan and eat lots of trans fat.

Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to my wonderful girlfriend Abogada. You are amazing in so many different ways.

Career Decision

I want to be the first law student to become an Arbitrator straight out of law school. I seem to be quite good at getting in the middle of arguments, so getting $400/hr to do it seems the logical choice. Also leading me to this decision is the realization that I look damn good in a 50 gallon styrofoam cowboy hat.

Stop the Presses

Did you hear the news? Axl has finally come out of his 13 year psychosis to release another album. This album better be worth the F'ing wait. Maybe this is all part of Axl's plan to run for president in 2008. He might do a smidge more blow than Dubya, and bed a few more groupies than Clinton, but you havent lived until you hear Axl's State of the Union ballad.

Recharge

Sometimes a day off from studying is the best thing you can do for your life at that moment.

Thats how we do it in International Relations Bitch!

As if there was any doubt that The OC is the greatest show ever, here is more proof.

Wisdom

Writing prof gave us some excellent words of wisdom regarding our trial briefs due tomorrow. In regards to how long to make the brief, she said, "The trial brief is like a mini-skirt. It should be short enough to make things interesting, but long enough to cover the subject."

Lost

"With your feet in the air and your head on the ground." -The Pixies

That about sums up life right now.

Fan Mail

Dear Mick,

After drinking four beers and gorging myself on nachos before halftime, I was already on the edge. I just have one question for you. How did you steal a pair of my girlfriend's pants? Better yet, why where you wearing a shirt sized for a nine year old? I dont want to see a 65 year old woman's midriff, let alone yours. Anyway, you will be happy to know that vomit comes off of suede easily, thanks to the cleaning supplies that Keith was apparently huffing before the show.

I have to tell you, the article i read in GQ last month that stated you've had sex with thousands of girls was full of shit. No consious, willing, adult woman would have sex with a guy wearing pants like that. I guess that brings new meaning to "I cant get no satisfaction."

Nauseously,

Gr8

Floss

After 3 terms of busting my ass, with marginal results, I have officially dubbed this term "The G String" term. Why you ask? Because less is more. No more 14 hour study binges. Instead, I will be binging on all the things I have been missing out like doughnuts, my girlfriend, picking my gigantic nose, working out, cutting down trees, spraying CFC's into the air just cuz i can, and reading Republican Weekly.

Not only will I not arrive to school before anyone else, but I will be at least the 8th person there. Instant Messenger during class, hell yes! When teachers call on me, not only will I ask what page the case is on, but I will refer to each case as the "car" case. That will surely evoke a fun reaction from my professors. Dont believe me? Yesterday I did above mentioned actions when called on, and today the teacher asked me If i wanted him to write me a letter of recommendation. No kidding.

So if you see me in the halls, on instant messenger, sleeping, snorting ground up coffee beans, just keep on walking. There's only enough room for one in this g string.

Get em while their hot

Tickets for the superbowl are in the thousands on ebay. Really, it blows my mind that I cant even give away tickets to the gunshow.

I must have a sign on my head that says call on me because ive been called on in each class today.

What im doing right this second

Curious George wasnt absolutely horrible tonight. To be honest, some parts of his performance have been stellar. Maybe even damn near impressive. But hold on, I said near. While fire and brimstone have not yet fallen upon us, I still have my gripes. Alas, I voted, and im not even sure whether the other dude would have made a difference.

All I know lately is that if i want to wear a sweater vest with my name embroidered on it without having to worry about being called a republican I should be able to in these free united states.

And if Radezzy wants to tell everyone and their mother that he has a condo in the pearl, then its his prerogative. Just please dont tell us when you take the mother home next time. I blew chunks for two hours solid.

Snowy: I havent talked to you much since Brokeback Mountain came out. I know this is close to the time you left to go back to school, but im starting to wonder if it has something to do with the movie.

Law School: you are the bain of my existence, yet without you I wouldnt have met Abogada. So thank you and F Off at the same time.

