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What should I be for halloween?

Tom Cruise Risky Business Sexy Cheerleader Notoriously successful accountant with a penchant for wearing fruit loop colored wifebeaters

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I've written three posts today but deleted them as they just didnt spit out what i wanted to say. So anyway, happy thursday everybody. Tomorrow is another mini-graduation of this thing i like to call law school. Stay classy.

PS. I need more halloween ideas.

So far im leaning towards: Risky Business outfit.

My hero

Do you want conservative, quiet Jim?

Or Agressive, meathead Jim?

Under the bridge

The most intriguing thing about life to me is how unpredictable it is. We all have visions of the future, but I have been consistently amazed, and humbled, at how often my life completely changes.

I fell in love with a new city this weekend- Seattle. The atmosphere, the culture, the people, and the chance to start fresh but still remain close to my family and friends. Perhaps a job awaits me there?

This weekend also saw my Beavers beat UW by 10 after starting the game as 11 point underdogs. The Beavers looked persistent, a character trait that is obviously omnipotent in any application.

Spent time with some good friends, ones that will always be close at hand. It was only a matter of time before their perspectives and positive outlooks rubbed off on me. Many recent wounds have been mended, especially with their help.

I am a changed man. A centered man. More importantly, I am smiling, looking forward to what the future holds.

Everyone loves a townie!

See you at tha Crossroads

I briefly spoke with Kobe's agent today. He gave me some encouraging and helpful advice on becoming a sports agent.

The gravity of the next few months is starting to weigh in. By March I need to figure out which bar im going to take.

Off to Washington to see my Beavers stomp some Husky pride. Stay classy.

Halloween 2006

The perfect costume is proving elusive to me this year. This is what i have so far. Any suggestions?

• Tom Cruise Risky Business
• Naughty Cheerleader
• Naughty ________

Cha-Ching

In pursuit of a sports law job, yours truly has an informational interview with the agent of none other than THE KOBE BRYANT. Go me. Its my birthday.

Your momma dont dance and your daddy dont rock in roll.

A lawyer lectured today in sports law about a high-profile drug testing case he argued before the US Supreme Court. When asked what it was like arguing in front of the Supremes, he replied, "Just like arguing in regular court, except with sour cream and tomatoes on it."

Discuss.

The most important question you have ever been asked

Is it Black-Magic woman, or a Black, Magic-Woman?

ciao bella

Sometimes the right thing to do is to say goodbye.

Go Beavs

I met with Career Services to talk about the job market. I was greeted with encouraging news which was exactly the shot in the arm I needed. Also, I registered a couple student bar associations to boost my networking skillz. Not to be confused with my bow staff skills, or my numchuck [sic] skills.

Im off to see the new Jack Nicholson flick, then tomorrow to see my Beavers stomp (yah right) the Cougars. Have a safe weekend everybody.

Alright. Good talk.

Im done with the woe is me plight. Sorry for those who have endured my whining for so long. Time to look forward to whats to come. Ive been doing a ton of soul-searching and im ready to make myself happy again. Sorry to those ive hurt with my selfishness, and thank you to all who have supported me thus far. Expect good things from here on out. Good things.

Giffy

This is how i feel today. Need i say more?

The job search.

Its kind of strange how your best intentions can sometimes turn out the opposite of how you planned. You may have seen your life going in one direction only to find it twisting another. The job search has been fruitless so far so I have expanded my search to many other states. Perhaps my future job lies in Chicago, California, Arizona, Texas, Ohio or Washington?

Morte

If you dont believe love is dead, watch 8 minutes of The Bachelor.

Youre in the jungle baby.

Some people never get to realize their life long dreams. I, dear readers am not one of them. Today i guaranteed that #6 on my list is assured: Seeing Guns N Roses live. December 11, 2006. Happy Birthday to me.

It's funny how some names fit comfortably right next to McMullet

Pearl of Wisdom

Time OUt

Terrell Owens is the biggest attention whore ever. If he really thinks he's depressed, maybe he should try reading Administrative Law.