Anonymous commenters: stick to your new year resolutions and start a blog. That way you can annoy the world without making me check my email everytime.

TV Guide

Tonight at 6 pm p.s.t, on every channel is the preview for the upcoming Curious George movie. Ebert and Roeper contend the movie has all the classic CG qualities; Hypocrisy, Deception, and Lies. This looks like its worth a few laughs folks.

Rant

The interview spots for this weekends Public Interest Career Fair was posted today. Out of 6 applications, I have 1 interview. I am excited, but otherwise feel dissappointed with the system. The other 6 employers I applied to have literally the same people interviewing for each. Even more annoying, I know some of them from class and have a hard time not posturing myself against their abilities.

Either way, the bright side is that I finally have an interview for a prosecution job.

Rejection Letters

Rejection letters are hilarious. One firm declined to offer me a summer position despite my "impressive credentials and work experience." Apparently they were only hiring people with "ridiculously impressive credentials".

Ab Workout

This is the funniest video ive seen in a while. Hat tip to Radeezy for this.

Job Hunting Tip #2358

When sending applications to the Department of Justice in several states, make sure you coverletter does not have typos.

Yet more proof of who wears the pants

Abogada: What you doing this weekend hotstuff?

Me: Gonna watch the superbowl and study. Maybe do 500 crunches.

Abogada: The superbowl isnt this weekend smarty pants.

Me: Its not?

Abogada: No, Feb 5th. Awww. Did you forget to eat your Flintstones today?

Me: Gotta run honey. Gotta cancel the kegs and Midgets.

What do you think?

My heart goes out to the family whose 7 children and now grandfather died as a result of a careless big rig driver. Apparently, the children never had a chance as the rig slammed into the car going 50-65 mph. Upon hearing that 7 of his grandchildren were dead, the victims' grandfather died of a heart attack. Truly a sad story.

The driver of the big rig is hospitalized but will likely live as most often occurs in this situation. My question to you is what is the proper punishment for him? Consider he had two other driving infractions that suggest he was unfit to drive the big rig.

Also, what is the punishment for the company employing him in light of their ignorance or refusal to act accordingly to his prior infractions. Basically, the driver shouldnt have been behind the wheel.

The proper punishment, in my opinion for the driver is life in prison. There is no evidence to suggest that the driver tried to stop (skid marks). He simply wasnt paying attention. A lifetime to think about this is the least justice that can be provided here.

As to the company, here's where my liberal side screams out. How do you deter companies from employing shitty drivers? You fine them. How much? Punitives are efficient to the extent they actually punish the company. Simply, they should be fined to the point of bankruptcy. There is no justification for why lives were lost other than the company and driver's negligence. Other companies will not learn without a lesson being taught. Capitalism might take the back seat to justice here, but in the long run, companies will be safer and more likely to employ safe drivers.

Unless you have another way?

Medium Rare

It's too early in the term to be burnt out, but that hasn't seemed to register with my brain. I can barely look at a book long enough to skim every other line. I dont even read for Crim Pro anymore, and we're only 2 weeks into the term. I just cant do it.

Searching for work is more draining that studying. I haven't gotten any responses yet so my paranoia keeps me looking for more work. The only think that hasn't suffered yet is my workout routine. What is wrong with me? Do any 2.6L's feel this way also?

I'm not sure that taking time off will solve this. In fact, im sure that this is directly related to studying so hard last term only to find mediocre grades.

The weird thing about all of this is that im not unhappy, just annoyed with studying. Sometimes I really wonder if I should have pursued my singing career.

What is all the fuss about?

I finally got to Roe v. Wade, 1.5 years into my law school career. What a let down. I knew the gist of the case, but was expecting a more elaborate opinion, protester comments, bible throwers, pictures of fetuses, etc.

Toying with the idea of making T-Shirts that say, "I read Rowe v. Wade and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."* Dont steal my idea please, I plan on retiring with this one.

*I was joking, but if you really want one, send me $49.95 and I will make one personally. And I will have Abogada sleep in it for one night which judging by the amount of creepy guys at Cooley, should allow me to sell approximately 4,543 shirts, including one to Mr. Le Duc himself.

Debate This

My father and I have been debating genetics vs. environment for a while now. I used to think that hard work could replace any lack of brains that a person might have. I have since changed my opinion regarding this matter.

I still believe that hard work can definitely compensate for a lack of brain power, but cannot overcome less hard work matched with more brain power. Proof: I worked harder than 99% of my colleagues and didnt do as well. Dont get me wrong, I do not think that I am some type of moron. I just dont have a more plausible expanation for the outcome.

Do you?

The A team

Congrats to my girlfriend Abogada for getting an A in evidence. Out of 180 people she was 3rd. Thats a gold medal in my book. Pardon me if none of you are invited to the medal ceremony.

Role reversal

I do believe that my girlfriend just blogged about having road rage. I cant help but laugh as I am about to pop in The OC i recorded from a couple of nights ago. Who wears the pants around here?

Funny Case for Law Students

Read this opinion if you get a chance. The judge is hilarious.

Bradshaw v. Unity Marine Corp., Inc.

147 F.Supp.2d 668

Thanks Pfizer

I sat down to eat with my mom and the public television channel was airing a special in Dating after 40. At first it was no problem. All this talk about meeting at large group outings, drinking, dancing, and of course conversation. The next segment damn near turned my face into cherry jello. Did you know that 40+ year olds are sexually active? I sure as hell didnt. I thought that stuff ended when you get married like they say. So here I am sitting with my mom, while 50,60,70, and 80 year olds talk about swinging, making love face to face, enjoying eachother's genitalia, and listening to Kenny G while lying on a bear skinned rug. No joke. That was the fastest and longest dinner of my adult life.

Take a closer look

I was having a pretty crappy day for no specific reason whatsoever. Sure, things are rough, but something always is in life. Then I went to the gym, where I usually blow off my steam. I was playing basketball when one of the guys playing had a really bad epileptic seizure. I felt horrible for him. Basically, I am selfish for thinking that I have it rough. Sometimes though, I just need a reminder that life is pretty good. It is unfortunate though, of the things that often remind us of that.

Try

I've learned lately that in life you can give your all, which sometimes will be enough to achieve your dreams, and sometimes falls fatally short. The point is that your dreams should be flexible and cover as many bases as you can, or life will probably be one big dissappointment.

More proof that I am dating the smartest cheerleader on earth

Just because you cant see me doesnt mean i cant see you

Why is every class really a front for constitutional law? I cant stand constitutional law. Its just not my cup of tea. I thought for sure that Crim Pro would be less constitutional and more F'ed up criminals, but its not. And I also have con law 2 this term. Im just afraid that when i take secured transactions next semester, it will really be constitutional secured transactions.

You cant make this crap up

When attending my weekly meeting with my image consultants this week, it has come to our attention that without the creation of more adversity, my future memoirs to be released in print, dvd, braille, and broadway play, would be devastatingly boring. My image consultants did what any right minded image consultants would do in this situation. So, when I went to get my financial aid check this morning, it was only 1/4th as big as I was counting on. I am officially broke. I plan to put this excellent chapter right in between chapter 1: growing up short and jewish, and chapter 3: White men can jump?

24

I just watched the first half of the season premiere of 24 and im hooked. Just what I needed, another show to watch.

Dream Job

I want to be his attorney on this case. Then I can blackmail him into getting the greatest band in the world hands down back together and like would be guns n fucking roses great again.

I'd like to thank the academy

Wow. 30,000 hits on this blog. I never saw this day coming. Thanks I guess. Really though, I dont want readers leaving comments down the road about how much of their life they wasted reading this trash.

Friday Night

I sitting here blogging about not being able to do anything. My girlfriend lives 2000 miles away, my bank account is empty, and I have already excercised enough this week. What to do? Suggestions are appreciated.