Sometimes an outer spoon just wants to be held

If for some reason I dont like practicing law, i've thought about writing romance novels. I mean how hard can it be. Oops. We accidentally have a title for my first novel. "How Hard Can it Be?"

Daily dose of Irony

Entertainment Law is fucking boring.

Guess who's back bitches?!!

Guns N' Roses relights fire
Axl Rose leads a solid revamped lineup that wins over some but not all of wee-hour fans at marathon KROQ show.

By Ann Powers, Times Staff Writer

"I see fire!" said W. Axl Rose as he peered out at the masses filling the huge Hyundai Pavilion in San Bernardino. He'd spotted a small conflagration somewhere past the loge area, which was soon extinguished. But Rose, the singer and proprietor of the concept called Guns N' Roses, might have been articulating his hopes for the band's first Southern California appearance in 14 years - a nervy homecoming that could have proved disastrous, but five songs in, was going all right.Rose did bring the fire, but it wasn't always reciprocated by the fans, who'd been at the amphitheater all day Saturday to witness KROQ's annual Inland Invasion fest. After sets by arena-rock aspirants including Avenged Sevenfold, 30 Seconds to Mars, Papa Roach and Muse, plus the poignant return of grunge standard-bearers Alice in Chains (with solid new singer William DuVall replacing the deceased Layne Staley, and Chester Bennington of Linkin Park jumping out for a cameo), tens of thousands of black-clad beer drinkers were primed for GNR's onslaught of heavy-metal parking-lot hits. They didn't even riot when Rose took an extra hour to get onstage (around 1 a.m.). But GNR's two-hour set, which relied primarily those hits, only held half the room, as others fled when Rose tried new material or gave one of his three guitarists a lengthy chance to stretch.

Those who stayed enjoyed a rejuvenated Rose. In 2002, when he last unshackled GNR from the studio sessions for the perpetually delayed "Chinese Democracy" album, Rose wasn't really ready to tour: his pipes were rusty, his physique chunky, and his band unable to click. He proved free of those ills this time as he howled through such barn-burners as "Mr. Brownstone" and "It's So Easy" or mid-tempo epics including "November Rain," hitting even the high notes.Still sporting that baffling corn-row ponytail and looking tight around the forehead, the 44-year-old Rose nonetheless reclaimed his mojo. Big rock gestures drew attention to his agility: his patented snake dance, now more of a big-cat prowl but still commanding; speedy runs down the long side-stage ramps; even a leap atop the baby grand as Dizzy Reed (the only band member from GNR's glory days) played the rolling, unreleased ballad "The Blues."Rose's theatrics verged on mugging, but were perfectly timed.

There was a bit of Sinatra-in-Vegas in his approach: Rose is aware that, this late in his career, his gestures could seem hardened, so he throws in a little emotional distance to epoxy the hits his way.What's grown more flexible is Rose's relationship to his band - always an autocracy, but now one that leaves a little room for his subordinates to relax. Guitarist Robin Finck, in particular, has grown toward something like equality with Rose; his solos flashed and bubbled, deviating enough from ex-GNR lead guitarist Slash's style that they gave hope that the new Guns N' Roses is becoming more than a replicant. The other two guitarists, Richard Fortus and Ron Thal, demonstrated killer chops but less brio, mostly hewing to notes that replicated the original versions. Still, when Fortus and Finck turned Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" into a sky-is-crying style blues, Slash's memory was almost - not quite - washed away.

That guitar interlude was one of many allowing Rose to exit the stage, presumably to rest his voice and maybe slap Sebastian Bach on the back. (The Skid Row singer joined Rose onstage in a chummy run-through of GNR's "My Michelle.") His costume changes, though simpler than Mariah Carey's, were just as frequent, and those absences affected the set's pace. The crowd's mood also sank when the "new" material surfaced. It's not that the prickly "Better" or the abstract but promising "I.R.S." were weak; they just couldn't match the excitement of "Sweet Child O' Mine," songs that reinvented the power ballad, or the exquisitely bittersweet "Patience." Those certified classics got the throng singing, which energized the band, the electricity trickling up until Rose himself gained another layer of rock-star aura.