On a more positive note, I mailed 23 resumes out today. Not bad. Thanks to the government for raising postage again. Props to the registar's office for inputting my C in Civ Pro grade just in time for the weekend. Its nice to start the weekend off poorly that way things can only go up from there.

I need more ideas for songs to download.

I also need cash. Maybe songs about cash.

Dry

And one last rant. Purchased my books today.
$523 dollars.

Job Hunting

Job hunting is discouraging to say the least. My old firm decided to let me know that my grades weren't good enough two months after I should have been applying everywhere else. I suppose that is my fault for not being proactive about the job search.

Writing a good cover letter sucks. Why cant you just fill out a standard form for each employer, put it into a database and let the chips fall where they may? I'm thinking about covering my cover letter with some Miracle whip for that zing it supposedly has.

Alito eats the Frito

I'm back folks. No longer will you need to scour the archives in search for you daily fix of 2Cents. Michigan was awesome and my girlfriend had to pry me off of her beautiful body when the airline announced my flight was leaving. It amazes me how one person can affect so intimately how much home really feels like home. Technically I am home, but I am homesick without her.

I am motivated for a fresh new start on law school and my search for summer employment. For those of you who wanted the whiny old 2Cents posts check back in a few weeks when I am even more miserable without Abogada. Until then, time to get er done.

Over it

After a three day, 12 dozen krispy kreme induced coma, I am over the bad news. In fact im effing excited to look for a new gig. It might not pay better, but everything happens for a reason, and I willingly invite this new change into my life. Other than being broke, this could turn out to be the best news so far.

Number 1 reason why technology sucks

I hadn't checked my school email for some reason. Subconsiously there was a reason why. The firm decided not to extend me an offer for next summer despite my "impressive performance" last summer. Back to the drawing board.

Black by popular demand

Well hello my friends. Its been a while since we talked. In fact, the last time we talked I was not halfway done with law school. But I am now. And you know how it feels? Great. Better yet, Fucking great. Now its time to get to the stuff that really matters. Dont expect much posting in the next few weeks. Tootles.

It all makes sense now

While I usually resort to blaming my bad moods on a combination of law school, lack of fiber, GWB, or Radar's Condo in the pearl, I have recently discovered the omnipotent excuse.

As I was opening today's mail, I received my donor card from the Red Cross for donating blood a couple of months ago. Taking a close look at my card, I noticed that my blood type written on there was O negative. O negative? WTF. I DONT HAVE HAPPY BLOOD. HOORRAY!

My entire life I was told my blood was B positive. B positive is that sweater wearing know it all who raises his hand and then tells the class he has a question before asking the damn question. B positive is that "Sounds like someone has a case of the monday's" Chick from Office Space.

After running up and down the street screaming "My blood is cranky" for a half hour, I thought about calling GWB to tell him the great news. Then I realized that he was probably already listening, and that there was no need to waste the phone call.

So the next time you ask if im hungry "or something", I will officially be authorized to whip out my blood card and smack you for asking me such stupid question. Of course im hungry, and of course im cranky, and of course Radar's condo smells like fish.

Laffy Taffy

When relieving post-finals stress, most have the traditional get crunk method. Me, im one of those guys who secretly likes to shop. Nothing, other than some cuddle time with Abogada relaxes me more than being balls deep in a new pair of Sevens. Perhaps a new pair of basketball shoes. So after my last final on Thursday, look for me at the mall, dropping so many Hamiltons they call me Aaron Burr.

And before you throw stones, just know, there are more like me.

The cat lady

Its been a long week, so I rented a movie. Though this wasnt any movie, it was "The Island". Now what better way to unwind than to watch a movie alluding the ethics of cloning. I think cloning should be allowed but only so that our clones can be sent it for law exams. Wait. I didnt really think that out but I dont want to delete it. Just pretend that our clones could be made after we attended each semester and then they could go into finals with all of our knowledge, while the real "us'" could go to the bar and get crunk. Maybe perhaps a little pregame with abogada and her clone...

My humps

Im going to bed early on a friday night because I still have two finals left. Everyone else except for CW is done. I wont be done for another week. Happy relaxing to all. Congrats on another term done. Pretty soon, we can buy ourselves a ticket outta the ghetto.

How you know when its time to leave the library for the day.

When someone with a mohawk walks in.

The rabbit chases the carrot

From a psychology perspective, it is readily apparrent why law school turns people into the cliche lawyers. Throughout the semester, there is this lull of reading, and passiveness that creates a backdrop for the intense frenzy that final exams create. As the semester winds down, students are abruptly awakened by the impending crush of finals. 15+ weeks crushed into 3 hours. 3 hours on material that may (or may not) be what the teacher said would be there. 300+ other peers all fighting for that coveted top quartile even though your school contends they are "not competitive". 50 page outlines, better yet 100 page outlines distilled into 3 page attack outlines. Caffeine flows freely from any barista within 50 miles of the law school. Palms sweat as each student strives for the one thing that will validate all their work; An A. When that A doesnt come for some, what else validates your existence? Your peers either laud your mediocre standing or your are despised by your peers for being unworthy of their intellectual prowess. Interviewers reject your resume, never minding your otherwise stellar credentials. You are not one of them they muse. You are somehow different, as if having a life suddenly did become a crime.

And yet they wonder why you are the way you are. You chose to go to law school they say. At least you will earn gobs of money they say. Mental Midgets, its no price for this hell.

Happy studying all.

Funny Quote

Seen on the dry erase board by the cafeteria:

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in school".

Civ Pro

Had a computer scare partly through the exam. My wordprocessing program froze and shut down. Luckily the autosave program caught what I had written. Ran outta time on the last question after taking too long on the rest of the questions. Took the rest of the day off.

Updizzles for my nizzles

With finals starting tomorrow I am all tapped out. Exhausted, I am going to bed early so I can get a full 9 hours sleep. Wish me luck. I dont really have anything creative or funny to say, except that you are lucky I dont charge you to read this blog. Is that arrogant? No. Arrogance would be if I accepted cash only.


Good luck on finals to all.

Wilted

Once you've stopped and smelled the roses, you will realize that reality is no more than a hollow shell of your perception. Without this perception, you are unaware that you are unhappy.

Study Block

I cant seem to get myself to study today. Motivation wont make me. Fear rears its ugly head but I quickly dismiss it. 5 days till exams and who am I to just chill. Rather, crunch time took on a new meaning today. I went to the gym, lifted, ran a mile, did some crunches, and then played basketball for a couple hours. If I can move tomorrow, I am def going to the lib.

I'll cry if i want to

The balls are officially silver today. Abogada sent me a cake made with prune juice and topped with Ensure frosting. Thanks to my loved ones for making this a good one, and ive only been up for 2 hours.

Reset

After an almost complete day off, resulting in a good workout and much deserved Tv time, I am back in the library for arguably the toughest week of law school- The week before finals. This is the time of reckoning, the time where the previous 3 months culminate into a morbid attempt to load massive amounts of information into your head, all the while protecting the information already in there from flying out. Im ready for this. Good luck to all my loved ones who are hitting the books this week also. It shall pay off soon.

Survey Says

What does a fish-smelling, studio condo in a rich neighborhood say about a person?

• 2 people said that the owner probably makes love to large fish or even whales without his friends knowing.
• 3 people concurred with above opinion but added that the owner probably pours fish oil all over himself while watching Richard Simmons videos.
• 5 people laughed too hard to answer the question.
• 1 republican looked shocked that i knew his boyfriend.
• 22 PETA members beat me with my clipboard and demanded said owner's address "to free their aquatic friends".
• 1 person, beat all the PETA members wearing Kanye West's fur coat from his Gold Digger video, while singing blame it on the rain.
• 33 people overwhelmingly said the owner is probably just compensating for a lack of something.