A few fans could be spotted singing along with the night's four unreleased songs; they're easily available on the Internet. "You downloading ... - you're responsible for putting us on this gig," Rose chuckled in a rare bit of stage patter. GNR doesn't need Internet buzz to attract fans, any more than Bob Dylan does, but if Rose needs to believe online buzz is bringing GNR back into the light, let him fool himself. Maybe he'll put "Chinese Democracy" up on iTunes.

Newtons Law

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think-something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

Right.

Because it will get ripped out

Spring Break Thailand!

The scary part is her routine consisted of chasing customers around the club yelling "you cannot run from The Claw!"

If you dont think that's funny, youre an uptight loser and probably dont find four grown men wearing superhero underoos while playing volleyball and acting out a homo-erotic scene from Top Gun funny.

Is everybody really happy, or just a lot better than me at hiding their real emotions?

Kiss my ass

Today is the first day of Love Sucks Month. Celebrate in style by telling the cutest couple you know to fuck off.

How much would you pay for this?

Rattle and Hum, Song 18

Bitter, party of 1

They say its better to have loved and lost than not to love at all. That is the biggest crock of shit ever. The new motto: its better not to love at all, so you dont feel your heart break.

Tuesday Wednesday break my heart

Too much going on to concentrate on school. Maybe tomorrow.

hi

you'll have to excuse the light posting, ive been busy not giving a shit. Classes are fun this term, except for Admin. In more exciting news, our school is remodeling the bathrooms, so I might enjoy my daily leaks more than i already do.

Trainwreck

I wasnt supposed to see that. Things would have been much better if I hadn't. But you cant change the past. All thats left if to sift through the mangled future.

Motivation

The title of this post suggests a rant will follow about how motivation will triumph over all. Nope. I have pretty much lost all motivation to post anything that takes effort on here. Instead, I will attempt to amuse you with stupid anecdotes and pearls of wisdom. Occassionally, even a funny video clip like this. If you learn one lesson from this video (and there are many), its that you shouldnt date a girl who dresses like a skank. That and try to fight 10 bouncers after drinking waaay too much.

Tooting my own horn

Sometimes you need a pick me up. This is mine.

To my readers

Sorry for the lack of posting. This has been a really sad summer. More to come in a couple of weeks when school starts again. Until then, I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable August.

You cant handle the truth.

I really dont have much to say. Some might find that unbelievable. Cali was hot and humid.

The Hills are alive

Whoever said that MTV was not good for teaching life's lessons was full of shit. After watching 3 episodes of "the Hills" I have learned one of life's most important lessons:

Women would rather date hairy, unattractive losers, who have good fashion sense, rather than successful men.


Prove me wrong. I dare you.

Happy Birthday

True to form, I missed this blogs birthday. So happy belated 2nd birthday blog. Consequently, the blog is now in its terrible twos so expect terrible posts. In fact, if you have something you want me to write about on this blog, send it to me and I will write about it; terriblely.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

When you get hungry, eat.

Hat tip to Abogada for this link.

PS. This doesnt change anything. He is still the greatest rocker ever.

Charles H. Norris

He aint no Dwayne Wade but he still macks.

Only in Europe

How about Monopoly-Mud Wrestling?

The Stuff we used to eat back in the day

For the Mike Tyson's Punchout Fans.

Deep Thoughts

Yours truly got a photo radar ticket for turning right on a red light. To make matters worse, the fine was $242. I was hell bent on fighting it until I noticed the citation had a little weblink at the bottom where I could watch the alleged infraction. Needless to say, after watching the video I can no longer call the alleged infraction "alleged" and must now call it an infraction. I never thought a quote from Terminator 2 would ring so true, "In the end, the machines win."

[update: i tried to post the link but it wouldnt work. You will just have to take my word for it that I ran the red. Or i could be lying about it to make you think that I am a badass.]

Dwayne Wade for Pres-o-dent

I studied less this term and my grades went up. By a lot. Go figure.

Wah-Wah

I cant catch a break. First Tom Cruise goes nuts, now J.J. Redick gets arrested for DWI. I have no celebrity look-alikes left that arent weird or criminals.

Funny Clip

W at his finest.