Update: Michael Jackson just emailed me back and weighed in on the survey. Im quoting folks. "And you think im fucked up?.."

Nerdy Jokes du jour

Is an attack outline's propensity to attack admissible to show that it cut my finger under the Federal Rules of Evidence?


What is stuffy, looks like a martha stewart living room, and smells like fish?


For these answers and condescending hygiene tips, meet me on the ninth green at 9pm.

Today

Flipper

1. Orange Wifebeater: $6
2. 4 years of public university tuition after scholarship: $2k
3. Coke Bottle glasses discarded for new metro looking frames: $30
4. New wardrobe to shake townie image: $300
5. Setting yourself back 5 years of hard work in 5 hours by throwing raw fish fillets all over your condo while blacked out.

Priceless...

I woulont say im missing it Bob

Memorable thing that happened over the break:

I took my girl to her first ever sushi bar and ordered all kinds of good sushi. She loved it. Radeezy, although not present, was so worked up about not going with us, he purchased 5 pounds of fish filets and decorated his condo in the pearl with them after blacking out from drinking. So now if you go to his pad, the fishy smell can finally be blamed on the fish. Dare I say Rehab anyone?

PS. Im sick and have too much to study, so dont expect too much posting.

PSS. Screw you if you read this blog and comment anonymous.

Gobble Gobble

Twas a fun 10 days with the little lady. Ate lots of turkey, saw the sights. It was good having two of my lady and Ares here to share thanksgiving with. Now back to the books. This will be a rough three weeks, but once its done, I will be halfway done with law school.

Happy Turkey Day Everybody

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Happy

The Woman is here and life is good...

Brain Puzzler

Why does writing on the bathroom wall only address sex and politics?

Blasted

Things I highly reccomend you abstain from:

1. Surfing the net during class.
2. Surfing the net during class while having only skimmed a case.
3. Getting called on by tough prof that is out for blood.
4. Asking the prof which page the case is on when he calls on you.
5. Saying i dont know to his first 5 questions.
6. Having brilliant co counsel elected on your behalf because of your gross incompetence.
7. Spending the rest of the day at the law school being sarcastically congratulated by overachieving 1L's who think you are a moron.
8. Capping of this wonderful day with cheap Chinese food.

It takes two

The number two is significant today in many ways:

1. Only Two days till my princess arrives.
2. Radeezy will tell each person he talks to today that he lives in the pearl. Twice.
3. Snowy will wake up and realize that his body is only number two, behind Petey.
4. Puddles will wish he had gone number two on the sleeping porch so his nickname wouldnt be puddles.
5. CW will exclaim that he is not number 2, but actually number 1 in the category of best litigator while wearing chaps.
6. Ares.. well, this is a kids blog and you already know where im going with this. See #4 for inspiration.
7. The number of minutes I have wasted typing this blog.

And then there were three...

The countdown is coming to our final three. No, Snowy, not the countdown for the top three roid freaks of the Teke house. Im talking about 3 days till my princess arrives. I cant wait. In fact Radeezy was so excited about my excitement, he crashed his car. 10 minutes later, he left the scene of the accident with a neckache and the other accident victims knew he lived in a condo in the pearl. Im guessing its the third thing he says to Abogada right after "Nice to meet you, and Too bad Alex snagged you." Puddles appears to have dropped of the face of this earth, or in other words, he is now a typical Californian and thinks there are no other states in the US.CW is still the best texan litigator stuck in a cold midwest metropolis, and im sure the judges were impressed by the 30 gallon hat he wore during the entire trial. The cap gun solidified the authenticity. Did I leave anyone else out?

Retraction

It is not everyday that you will get a public retraction from such a famous news and entertainment source. But here at 2Cents we aim to please, and want only to disseminate correct information. We would hereby like to retract our earlier statement that Abogada likes David Hasselhoff. Our mistake. In fact when she said that she liked David Hasselhoff, in actuality, she really mean to say David Duchovny (pronounced Duke of Knee). Unfortunately, being the kind boyfriend, I willingly took back the David Hasselhoff chaps and matching chest hair. Alas, the costume shop would not take it back due to the fact that that the fake chest hair was missing. Now im not saying that I pranced around the room wearing fake chest hair and pink underwear while impersonating the finest talent to grace Baywatch's set, but you get the picture.

Needless to say, I will still be showing up at the airport, sans Hasselhoff costume, but unless you have superglue remover, the chest hair is here to stay.

I am late for class.

4 days

My chick really loves David Hasselhoff so Ive been at the costume shop looking for a costume to wear while greeting her at the airport on Saturday.

In the meantime I have been outlining like crazy. This term I am making my own outlines, which is far different than I have done in the past. Part of the reason for this is my school doesnt have good SBA outlines like my former. I have nothing to rely on here except my own 2 cents (pardon the pun). The pressure appears to be mounting, but nothing makes for a good stress reliever like having your hot girlfriend fly in from Michigan for ten days to shower me with gifts, kisses, and Evidence notes.

Anyway, I hope she likes the outfit. Back to studying.

Reason # 1,233 why I love my girlfriend

She's cool under pressure. She's the only law student I know that isn't worried about Evidence. That's talent folks.

Take a walk on the wild side (Not the marky mark song)

I would much prefer if the Federal Rules of Evidence were really the Feral Rules of Evidence like I typed in class today. Maybe then the class would be more interesting, or we would have been given a prof that had a pulse on his last doctor visit.

The best damn litigators period.

Props to my boy Chris Wall and his girl Carly for winning the Moot Court Competition. 1st place out of 88 teams is something to be really proud about. Congrats!

Rant

The absolute thing I hate the most about becoming a lawyer is not being able to turn it off when I'm not supposed to use it.

Fin

Does a nervous breakdown actually have to be manifested outwardly to occur? Law school has its moments when you cannot decipher whether you are really crazy or just imagining that your are as a result of the stress from studying.

Im not really sure, but I think I have lost it.

You are girly man

There are few things funnier than walking into the restroom and catching a law student flexing in front of the mirror.

Can you smell the holidays?

"The holidays at Starbucks are all about enjoying traditions and connecting with friends and family," said Jim Alling, president of Starbucks North America. "For our customers, that means gathering at their local Starbucks coffeehouse to connect over a hot cup of Starbucks(R) Christmas Blend coffee in our signature red cups to savor the warmth, magic and reprieve that are found there during the holidays."

Nothing unites a family like overcharging for coffee so that they go broke and forced to live together. How ingenious. NOW SHELL OUT 5 BUCKS FOR A LATTE BITCHES.

Who smokes the bluntz.. We smokes the bluntz

Lets throw another one into the mix. Lets say that Kanye West, Terell Owens, and Tom Cruise were locked in a room and had to fight. Who wins? Assume Kanye can only use lyrical bombs, Tom Cruise can only spout Scientology prose, and Terell Owens is limbless but not bleeding.

AN ALbum Cover

Who is more annoying? Kanye Ingoramus West or Terell STFU Owens

Discuss.

I believe the french call it cliche

I would say that 2L is no different of a hell than 1L but that would be old hat. I would also say that waiting for a job offer when everyone else around already has one is equally shitty. The last thing I want to do is turn this blog into a forum for my bitching and moaning.

Winning the lottery

Having a long distance relationship is hard. But when you meet the right woman, it can become the very thing you look forward to the most in life. I am fortunate to have met the hottest, sweetest cheerleader/lawstudent who just so happens to be visiting me in 10 days. As if that wasnt the cool enough already, she is staying for 10 days also. It will be cool to introduce her to my family and friends, and spend Turkey day with her. I cant wait...

I wont stand for Cooley Bashing

Feel free to prank this sorry fuck.

25k

The 25,000th reader gets dinner for two with Snowy. Perhaps a nice romantic dinner in the Eiffel Tower?