The thing i hate the most about law school/being a lawyer is the lack of patience it leaves me for the rest of my life.

ARR

You'll have to excuse the light blogging. I've been busy with the Applebees Pirate Song stuck in my head.

Update

The new job is going well. Lots of new areas of law im enjoying. Other than that, not much else new. Summer is a blog killer.

Ignore this post

Dwane Wade is the new Jack Bauer. I dont care what anybody says. Including Chuck Norris.

Update

Two grades back so far. Did well in Tax and received Honors in Legal Writing. If the rest of my grades are as good as these two, im going to be valedictorian. Tomorrow is my first day at the new firm. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer.

Haters

Its kind of sad how many haters there are in this world. I suppose not all of us can be successful and happy, but every now and then im suprised as to how many haters there really are around us. Every walk of life has haters. For one reason or another these people would love to see you fall. But you wont, and they know that. So they remain bitter and determined to bring you down.

MI3

I caved and saw Mission Impossible 3. Great action movie. So good I almost forgot how weird Tom really is in real life. Also thought it was really strange that the character cast as his wife in the movie looks a lot like Katie Holmes.

Happy Mother's Day

I didnt forget about you guys, I just dont have much to say. Happy Mother's Day.

Deal or No deal?

Last final of 2L today. Need I say more?

Getting ready to break the ice

All in all I would have to say it was pretty good. Not bad, not okay, but pretty good. It lasted longer than I thought it would, and I defininitely benfitted by the the work I put in before hand. It was definitely intense. I broke a sweat and was left feeling satisifed and hollow all at the same time. Regardless, it had to be done, and I am now ready to move on. If i could only forget...

(Thoughts either about last night with Anonymous' mom, or my tax final today)

Taxes are for Canadians

Federal Income Taxation is the worst class ever. Anyone who understands this class should be immediately shipped to Siberia for a reality check. Im pretty sure even Jack Bauer would get his ass kicked by this class.

Also a special hippie fuck you to this school for making me park really fucking far away so you can have that pity party called graduation. I hope someone farts and it lingers while you all bask in yesterday's glory. Fuck you. Fuck tax.

Tax Final

I have decided to forego studying for Federal Income tax in lieu of answering every questions with a tax cliche. For example, I plan on answering most of the exam with, "The only sure thing in life is death and taxes."

What if taxes caused death? Is that a casualty loss under IRC Section 165? Can I deduct the cost of my tuition for this class as a useless expense under IRC Section 411? Aha, that was a red herring folks. There is no "useless expense" under "the Code" as us tax experts like to call it.

This term has been one big waste of my time. Working is far better than studying Tax. For those of you not in law school that would like to experience a day as a hippie law student studying Federal Income Tax follow these directions:
1) find nearest corn field.
2) remove underpants (including briefs, thongs, gstrings, bloomers, chastity belts)
3) Run backwards through field at full speed.
4) Repeat until bled dry

Finals

The scariest moment for a law student is having a question on the final that the teacher didnt cover in class. Even scarier is when the question is 100% of your final grade.

Piso Mojado

Today I am off protesting the unethical treament of law students. Join me in solidarity. Who's with me?

Studying

If you want a short study break, take a gander here.

Warning: if you are Type A, dont do it. Seriously. Consider yourself warned.

New Career

Im seriously considering dropping out of law school to become a full time romance novelist.

-This caffeine induced post is brought to you by my middle finger and Federal Income Taxation.

hair

People are starting to look like death around here. Most have bumped hygiene down a few more notches, practically leaving it extinct. Not that hippies ever cared anyway. There are more red eyes here than at a Grateful Dead concert. People are drinking 3 and 4 red bulls a day. Donkeys are being used instead of roller bags to cart books back and forth. All for the noble privilege of representing someone in a legal battle. I dont think we charge enough.

Too Good

Wouldnt you think that someone ranked #1 in their third year class would understand that the library's no food policy included pop tarts? Wouldnt the interpretation of the sign depend on whether the sign was actually a final integration? Would the parole evidence rule apply if the librarian was caught sneaking food in?

How I roll.

I carry this picture in my wallet. Mostly so my wallet actually contains some type of paper , but also for those days when i just want to show people how loco I really am.

life

life has been pretty messed up lately. school has taken a hit as a result of my actions. now i must study to save my ass. whether the rest of the messed up things work themselves out, i can only wish.

Oral Arguments

Oral Arguments are finally done. I went in there with next to nothing prepared and it served me well. Except for that whole part where i forgot to mention certain things. Either way, its done. The judges did not fall for the chewbacca defense, nor did they even care who ordered the code red. And word to the wise, writing your closing argument on your ass cheeks and then asking the judges to read it for you is not reccomended, unless you do ask many gleut flexes as I do each day. The judges were impressed with the tone and shape (of my argument pervs).

In sum, I would like to wish you all well on finals, that is unless you are in my classes. Then, i would prefer if you could not take the final. And handcuff yourself to the smartest person in the class.

Yes, i am behind on sleep.

Red

Approximately the color of the girl's face whose laptop decided to play some ridiculously ghey songs at a very high volume in the library despite the fact that she was trying to shut the sound off. For 30 seconds. While everybody in the library stared and laughed at her. Yes, impugn the girl with the malfunctioning computer. Why? Becuase its finals time and we need a laugh.

Boycott

In light of Tom Cruise's antics the last few years, I have decided to boycott his movies. In fact the only movie I will ever pay money for is Top Gun. Im really hoping everyone follows this boycott. He is an example of celebrities that forgot how they became rich and famous; because we used to care. Bon voyage dipshit.

Uninspired

Either i havent had much to say this week, or my body has been inhabited by midget hippies attempting to save the earth. So in the mean time, do the law school community a favor and sue someone.

Funniest Deposition Ever

This is the funniest deposition ever. Need Sound.

-hat tip to Raife

Who is in bed with my foofie?

I've been immersed in the legal world for almost 3 solid years now since my first becoming a file clerk. During the years thrice I have conversed with hundreds of attorneys, thousands of law students, 14 judges, and many professors. One thing is clear. The number of people that work in the legal profession and dislike it, significantly outnumber the amount of people who "like" their job. In fact, im willing to say that 3 out of every 4 attorneys would do something different than be a lawyer if they could do it all over again.

So where does that leave me? Where are these jobs that a JD opens the door to (excluding Westlanw and Lexis)? Im seriously entertaining one of these elusive jobs after graduation. I know its a bit early, but i have yet to find an attorney practicing less than 5 years who enjoys their life. Why should I be subjected to misery just to "give it a shot"?

I heart trapperkeeper

Im finally hip again. No, i didnt spend the weekend re-learning the macarena. I bought a new cell phone. Not any old cell, the motorola RAZR. This phone is sweet. It listens to me when I talk, unlike some people. If i want a pizza at 5 in the morning, i say "order a pizza" and badabing, a pie is bestowed to my presense in 30 short minutes. If i say, "do my tax homework", done. I ask you dear readers, what has your cell phone done for you lately?

Advice

• Cell phones do not soften fabric, despite what the sock gnome tells you.
• Appellate briefs really do take more than 3 hours to write.
• Spring break will never be long enough. Ever.
• Waiting to study Tax until 1 month before exams could be the best and worst decision you've ever made.

PS. If i had your phone number at some point, and you would like me to call you at some other point, please email your number to me. If you dont have my email, I probably dont want to your phone number*

* unless you have money, tax outlines, plane tickets, or male enhancement products**

** for my friend. seriously.

update

since life apparrently stops for some of you when this blog is silent, here you go. Guess what im doing now?

you cant have the milk if you dont buy the cow

Why is it ok for women to treat men as sex objects but not the other way around? I for one do not like being treated like a piece of meat, unless it is one of those cows that is fed nothing but beer and massaged all day to preserve tenderness.

If the glove dont fit

For those of you that are conflicted internally, full of self loathing, or just want to dress up for court, consider suing yourself. It can happen.

St. Paddy Day

I forgot to wear green today. So what? Pinch me and I will kick you where it hurts. If I had to guess, I would say my holiday spirit is at a 4.