Red Balls

Im getting to the point now where caffeine just wont cut it. Any suggestions?

In the closet

I just finished reading an illegal immigrant case and concurred with the decision. Then i looked at who wrote it. Rehnquist. Im even having a hard time convincing myself these days. Here's the bait piggies. Or should I say elephants?

caffeine

is a hell of a drug

Dog Tired

Life is good, and getting better fast. My woman is coming to visit for 10 days in less than two weeks. How cool is that?

Spent the weekend in Seattle with Ares and Radeezy. It was good to see Ares as its been almost 8 months since we left our old law school to transfer. It was also kind of cool seeing what would have been my apartment had I gone to school up there. Nevertheless, the Beavers kicked the crap outta the Huskies, even if it was only with field goals. Probably the wettest game ive been to.

Radeezy thought it would be fun to ruffle up some old guys talking shit to him. Little did he know he would cut his finger slapping a 55 year old man. Radeezy, here's to you for being the silver ruffian. If I ever get jumped by a gang of octegenarians, im calling you first to protect me.

Ares did his part in supporting the Beavs by running his mouth also. Its nice to see someone put some love in another conference. Thanks for a fun weekend Bro.

Abogada, thanks for the conversation saturday night. One of my all time favorites.

Found a new accoustic version of November rain, and a glass full of coffee.

Life is good.

Hearsay Exceptions Made Fun

The Hearsay Exceptions Video. Hat tip to WWFFD.

HOME DEPOsition

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- Home Depot was sued by a shopper from a Kentucky store who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with glue.

Bob Dougherty, 57, accused employees of ignoring his cries for help for about 15 minutes because they thought he was kidding.

"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The Daily Camera, of Boulder. "They just let me rot."

The lawsuit, filed Friday, said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery and thought he was having a heart attack when he got stuck at the store in Louisville, Colorado, on the day before Halloween 2003.

A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk by radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax," the lawsuit said.


The lawsuit said store officials called for an ambulance after about 15 minutes.

Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat, and Dougherty, "frightened and humiliated," passed out as they wheeled him out of the store, court papers said. The toilet seat separated from his skin, leaving abrasions.

"This is not Home Depot's fault," Dougherty said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me."

college

The hardest part of growing up is realizing that not all of your friends are along for the ride. Some prefer to keep reliving their college days perpetually. Eventually you have to cut the cord and when you finally do, life will change. Probably for the better. I love my college friends, but the one's who still want to live it get less of my time. The few who want to make their lives wholesome and productive get the little free time I have when im not in school. Why couldn't I have stayed a Toys r us kid?

Doctor

My Dr. stood me up today due to "weather" related delays. I will show you weather related. I think due to the "weather" I will be emailing him the questions I had, and will not be seeing him for my last $300 pointless visit. And next time i break my leg, i will just look online on how to fix it. If I havent said it before, if you can make it through your first year of law school, you basically have the authority to do anything.

Sweater Vested Remainder

I passed by a studyroom and saw some 1L's doing some future interest problems on the whiteboard. How f'ing thankful am I that I got through it? Its crazy to think a year ago at this time that was little ol' me doing the same thing. How f'ing pointless..

Bumper sticker for GWB

"WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB SO WE CAN
HAVE HIM IMPEACHED?"

How you know you have a good woman

When she quotes Guns N Roses during pillow talk. That is hot.

Frazzle Rock

The 1L's are freaking out. Two weeks ago they were all happy, going out 5 days a week, lest they study for a brief second before class. Now they are scared shitless with the reality that exams are less than 5 weeks away. I probably didn't help things much by turning in my client letter and last memo in to my writing teacher 3 weeks early. My class pretty much hates me for that and guess what. I dont care. I have 5 weeks to study 4 classes.

Winter Recipe

Directions for making an egg nog latte:
1)Make 2 shots espresso.

2)Foam 3oz egg nog.

3) Throw out above ingredients, head to your local starbucks and make my stock rise, dammit.