Your day job

The next time you call someone a hooker at school, you just might end up eating those words.

Reading this will cause weight gain

The second grossest thing i've seen at this school would have to be catching someone taking the library's con law E & E into the bathroom for reading material. Thanks alot buddy. It was already a shitty class.

Running on Diesel

Is there an athlete-rapper that sucks more than Kobe Bryant? Imagine performing at a concert with Mr. Pink Diamond himself. After his solo (or as he calls it "spitting mad flava") and its time for him to pass the mike,there's no way he's passing it (unless you have a white chick from colorado in your hands). Im just saying that if i start a rap career, he's not my first choice for backup.

Side note: he's probably not the best guy to smoke weed with either.

Rant

There should be a statute against eating crunchy things in the library. Or at least a statute banning horses from the library. That would solve the noise problem and make this hippy library smell less.

Beat This!

This is the greatest sports prank of All Time.

-Hat tip to Steamer

The Plan

I have a class where there is one person in there who is, shall we say "different". Different in a way that whenever this person speaks the teacher agrees with them, whether they are correct or not. In fact, the teacher, who is quick to cut down anybody he disagrees with, has never disagreed with said person once. In fact, the prof has awarded praise to this person arbitrarily and capriciously. Simply put, this prof kisses the person's different ass. And I intend to reap all the benefits.

On my final, I am going to make some marks identifying myself as the different person. I wont be outright and use his initials, but I will make some kind of reference like , "As I stated in class (insert smart thing different person said).." Being the only different person in the entire class, prof cannot risk failing this person. In fact, if the prof gives different person a drasctically lower grade, that would bring up issues relating to being different. We wouldnt want that getting all over school would we? Prof will have no choice but to award a good grade despite what is written. After all, people love to play the different card, and this time it will be me.

Proof that the end of the world is nigh

• Yanni was arrested for domestic abuse, prompting critics to wonder whether the music made him do it.
• Three Six Mafia won an Academy award.

Need I say mor-or-or-or-or-or-ore?

What I spend class time doing

Prof Crim Pro: "A conservative is just a liberal who has been mugged."

Joe Rogan Emails

This was too funny not to post. Here is the email exchange lame Actor Joe Rogan exchanged with some dude on my space. Hilarious. I ganked this from The Superficial.

----------------- Original Message ----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 1, 2006 4:17 PM
Joe Rogan, I hate you... you're not funny...
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:07 PM
I love the fact that you need attention so bad that you had to email me that. That makes me feel happy :) Enjoy your depression. -----
------------ Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 7:59 AM
You really are an idiot... that 15 seconds now these 15 seconds now equal one-half of a minute that I spent letting you know that you are not funny... I sent you the message b/c you shamelessly plugged some gay event, 20 times, that i'm not goign to look at... How many medications are YOU on and then you tell me who is the depressed attention-whore... Enjoy balding,
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:30 AM
First off, my employees send those out, and if you don't want them, get off my list. Second off, you responding to any of those event requests, and doing it the way you did it, just shows me what a cunt of a man you are. You don't like me? That's great, because you're obviously a douche bag, and the opinions of douche bags mean nothing. I love it when losers like you don't like me. I like it even more when they express it. It makes me feel really good about my life when an insecure fat fuck like yourself takes the time out to email me, because that just shows me the way your shitty little mind works, and insures me that you're always going to be what you are now... a failure. There's always gotta be people like you around, because they make people like me stand out :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:45 AM
hahah, did i strike a nerve or something... you seem a bit testy by the way, my apologies... I should have shown Joe Rogan MUUUUCH more respect. Actor? Comedian? Shakespearian extrodinaire... People like you are the reason that everybody thinks they can make it in Hollywood and because people like you, anybody can make it into Hollywood... Look at William Hung. You did kill the Man Show Insecure? I guess we have something in common because you keep coming back at me... Your career is about over anyway, do you plan to work at the family hardware store after that? i'll be back after your next message to me... I have a bag of snacky-cakes to eat. I'm behind on my daily quoto. I'm never going to be as fat as your ego if i have to stop eating and type. ,.. Kevin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:49 AM
I only wish this conversation was in real life, so I could see the nervousness in your fat little face. I enjoy these little email conversations that I have with haters :) You emailed me and insulted me because you have a mediocre mind, and that's the extent of your capabilities. You trying to insinuate that I'm a loser is even more hysterical, because I've accomplished more in my life than you ever will if you could live a thousand of your shitty lives.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:53 AM
hahahh, Oh really? What is it that you have accomplished, Joe Rogan?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:55 AM
Google search me, you fucking failure :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:58 AM
you're avoiding the question... what have you accomplished
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 8:59 AM
That's my answer, find out yourself.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:01 AM
hahah, Joe Rogan... This is the funniest form I have ever seen you in. You're only accomplishment, in my memory, is taking a highly successful show (The Man Show) and running it into the ground merely by your presence alone. I also don't think playing second-fiddle to Brooke Shields is much of an accomplishment.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:09 AM
I was never on a show with Brooke Shields. I was however on 2 shows that made it to syndication, fear factor and newsradio, which means I never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Think about that when you're getting told what to do by your boss and struggling to pay your bills. I agree that the man show sucked, but unfortunately there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it at the time. I did however, make a fuck load of money from it, and had the time of my life. You're an ugly, fat faced zero, and I'm a famous multi millionaire. Those are the facts there, dear sweet kevin :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:27 AM
If we are arguing who has more money... YOU WIN!!! I'm sure your "Well i have more money than you" comeback comes in very resourceful on a daily basis when people constantly tell you how not-funny you are. But i'm 20 years old... where were you at age 20 junior college? About the fat thing... I didn't realize I was fat, maybe becaue i'm so insecure, I'll go purge a few pounds and tell some tabloid that Joe Rogan made me do it. . . Skinny Hollywood, actually... What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny. And dont' call me 'Dear sweet Kevin." I don't what type of 'man show' you are wanting to make, but i want no part in it.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan Date:
Mar 2, 2006 9:35 AM
"What is more pathetic tho... Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money because the college student didn't think he was funny." Did you forget how this all got started, fatty? You insulted me, and I let you know that your opinion means shit. This wasn't some unprovoked attack by a bully, it was me defending myself to a hateful little loser.To answer your question, when I was 20, I was US open tae kwon do champion, and I was teaching it at Boston University, going to U Mass and thinking about doing stand up. I WASN'T insulting celebrities and then using my age as an excuse for why I've never accomplished anything. What the fuck have you ever done, Kevin? Come on, fat boy. Please do tell.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:52 AM
obviously you didn't graduate college or else you would be able to understand what I am saying. So let me break it down for you carefully... I am a 20 year old college student... that's why I have no money. That's not my excuse YOU ARE PETHETIC BECAUSE... You continue to go back and forth with as you put it "a zero." Shoudn't you be coming up with "funny" facial expressions for candid photos? It's also not like I'm going out of my way to let you know about my "shitless" oppinions. I've never been in a movie, a sitcom, or even a shitty reality show, so to you I have accomplished nothing. But given less than a year, I know I could easily come up with a better stand-up routine than you.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:59 AM
Exactly what I thought, you have done NOTHING. I told you what I had accomplished by the time I was your age, and you have nothing but excuses and empty boasts. You could come up with a better stand up routine than me? That's hilarious. That's better than anything you could ever possibly say trying intentionally to be funny. "I'll show you! I could so do it if I wanted to!" Blah, fucking blah. You're falling apart here, Kevin, and it's taking you longer and longer to craft these responses. I've seen it happen a million times. There's nothing unique about you. You're a loser, pal. Always have been, always will be. If you're lucky you'll find some sad chick that's willing to let you shoot a live round inside of her, and then you'll have a little Kevin that you struggle to feed and raise. That's about the best you're ever going to do. And even then, you'll have to live with the fact that a guy like me could ALWAYS steal her away from you with minimal effort. I go "back and forth" with you because it's fun for me, and because I enjoy letting retarded douche bags like you know where they really stand in life.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:14 AM
I'll admit... I'm slowing down. For some reason, even after all of this, I almost feel like telling you that you're not as bad of a person as you are a comedian/actor/TV host ... And you know ... That may even be true ... but dude ... You really do suck at all of the above. You've seen it happen a Million times?... You are probably use to a lot of people torching you on a regular basis, but I didn't think the dumb people would. I thought those &..39;tards were your fans. It doesn't take much to understand your humor. Maybe one day i'll find that girl to slip my seed in... Until then, Kevin Jr. is a long time away. To be honest with you, i vented my Joe Rogan frustrations on the very first simple message that i sent you. Since then, its just been funny to watch you get so worked up. After all is said, I am still a loser and have never accomplished anything in my life... but humbled by it... YOU... have been practicing the art of the loser for quite some time but for some reason think you are God's gift to kathy griffen and Brooke Sheilds... YOU... are also the laughing-stock of Hollywood and amongst your little sub-culture, everybody thinks you are lame. maybe that is why you enjoy lashing out against people so much.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Joe Rogan
Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:28 AM
I enjoy lashing out at people? Are you projecting, fatso? YOU started this whole thing, and now you're backed into a corner. I enjoy responding to assholes, and that's why we're having this conversation. You think I suck at all the things I do? That's fine with me, because as I've said before, the opinions of a fucking loser like you with no success to speak of means nothing. I'm the laughing stock of hollywood amongst my peers? And you know this how? Because in your little shit bag town of Athens, Ohio all my peers come over to your stinky little apartment and tell you how much they laugh at me? You got NOTHING, fat boy. Nothing to say, and nowhere to go. The only reason I'm still going with this at this point is because I think this is going to make an interesting blog entry :) Oh, and by the way, if any of you want to get in touch with Kevin, here's his myspace profile: My friend "Kevin" on myspace.

When you've made it

For only the classy attorneys

Because some of you will wet your pants if you have to wait to read this

Just had my Ethics midterm. Yes, i know what your thinking. A midterm in big boy school? Its true folks. And let me tell you. It didnt just rape me. It bought me a drink, smooth talked me, and slipped me a roofie when i went to freshen up. It even requested Sweet Child O Mine from the DJ. Ok, that might have been a bit dramatic, or even a flashback from college for some, but you woudlnt read this if it wasnt partly false.

Anyway, as soon as I can remember who I am, operation nerd-bash will resume. And Im serious this time about good grades.

Ninja skills

An example of my super ninja like quickness: I was walking to class when I slowed down to check myself out in the window of the passing classroom. As I gazed at myself, I noticed that one of my books was slipping out of my hands. Without breaking eye contact with myself, I caught the book singlehandedly as it fell to the ground. Thats fast.

S is for Suck it Trebek

School Sucks. But what sucks more, are those people who tell you to "trick yourself into liking it." Why dont you trick yourself into liking jumping off a really tall bridge? Yeah, thats the ticket.

Karma

I was instant messenging with Turd Ferguson when he abruptly told me he had to go, because his girlfriend makes him watch Dancing with the Stars. Arguably, the gayest show ever, including Queer Eye. So after a few minutes of laughter, I decided to turn on the TV. To my horror, my rabbit ears would only pick up one station. The moral of the story: Fuck ABC.

Celluloid Dream

Every morning in the library, someone fires up the microfiche machine and starts looking at film. Every morning. What research requires this? Better yet, nothing worthwhile requires microfiche. It is safe to say that if you have used a microfiche machine., or know someone who has, you are cool. And by cool, I mean that you are a huge, politics loving, tapered jeans wearing, NERD!

The Lava is Red

Law school in an analogy:

Remember in grade school when you built the volcano for the science fair. You were all excited because it was realistic and spewed lava all over the place. In fact, you thought you had a legitimate shot at winning that cool gold ribbon, until the nerds brought their experiments in. There is something about the recombinant DNA of a bee's wings that makes a volcano pale by comparison.

Moral of the story: No elaborate description of baking soda, vinegar, and food coloring will impress those whose sole motivation in life is to compete with other nerds.

On the Next Montel

Bloggers who pretend to be the opposite sex on their blog are cyber- crossdressers. Discuss.